Looking fo advice - re: my son

wez130

wez130

wez130

Soldato
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31 Jan 2004
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Matakana New Zealand
I've just spent 15 minutes writing this thread then windows update decided to restart my pc with no warning :confused::mad:. Time to start again...

A little history first, my ex and i split up in January after 9 years, it wasn't the nicest of splits and there's been bitter arguments, name calling etc from both sides but where my son was in sight, i've tried to keep him out of sight of the shouting, whereas my ex hasn't.

I am in another relationship now which to be honest, i got into quite soon after the split. My ex tried to stop me seeing my son and referred to me as 'wez' to him as opposed to daddy etc and has filled his head with stuff he didn't need to know. Then she complains to me that he has mental health issues (which i've yet to see).

For the last 2 weeks, progress has been made and i've finally got to see my son on a regular basis, but on condition that he doesn't meet my new partner or come to our house, i agreed and have stood by that, taking him out to different activities every weekday. She works a new job and was stuck for a childminder this weekend as her childminder has gone on holiday so she asked if i could help out for a couple of days, one of them being sat from 7am till 8pm, i said i'll see what i can do because sat / sun are the only days my partner and i get to do all our shopping etc, she said 'well you'll just have to do your shopping etc on sunday, choose what's more important etc'. Basically playing my son off my partner.I did the first of these 'shifts' yesterday and sat in her house with my son and arranged to take him out today to softplay.

This morning, i turn up to pick my son up and my ex hands me a piece of paper with about 7 or 8 dates where she wants me to go and mind him, weekends, evenings, bank hols etc, i basically said, look, you said that weekend was a one off, you're taking the pee or trying to make it awkward for me and my new partner. I said i don't have an issue with having him any time, i'll have him any time you like, however he's gonna have to come over to our house so we can do our normal stuff too. Now, this would be beneficial to everyone, her firstly because she could leave him with us anytime she wanted too. Him and me because we have great fun together and without being prejudice towards her, we have more 'fun' together, doing activities and he gets more exercise with me and we have a great relationship again.

She saw her arse and basically said if i'm not prepared to go and sit in her house with him then i can't see him. Kye's crying his eyes out because she tells him he can't go to the softplay, then she tells him it's because i don't want to see him and that it's because i'm putting my gf before him, basically blaming me. I go off in a huff because she's a right bitch and she's one of these people that are always right and she basically tells me to FO.

Next thing, i've followed her in the car to town where she's gone to meet her friend so i can ask if i can take him to softplay because it's what he wants, i get a slap across the nose (lol) and Kye wants to come with me but she won't let him. Kye is still crying and i'm getting more abuse from her. She said i'm not to see him again too.

The only one benefitting from 'her' rules is herself because it spites me, she blames kyes mental health for not wanting him to come home with me whereas i know for a fact it's not and it's be nothing but beneficial to him. The only issues he has are the issues she's putting in his head and it's not fair on him, he's the one suffering most out of it all because she's messing with his head to suit her. I don't know whether to call social services for some advice as i do worry about him.
 
seek legal advice, any judge worth his salt will see how unreasonable she is being and kick her **** into touch
 
I can't afford legal advice and can't get legal aid :( I've tried already. money is really tight atm due to changes that have happened in my life and at £175 / hour, that's probably more than i have a month to live on atm:(
 
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play the selfish woman at her own game. log an assault with the police for that slap. then laugh when you have the high ground in the custody battle.
 
Can't you convince her it is your sons best interest that he can spend some time with you normally instead of at her house?

If she wants to **** you off that's fine but maybe she will be more receptive if you tell her your son will be better off doing it differently?
 
You need to go to court and get a contact order, its generally a good thing for a child to see both parents and she'll need to come up with a good (provable) reason to stop you having access.
Make sure you can achieve the terms of the contact order, if you don't use the contact you may loose it later.
Probably going to cost you, some soliciters let you set up a DD to spread the cost.
 
Tell the stupid bitch you have just as much right to see your child as she does, wether or not he goes in your house, your still well within your rights to go see him.

Definately try and contact social services, im sure they will help you out.
 
You really do need to get some sort of legal advice...can you not borrow some money from family??.

Also report her for assault as well...if women can get away with reporting assaults then you should as well...perhaps thats what she needs a good bringing down to earth etc.

Other than that just dont let her try and run your life, which is what shes trying to do at the moment.
 
In a nutshell your situation sucks. Leagally if you are/were married she doesn't have a leg to stand on so best to nip this in the bud now. When I split up from my wife the first thing I sorted was access 3 days a week which suited both of us. I used the carrot and stick approach, seeing as I pay for 2 days childcare and maintanance on top (which doesn't go through the CSA hence benefits her financially) carrot and stick approach (didn't stop me from throwing all my toys out when she started dating again and didn't tell me though but atleast it didn't stop me seeing the kids)

Edit: hmm perhaps I could have worded all that better but hopefully you get the point. as has been said the courts in this country are so one sided towards the mother that you don't stand a chance of custody no matter what she does. And legal advice is a must, maybe try fathers for justice if they are still going
 
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Both of you need to sort this out now.

While you and your ex-wife are arguing like 5 year olds about stuff that clearly isn't related to your child (yes, big surprise, your wife is jealous that you got together with a woman so quickly after your divorce), your child is being traumatised.

This stuff can affect him for the rest of his life and I guarantee this is going to be affecting his school life/social upbringing.

So if you can't talk to your ex without "going off in a huff" or having an argument in front of your child - i suggest you arrange a time when your child can stay with a friend and you can go over there and talk about stuff....y'know, like adults?
 
She's the one with the mental health issues by the sound of it. I'm sorry to hear you and your son got wound up with her :(

Edit: oo, hold on...
 
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