Monday chuckle

izzy eckerslike

izzy eckerslike

izzy eckerslike

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Joined
16 Oct 2007
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Experts are worried about President Obamas mental state after he pledged millions of dollars of aid to Northern Ireland, following the tragedy of Hurricane Higgins.
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An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy, went to his church for confession. When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:

"Bless me, Father for I have sinned. During World War II, a Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."

The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did, and you have no need to confess such a compassionate act".

"But there is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favours. I enjoyed this because she was such an attractive woman. This happened several times a week, and sometimes twice on Sundays."

The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh.
However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."

"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."

"And what is that?" asked the priest.


"Should I tell her the war is over ?''
 
The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen
land on Mars after accumulating
enough frequent flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking
about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they
have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex. "Just how do you guys do it?" asks Maureen.
The Martian responds, "Pretty much the way you do."
A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for
the night and experience one another.

Maureen and the male Martian go
off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie
peeny - about half an inch long and just a quarter inch thick.
"I don't think this is going to work," says
Maureen. "Why?" he asks, "What's the matter?"
"Well," she replies, "it's just not long enough to reach me!",
"No problem," he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm.
With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite
impressively long.
"Well," she says, "that's quite impressive, but it's still pretty narrow."
"No problem," he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his
member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
"Wow!" she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad, passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their normal partners and go their separate ways. As they walk along, Mike asks, "Well, was it any good?"
"I hate to say it," says Maureen, "but it was pretty wonderful. How about you?"

"It was horrible," he replies, "all I got was a headache...she kept
slapping my forehead and pulling my ears." :p
 
So disappointed with joke threads here I did not bother to read this until today. Good one though.
 
My god. What happened to OCUK? What's this? a joke thread that actually starts off funny? what the hell is this? where am I?
 
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