I make it joke o'clock

The Godfather, accompanied by his attorney, walks into a room to meet with his accountant. The Godfather asks the accountant, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from me?” The accountant doesn’t answer. The Godfather asks again, “Where’s the three million bucks you embezzled from me?” The attorney interrupts, “Sir, the man is a deaf-mute and cannot understand you, but I can interpret for you.” The Godfather says, “Well, ask him where the @#!* money is.” The attorney, using sign language, asks the accountant where the three million dollars is. The accountant signs back, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He doesn’t know what you’re talking about.” The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the temple of the accountant, cocks the trigger and says, “Ask him again where the @#!* money is!” The attorney signs to the accountant, “He wants to know where it is!” The accountant signs back, “Okay! Okay! The money’s hidden in a suitcase behind the shed in my backyard!” The Godfather says, “Well, what did he say?” The attorney interprets to the Godfather, “He says that you don’t have the guts to pull the trigger.”
 
My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting" Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She looked at me and yelled, "You did this to me, you *******!" I casually replied, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it your butt but you said, "That would hurt too much."
 
Greebo said:
My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting" Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She looked at me and yelled, "You did this to me, you *******!" I casually replied, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it your butt but you said, "That would hurt too much."
Click to expand...

eww - gross anticlimax
 
Greebo said:
My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting" Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She looked at me and yelled, "You did this to me, you *******!" I casually replied, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it your butt but you said, "That would hurt too much."
Click to expand...

LOL!!!
 
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore.

She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!!
The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes.

The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars.

The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions.

Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for.

"No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. "For my last wish...I'd like to give birth to twins.
 
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"

Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.

He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"

"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
 
bhavv said:
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working, and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?"

Her father sits her down, and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, wet-dreams...and he thinks, what the hell, and goes on to tell her the works.

He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So what did you want to know about sex for?"

"Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs..."
Click to expand...

Mommy was obviously lieing about lunch being ready in two secs, if the dad had time to explain all that to his daughter. lol :P
 
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