Ex Girlfriends :s

I have to agree, once a cheater always a cheater. Feelings for her will eventually dissolve, though it could take a long time, maybe upto a year.

I know she lives on the same street, but you can still avoid her, cutting off contact is the easiest way you can help yourself, it's much harder to remain friends as you try get over her.
You may think that you're not going to find someone again, at least someone as 'good' as her, but I think every guy has felt this way about someone at one point or another and they are ALWAYS proven wrong when the next girl arrives. :p

Hang in there matey.
 
doddsy105 said:
Right this is a subject everybody talks about and everybody has one. I went out with my last ex girlfriend for a year and a half and she cheated on me with somebody back home from uni and i still have feelings for her. But she's with this new guy who's a complete idiot. Any ways to win her back? anybody got any interesting stories about ex girlfriends or funny tales? :P
Click to expand...
You want to get back with an ex who cheated on you, yet you think her current boyfriend is an idiot:confused: Pot calling kettle black springs to mind!
 
Poke her and choke her. ¬_¬

No, seriously. Give her one for the road then dump her. As I can see that for you, this isn't possibly an option, I suggest luring her back to your lair where you can then proposition her and win her heart. When she has been adequately wooed, then give her one for the road and dump her.

Having her living down the road means nothing, as you can simply act very blasé about the whole situation. I suggest practicing your own variation of the Fonz' wink and point. Try clicking your tongue for added effect.
 
he could always make her jeolus, need another girl for that through ;p

I hate cheaters as much as lies, so I would have broke contact ages ago....thats just me and I m very harsh, I know it will hurt, you just gotta put on a brave face.

like most of us have said smash some pasties its uni even if they are in a relastionship they seem whilling :rolleyes:
 
I won't post a direct link due to some swearies but google Lushka16. It's the first result by the way but go to page 1 obviously. Although I'm a little too late in life to use it and appreciate it (I hope!), by God I wish I'd read this stuff when I was younger.

if you take nothing else away from it then take this :

lushka16 said:
Rule 1: The relationship is over.

This is the most important rule of all. You need to go back to it at least once every minute in the aftermath of being dumped. It is the most difficult part, yet it is also the foundation for healing. The day you come to terms with it, is the day things start getting better.
Click to expand...

To read the whole thing will take hours but it will hopefully make a huge difference to those on the wrong end of a dumping.
 
AMG said:
that was not on msn was it I seen something like that regarding dumping?
Click to expand...

Are you talking about my post? It's a thread from 2006 on the SA forums and it runs to 335 pages. It should be standard reading for people who have been dumped.

Hmm, aware that you may need to be a member to actually read the thing. So ...

lushka16 said:
In my experience, there are three basic parts to being dumped: Premonition, dump, after-dump.

Premonition
I have been dumped, and have dumped, lots and lots of times. There has never been an instance where it is random. For every single relationshp, from shortest (2 days) to longest (3 years), there has been a period of time where the breakup is planned. For the person about to get dumped, this period is called premonition. I have always felt a breakup coming, and it is physically a worse feeling than the breakup itself. There is little communication between the couples, an intense feeling of uncertainty, and a strong desire to make it better. The longer the premonition stage lasts, the more apt you are be stupid.

Things to avoid:
Do not go beyond the bounds of your relationship. Don't start saying, "I love you" if that's not what you normally do.

Resist the urge to sulk. Do whatever it takes to get your mind away from it. Get the **** out of bed, go to the gym, go for a walk, find some friends, smoke some ***, do whatever it is that you do to de-stress.

Do not start screwing around. The relationship isn't over yet. You might get yourself into some serious trouble.

Don't beat her to the punch, unless you had plans already.

Things to do:
Hey, here's an idea - talk to her. "Hey, what's going on with us, things have been kind of wierd lately." Sure, it might lead to breaking up faster, but that's the point. If it's going to happen, might as well not torture yourself.

Try working things out. I know, it's easier to post an E/N thread on SA than to talk logically to another human being, but take it from me - it can work. If you really care for the relationship, and she's not cheating on your sorry ass, there's room for work. I've found that the best times I've had were after we've worked things out.
Click to expand...

lushka16 said:
Dump

RULE 1

Get ready to go through the 5 stages of loss:
Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Despair
Acceptance

It might not happen in that order, it might not involve all the stages. Chances are you'll experience at least 3 of them, the most popular being bargaining, anger and despair.

Denial - Try your best to avoid it. Denial doesn't help resolve anything, makes the whole process very difficult. Remember rule 1.

Bargaining - Might as well give it a shot. There might be some things that you can reasonably change in the relationship. Give it up after a good shot at it. If it's over, it's over.

Anger - Yup, you're ******. Get over it.

Despair - This is where the crying begins. Now is the time to NOT be pathetic. There's nothing wrong with crying, but don't make her feel bad for you or pity you. She'll only be ****ed. There is little sympathy when it comes to being dumped, so don't play that card. More on this in the post-dump section.

Acceptance - Time to let go, man. Rule 1.

