Looking fo advice - re: my son

If it goes to court, and she gets custody. You will pay even more money.

Try to settle this out of court, well least from me and my sisters experience. Both my parents 20 years later still don't talk. But from experience parents who still talk and get on seem to be able to work it out. Its not always black and white, and I really feel for you here.

Wish I could give some decent advise.
 
Begbie said:
If it goes to court, and she gets custody. You will pay even more money.

Try to settle this out of court, well least from me and my sisters experience. Both my parents 20 years later still don't talk. But from experience parents who still talk and get on seem to be able to work it out. Its not always black and white, and I really feel for you here.

Wish I could give some decent advise.
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Get a good lawyer and try and save yourself some money.

My boss took his ex to court and now he gets every 2nd weekend with his daughter which I can tell is killing him. Especially when she takes the **** and text him that she is sick and cannot visit him. She does this a lot.

However, his business turns over 2 mil a year and somehow he is on minimum wage and pays her £80 a month. Go figure.

CAB or get a lawyer.
 
The first thing my solicitor said was anybody who talks to you about custody should be ignored because there's no such thing in the uk, its resedency. A lot of people are offering advice on this forum about custody anyone who's really been through it will know there's no such thing.

My solicitor was right, anyone who offered advice on custody was wrong and people who offered advice on residency were right. The case went my way and I'm a very tired single dad, but my kid is very happy and thats all that counts.
 
To be honest, you should make every attempt to sort this out without court/solicitors etc. I'm willing to bet she becomes a lot more obstructive if it goes down the formal route, which is going to a) cost more, b) waste everyone's time c) disrupt your child even more.

If you can talk this out and come to an agreement you definitely need to do this. Keep trying. Have you contacted her to try and have a sit down discussion? I think you should give her a call, be totally up front, but most importantly, do NOT start tittle tattling on the phone, and if she makes a glib remark, let it go. Don't "go off in a huff", do NOT argue and try and persuade her it'd be better for everyone if you can just talk it out.
 
If it goes to court, and she gets custody. You will pay even more money.
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Bull - pay the 15% no more and no less via a standing order and it is likely that that is what you will be paying after the dust has settled. Solicitor was very specific about this with me as it is essential you don't set yourself up by being generous. Pay only what is required and always pay that
 
Sounds reasonable that she doesnt want him meeting or interacting with ur new GF. As she just wants the father to be there. She doesnt know ur GF she doesnt want to know and so doesnt want the son to be involved with her at all. Tbh i think ur just going to have to deal with it.

Im sure you wouldnt like ur son to be hanging around with ur ex's new boyfriend if she had one. One you dont know and dont want to interact with.

Works both ways this type of argument.
 
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couldnt you take your son on "holiday" and never come back?

just need to find a country with no extradition treaty, ive heard the weather is nice in north cyprus...........
 
....a very sad but all to common situation these days!... i feel very sorry for you,being a father of 4 sons myself, its going to be a long road... the only advice i would offer at present would to keep a diary... of everything... your thoughts included!... it might come handy in the future!?... good luck!
 
SkeeterUK said:
Sounds reasonable that she doesnt want him meeting or interacting with ur new GF. As she just wants the father to be there. She doesnt know ur GF she doesnt want to know and so doesnt want the son to be involved with her at all. Tbh i think ur just going to have to deal with it.

Im sure you wouldnt like ur son to be hanging around with ur ex's new boyfriend if she had one. One you dont know and dont want to interact with.

Works both ways this type of argument.
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I understand that which is why i agreed to it, but what she is expecting of me now is more disruptive and will affect everything else. I've always tried to do things the amicable way, but as soon as she doesn't get her own way - which is usually an unreasonable request, she spits her dummy out. She has always taunted me with 'her new partner will bring my son up' when she gets one and that there's nothing i can do about it. At the end of the day, life goes on, i would have to learn to deal with that, the same as she has to deal with the fact i've got another partner.

Moses99p said:
Are you sure you can't get legal aid?

