I graduated almost three years ago now. I was unemployed and at rock-bottom for a year thereafter. After perhaps one of the darkest stages of my life, I finally managed to find work through a friend within the betting industry; somewhere I never once imagined working and also find slightly morally suspect. I've now been in my current vocation a year, paid off many debts with only managable sums remaining, and find myself able to look forward again in small glances. Indeed, my overall mental health is slowly making increments for the better, but it's an incredibly slow affair.
Vocationally, my prospects are dire, the job itself is lacklustre, and both the hours available and wages I'm earning are miniscule; the company is in a lot of debt due to successive buy-outs and has since learnt that it can take it out on its employees, clawing back profit through cutting hours, training, etc. When I contemplate the idea of being stuck where I am now for anything more than another year, it induces a mild panic-attack. It's not so much as I feel like a matchstick child, but more that I honestly feel wasted, undervalued and desperately want to make something of myself but can't. It's a tragic irony that in this country, those with little or no will are in better circumstance than those who really are prepared to push. The argument being flouted that "If you want it bad enough, you'll find a way." simply isn't relevent with today's climate. It's simply a case of you're very lucky if a window happens to ajar near you that you can pry yourself out of, let alone a fully open door. For many, we're just stuck in a dimly lit room.
I've now decided to go and teach English abroad at some point next year. At the very best, I might be able to find my way, earn some comfortable money and go back to university for a better qualification. At the very least, I'm hoping to have an experience (something which about my character, a CV will never be able to testify faithfully) and hopefully weather the storm in this country. Sadly though, by the time the economy re-establishes itself here, I'll have been out of university for over half a decade and hence probably devalued further. Ideally, I want to emigrate as I've truthfully grown wary of this country and certain overt aspects of modern culture. The rub being however, that I need to have ~3+ years experience within a professional occupation. I want to leave so I can better myself, but I can't better myself because I'm stuck here and others won't give me a chance.