Here's a quick scenario as to how the whole thing might look:

Girl: Things aren't working out.
Boy: Are you sure? I thought things were fine.
Girl: No.
Boy: Well, is there anything we can do to make things better?
Girl: I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore.
Boy: But you were the one who wanted to be in one in the first place! Who put you up to this? Is there another guy? I'll ******* kill him.
Girl: [insert despair]
Boy: [insert despair]
Boy: Well, if this is what you want, and if this feels right, and there's nothing I can do or say to change it, then we might as well let it happen.

See? That wasn't so bad. This is a really good time for some Q and A, especially since you'll want to know some of the answers in the post-dump phase. Here is a short list of questions you should ask now, while you're still communicating:

Is there anything I can do to make this relationship work?
Is there anything I could have done to make things better?
What made you decide to do this?
Is there someone else involved?
Is there anything I can do to avoid ****ing off future girlfriends?
When did things start to suck? What caused it?

This is a very short list, and you should tailor it to your needs in the premonition phase. If you can get all your important questions answered, it will make life easier in the next phase. Also, be sure to indicate that you don't want to see/talk to her for a while. This is KEY. More on this in the next section.
Click to expand...
 
lushka16 said:
Post-Dump

Nearly a decade has taught me one important thing: This is a very long phase. You need to accept this.

Ok, you just got dumped. Let the emotion out the best way you know. Cry if you have to, beat the **** out of something, go for a run, post an E/N thread (maybe go for a run first). Be a man, and find someone to give you a hug. Talk it through with your close friends (not hers). Set some kind of time limit. Say to yourself, "I'm going to be a pile of emotional **** for the next hour, then I'm going to start picking myself up." Stick to it, if you're a sulking mess for too long no one is going to want to hear about it.

Inform your friends. People ought to know to be careful around you. If they care about you, they'll help you cope. Put away blatant reminders of her - her pictures, her underwear, her lifesize blowup doll etc.

Go out, live life normally, DO NOT DO ANYTHING RASH. Joining the Army doesn't help, running away doesn't help, you won't get her back if you get into a car accident/attempt suicide, you certainly won't get her back if you vandalize her property. Don't **** her sister/friends, don't go beating up some kid who you think might be her new boyfriend. Use Rule 1 folks, it really puts things into perspective.

Just go on with your life. That's the only thing you can do to really take it like a champ. There's a huge list if things you shouldn't do, because they're very annoying, and you'll feel stupid about it later.

Spend lots and lots of time away from her. This is actually a strange situation. Say you spend 4 months away from her and are feeling great. The next time you see her, it'll take you back about 2 months. Then you'll recover, and the next time you see her it'll take you back 1 month. Then 2 weeks. Then 1 week. See what I'm getting at? Recovery is a long process, and there will be setbacks. Don't think it'll be peaches and cream the first time you see her with another guy. Try to avoid her socially until you're certain things are ok. This may take months or years. Rarely weeks. This is why avoidance is key. You don't need to go out of your way to avoid her, just let her know that for a while, you don't want to see her.

Don't play the pity card. Yes, you're upset and hurt and heartbroken. Tell it to your friends, not to her or her friends. Avoid putting up depressing away messages, profiles, blogs, or anything of the like. Understandably, you want her to know how much she hurt you. It does you little good to do that, remember rule 1? Don't go to the same party as her and sit in the corner looking all depressed. She's not going to want you back, you pansy.

Don't go visit her. First of all, it will hurt like a mofo. Secondly, girls are evil and will do ****** things like hug you, cuddle with you, tell you how much they miss you, or hit you with pepper spray. Rule 1 - it still applies. She doesn't want to be with you, just wants to make herself feel a little better. If she wants to come back to you, she'll call you up and say so. Being around her is most likely going to annoy her and make you feel really ******. Girls have also been known to employ the use of a guy named Todd, who is only there to make you turn emo.

Don't start looking for answers. If you're smart, you already asked them when you two were breaking up. Don't call/IM/email/fox her friends. Yes, they're close to her and they know what's going on. Chances are, they won't tell you what you need to know. They're her friends first, yours second. I'm letting you know now - if you do take this path, you will find out nothing of any use. Do you really want to know if she's seeing someone else? Do you really want to know if she is in bed crying because she misses you? Back to Rule 1. She's going through her own healing process, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Let it go, man. Her friends will report their findings to her, and she'll hate you for snooping.

On a similar note - DON'T ****ING STALK HER.

The above is the basic foundation for taking a dumping like a champ. There are many little nuances that I can't remember and didn't cover, so be prepared for anything. Of course, I welcome and urge the advice and experience of other goons. The only thing I can guarantee is that life will get better and you'll move on.

For what it's worth, I got dumped and quite heartbroken today, but I'm doing all right, thanks for asking.


It's almost certain that anyone who has read this and is going to get dumped for their first time will not follow my advice.
Click to expand...

To actually read the thread really hammers home just how similar almost all breakups are, with the dumpee often proclaiming "But my situation was different, she's a special *********, you internet guys don't understand!" They're also often always wrong.

Anyway, hope this helps someone :)
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top Bottom