Use the calculator here, http://www.legalservices.gov.uk/civil/guidance/eligibility_calculator.asp.
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I went to a solicitor a couple of weeks ago for my free 12 minutes legal advice, i am quite over the threshold for legal aid, even though i'm not exactly on a brilliant wage.
 
Both of you should stop being so selfish and think how you are screwing up a THREE YEAR OLD's future!

Having said that, I would suggest having communications in writing so that there is a record of agreements made etc.
Go to court and sort out your rights to visits/residency etc.

You might think about how you and your new partner can reorganise your time together whilst this situation remains; then you can have your son come over whilst your partner is away..... once things have calmed down, you may eventually be able to persuade your ex that your son meeting your new partner is not such a horrific thing after all, especially if she has found someone by then.
Good luck.
 
Send her an official looking letter saying she has 30 days to come up with an agreement or legal action will be taken. With a bunch of reasons why you will win or something?
Or better yet, get someone she doesn't know to dress up like a lawyer and give her the papers themself.

It's probably the only thing this woman will understand and she's being incredibly unfair to your son. I'm not normally new age but her telling him he has mental problems is likely to manifest itself later on in life with genuine mental health problems.
 
Bloody hell this is all making me feel quite queasy. What a terrible situation! Wife wants kids soon, maybe I should go an have a cheeky snip and tell her I'm infertile! If you're reading this wife, I was joking :p.
 
ok going through this similar to yourself, (ive not read the whole thread as this stuff gets me really angry)

my 2 childred 2+4 live with my ex partner from 7pm sunday untill 6pm friday, so i have them every weekend, and also weds night for tea,

i also pay her £30 a week, not a lot but i dont exactly earn much, legal fee's are not an option for me neither is taking unpaid time off work,

there is something called Mediation that you can both goto, this is a supervised meeting where someone trained in sorting family out with contact / trust / problems this also looks good if things ever did goto court, this is your stepping stone, (btw its free)

if you are paying maintince do not expect any nicetys from the CSA they are absolutly awful to talk to and dont give a damn about you as a father try and if possible set up a bank thing where money goes to the mother this way you have a set record through the CSA or outside, (my ex agreed for me to pay her the money directly every sunday night)

CAB is run by people in the know, also i used to work in a solicitors and everyweek when the CAB is running, 1 or 2 solicitors from the local practices must send 1 fully qualiftied solicitor in buxton its run on a kinda of rota system this means you get top notch info for free.

good luck hope you sort things out, and she is being totally unreasonable with not letting your child goto your house.
 
platypus said:
Whatever you do stop following her to various locations. That will cause alarm bells you'd find hard to quieten.
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That was a one off as she dragged our son into the car crying his eyes out as he wanted to go to softplay as was arranged. I wanted her to see sense and see it was unfair on him and hopefully let me take him.

Ransom said:
ok going through this similar to yourself, (ive not read the whole thread as this stuff gets me really angry)

my 2 childred 2+4 live with my ex partner from 7pm sunday untill 6pm friday, so i have them every weekend, and also weds night for tea,

i also pay her £30 a week, not a lot but i dont exactly earn much, legal fee's are not an option for me neither is taking unpaid time off work,

there is something called Mediation that you can both goto, this is a supervised meeting where someone trained in sorting family out with contact / trust / problems this also looks good if things ever did goto court, this is your stepping stone, (btw its free)

if you are paying maintince do not expect any nicetys from the CSA they are absolutly awful to talk to and dont give a damn about you as a father try and if possible set up a bank thing where money goes to the mother this way you have a set record through the CSA or outside, (my ex agreed for me to pay her the money directly every sunday night)

CAB is run by people in the know, also i used to work in a solicitors and everyweek when the CAB is running, 1 or 2 solicitors from the local practices must send 1 fully qualiftied solicitor in buxton its run on a kinda of rota system this means you get top notch info for free.

good luck hope you sort things out, and she is being totally unreasonable with not letting your child goto your house.
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Thanks for the advice, mediation sounds like a good place to start for me.
 
anything stopping you just taking your son and telling her she can have contact as soon as it goes to court?
 
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