Just found out my ex has a new boyfriend

MarkDavis said:
Yes, yes, yes, move on, move on, move on.....

But emotions don't move on so quickly. I don't fall in love easily, but when I do, my emotions run pretty deep, so for me, it takes time for emotions to dissipate. And there's the regret over misundertandings, over things that couldn't be worked out, over times when we behaved in ways that were unkind to each other (even though we loved each other), sadness over the loss of hopes and dreams, thoughts about what might have been if the circumstances had been different (we both had stressful job situations, I was contracting in London etc).
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How do you expect to get over the emotions if you sit there moping about like a big wet lettuce?!

Think of it this way, emotions are like information stored on a harddrive. Even when you delete the info it's still really there. The only way to make sure that info is gone is to overwrite it, maybe several times but it works.

In other words, get off your backside, go out, meet new people and try finding a new girl. This will definitely help remove the old feelings!
 
Split up with my fiancee about 3 months ago, she's now with somebody else...

The way I look at it, I now have a new job i enjoy, a new house, freedom to do what I want with my friends, enjoying my self more than I have for the last 5 years...

She has moved on so have I... Think you need to do the same!

If she means that much to you leave her to be happy and enjoy her life...
 
I have two exes, both of whom I some times miss, one fairly regularly. The thing to do is to keep reminding yourself why you broke up in the first place.

At the time it was really difficult to dump both of them but it was unfair on them stringing them along when I knew I was not happy and wanted out, so instead of cheating or anything like that you just have to man up and break up. Almost a month later I began to miss certain things about them, but I just have to remind myself why we broke up in the first place and it over rides those original feelings.

If you got dumped, well, man up, the best revenge is success, cut and run, find someone nicer and hotter, improve yourself so you can do that if you can't yet.
 
It's been a year. You;ve been moping around for an entire year.

Nothing can be said here that will help you move on, if you've failed to do so yourself in a year, no matter what lysander thinks.
 
mysticsniper said:
Why did you split up in the first place?
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Lots of things really which caused or contributed to arguments and erosion of good will. Distance - I had to move to London for a job which was stressful due to the responsibility (one the world's biggest FMCGs) and the travelling. Didn't have as much energy as I would like for the relationship because of that. She was unhappy because we weren't doing so many things at the weekends and I was tired. She blamed me for leaving. I was tired of her unhappiness with me (because I hoped she would be understanding), she was fed up that the relationship not giving her what she wanted.

I wasn't happy with my career path which made me grouchy. She was disappointed (though she didn't say it) about my (lack of) career direction. I didn't want to move back to Leeds because I couldn't see myself settling there (I wanted to move to Bristol) but she liked Leeds for some unfathomable reason.

She's intense and quite high maintenance energy/attention wise, whereas I want to be relaxed. She's hungry for experiences whereas I've been everywhere and done most crazy things you can imagine. Her parents, my parents. And so on and so forth. Sometimes I'm just amazed we lasted so long, given all the things that were going on and in the way. Other times, I think we should have been able overcome that.

But oddly, we were both happy when we were both together in Leeds and the emotional memories of my time with her still have a magical quality to them. That's hard because its no longer the situation, and unlike the comment from the geek guy above, you can't erase memories like hard disk drive. I suppose the flipside to that is that in the last few months of the relationship, the situaton with her was making me anxious and stressed as it felt like walking on egg shells waiting for the next moment when she would flip out. It's like nothing I could do would make her happy. That's confidence sapping.

I don't know...maybe I need to retrain my brain. I can assure you that I don't want to be thinking about her and want to have moved on, but it is what it is.
 
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Go and get yourself a new boyfriend and make sure she thinks you've been seeing him on & off for 18 months or so.... ;):p
 
The kicker always has been for me, whether they care about me as much as I care about them, if I think they didn't really care about me I find its easy to move on, its the one(s) I know care about me as much as I do about them that I find hard to get my head around.

The truth is most women aren't as committed to relationships as we would like to think and they would like to admit.
 
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