Thursday Joke

Stuff

Stuff

Stuff

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Brighton
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him.

The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, "If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you."

The hippie of course says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. "If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder," says the bus driver, "You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you."

The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she's in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. "I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first," he says.

The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun.
After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, "Ha ha, I'm the hippie!"

The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, "Ha ha, I'm the bus driver!"

/me gets coat and orders taxi :cool::p
 
Dear oh dear oh dear, I'm sure Benny Hill was telling that joke to his peers in the 50s. FFS what is wrong with people in this room posting old jokes.
 
Q : How did the redneck find his sister in the woods?



A : Pretty good.

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A priest decides to take a walk to the pier near his church. He looks around and finally stops to watch a fisherman load his boat. The fisherman notices, and asks the priest if he would like to join him for a couple of hours. The priest agrees.

The fisherman asks if the priest has ever fished before to which the priest says no. He baits the hook for him and says, "Give it a shot father". After a few minutes, the priest hooks a big fish and struggles to get it in the boat. The fisherman says "Whoa, what a big son-of-a-bitch!"

The Priest says, "Uh, please sir, can you mind your language?" The Fisherman responds (THINKING QUICKLY), "I'm sorry Father, but that's what this fish is called - a son-of-a-bitch!"

"Oh, I'm sorry", replied the Priest. "I didn't know." After the trip, the priest brings the fish to the church and spots the Bishop. "Eminence, look at this big son-of-a-bitch!"

"Please Father", said the Bishop. "Mind your language, this is a house of God."

"No, you don't understand", said the Priest. "That's what this fish is called, and I caught it. I caught this son-of-a-bitch!"

"Hmmm", said the Bishop. "You know, I could clean this son-of-a-bitch and we could have it for dinner." So the Bishop takes the fish and cleans it, and brings it to Mother Superior at the convent. "Mother Superior could you cook this son-of-a-bitch for dinner tonight?"

"My lord, what language!", said the Mother Superior.

"No, Sister", said the Bishop. "That's what the fish is called - a son-of-a-bitch! Father caught it, I cleaned it, and we'd like you to cook it."

"Hmmm", replied Mother Superior. "Yes, I'll cook that son-of-a-bitch tonight." Well, the Pope stops by for dinner with the three of them, and they all think the fish is great. He asks where they got it. "I caught the son-of-a-bitch!", said the Priest.

"And I cleaned the son-of-a-bitch!", said the Bishop.

"And I cooked the son-of-a-bitch!", said the Mother Superior.

The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely gaze, but then takes off his hat, puts his feet up on the table, and says, "You know, you mother******* are alright".
 
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