I'm worried for my friend

anksta

anksta

anksta

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19 Jan 2005
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I have a friend who's Sikh and about 4 years ago she started going out with a muslim, which was a bad idea to begin with, to make it worse he treated her like crap for about 3 and a half of those, always being almost off and on and whatnot. It's worse than that, much worse (no violence or rape or anything but just how he was with her) but that's not even what I'm worried about.

About 6 months ago he got engaged to another girl, its not arranged as such, just more his parents suggesting he should be thinking about getting married soon and through one way or another he started talking to this girl and long story short they're now engaged. My friend has been in full knowledge of this from the outset but the guy just gave it all "I don't wanna marry her and I'm gonna tell my parents" etc. but didn't.

Anyway, he went on holiday last week and txt her while he was away saying he wants her to leave him alone now and he's sorry, she got upset about that and was convinced he'd gone away with her, then it turned out he did and she was absolutely hysterical, screaming down the phone to me, took me ages to calm her down.

Then tonight I couldn't get hold of her, I almost phoned the police, its a big deal even to phone her house because her parents can get a bit weird about it and I started imagining her dead and things. Anyway, she text me saying she's alright but has just been ringing this guy.

The thing is no one else really even knows about it so this is more or less soley on me to help her through, which I'm more than willing to do, I was up with her on the phone last night til like 2 just listening to her try to get to sleep as she didn't want me to go. Given this has been going on for ages its not likely she's just going to snap out of it and this guy comes home next week, apparently this bird has ssaid she wants to get married before Ramadan which starts in like 3 or 4 weeks so it just looks like its gonna get worse. I've tried getting her to come to my house for a bit but she's dead reluctant.

Sorry this is a long thread and I've just rushed through it, there is a lot more to it but I'm genuinely worried she might kill herself. If I tell anyone from her friends to her parents to this guy's parents it could just make it a lot worse, what can I do?
 
The fact that she didn't want you to go, when you were talking to her on the phone suggests that something is really wrong and she's quite worried. I certainly wouldn't sit back and do nothing
 
anant_shah94 said:
The fact that she didn't want you to go, when you were talking to her on the phone suggests that something is really wrong and she's quite worried. I certainly wouldn't sit back and do nothing
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I'm trying not to sit back and do nothing but there is only so much I can do and anything else risks making it worse.

She has a friend that I know sort of and I messaged her tonight asking her if she can get hold of her for me. I didn't say what for or anything and it can easily be explained away but still though, I think she's mad about that, everything seems much worse in that state doesnt it.
 
what? she was with someone for 3 and half years, and they got engaged to someone else whilst they were still together? what a totally stupid situation, leave 'em to it?
 
So basically you want to bone her? Personally from the text you posted that's all I got because I can't see where the problem lies.
 
GeX said:
what? she was with someone for 3 and half years, and they got engaged to someone else whilst they were still together? what a totally stupid situation, leave 'em to it?
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yeah, mate I've tried to. I've told her how stupid she is for staying with him 2 years before engagement was even talked about. Its gone beyond that now.
 
It sounds like you are trying to get out of the friends zone. Two things will happen and they will involve heartbreak for you.

Stand back and only be there to pick up the pieces.
 
mejinks said:
It sounds like you are trying to get out of the friends zone. Two things will happen and they will involve heartbreak for you.

Stand back and only be there to pick up the pieces.
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na I know it might look like that and believe I would admit it freely, I've actually made a thread on here before about exactly that but with a different girl. its not like that with this one at all.

Its purely worry that she might kill herself, I was sayin I dont care if she is depressed for the next 10 years about this and never speaks to me ever again, I just can't bear the thought of her doing something stupid.

When she was hysterical she was saying she was gonna throw herself in front of a bus and then the past few days she's been giving it I wish I wouldn't wake up and how no one would care if she died.

I'm seriously scared. I was almost crying with relief when she finally did get in touch tonight.
 
anksta said:
When she was hysterical she was saying she was gonna throw herself in front of a bus and then the past few days she's been giving it I wish I wouldn't wake up and how no one would care if she died.
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Makes a little more sense now, as in the OP your lack of info just made it seem like you were either a massive hypochondriac or in love with her.
 
Skyfall said:
Makes a little more sense now, as in the OP your lack of info just made it seem like you were either a massive hypochondriac or in love with her.
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yeah sorry, I was rushing through it as you do because there's so many details that I've missed out.

Should I call someone or anything like that? I think if she came to stay at mine for a few days or so it might be ok, just get her out of that environment for a little bit but she's dead adamant about what she would say to her parents, even thoguh we've come up with a water tight excuse she still wont do it which is really really annoying me as its such a little hindrance that, she would have to put up with about 10 minutes worth of grief from her mum to possibly do her a world of good.
 
anksta said:
na I know it might look like that and believe I would admit it freely, I've actually made a thread on here before about exactly that but with a different girl. its not like that with this one at all.

Its purely worry that she might kill herself, I was sayin I dont care if she is depressed for the next 10 years about this and never speaks to me ever again, I just can't bear the thought of her doing something stupid.

When she was hysterical she was saying she was gonna throw herself in front of a bus and then the past few days she's been giving it I wish I wouldn't wake up and how no one would care if she died.

I'm seriously scared. I was almost crying with relief when she finally did get in touch tonight.
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People who threaten to kill themselves rarely do. Its a cry for attention, which you are giving her. What do her parents say about all this?
 
mejinks said:
People who threaten to kill themselves rarely do. Its a cry for attention, which you are giving her. What do her parents say about all this?
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her parents dont know anything about it, she just holes herself up in her room all day.

I don't think it is a cry for attention and I dont care if it is and I'm giving it to her, its not the sort of thing you risk is it.
 
anksta said:
yeah sorry, I was rushing through it as you do because there's so many details that I've missed out.

Should I call someone or anything like that? I think if she came to stay at mine for a few days or so it might be ok, just get her out of that environment for a little bit but she's dead adamant about what she would say to her parents, even thoguh we've come up with a water tight excuse she still wont do it which is really really annoying me as its such a little hindrance that, she would have to put up with about 10 minutes worth of grief from her mum to possibly do her a world of good.
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You can lead a horse to water....
 
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