Your best drunk achievement / story to date!

I was picked up by traffic police in Glasgow. Well, not in Glasgow; I was walking on the motorway to be more precise. I'd drunk alarming quantities at the Christmas party and then gone for a walk. On the M8. Yeah.

Another time, I'd gone to a local rugby team's fireworks bash. Got hammered, was sick in the car on the way home (wife was driving), peed all over the kitchen floor and then was sick in our bed. Good times.

When I was a student in Edinburgh, me and a mate were planning to go to the Celtic vs Rangers game being played in Glasgow. We met up early, like 6am early, and got on to the sauce at his flat. Got totally banjo'd but somehow made it down to Waverley train station to jump on the train to go see the match. The next thing we know, we're still at the same station and it's darker outside. So, we'd fallen asleep and had been over and back again to Glasgow we estimate 2 times, maybe 3, all whilst comatose. I'm still not sure why we didn't get busted by a ticket inspector.
 
This is one that happened last night.

Me mates 20th birthday and he invited a load of lads and lasses round his house for a BBQ and a large quantity of alcoholic beverages. Got to about 1am and his neighbours started complaining.

2 brothers who we are friends with let us go round their house to continue the party (they are known for their parties, and the dad has warned them previously that night not to have another one). Cue us all playing music extremely loud. Eventually the said brothers dad comes home and shouted at the lad who was sat at the pc in the living room to turn the music off.

This lad doesnt really hang around with us that much, and didnt know it was the brothers' dad. He paused the music for about 10 seconds to say - "look mate, who the **** are you, get out of the ******* house now!". We all had our faces like this :eek:.

Oblivious to who he has just told to jog on (ie the owner of the house) turns back round to the pc to continue playing loud music, bopping away... The dad gets extremely irate and chucks us all out the house.

It was the most funniest thing ever! :D

P.S Funny at the time, but almost definitely a "you had to be their" moment ;)
 
Distinct lack of achievement was Friday night - made a move on an old friend of mine, she was having none of it. Then proceeded to go on a merry wall around North London for two hours before deciding to get the bus home. I was a wreck on Saturday!
 
Best achievement was drinking 800ml of vodka in 10 mins, spewing in someones face, going to hospital and police coming round next morning to give me an official warning
 
Funniest drunken achievement I can remember doing happened on a lads holiday in Zante when we had just turned 18.

Me and my two best mates were out on the strip ****ed up and on the way to get some food passed one of the clubs with an open front with big open bay windows straight onto the street through which we saw they had these awesome neon jukeboxes on the tables about the size of a mini fridge and we wanted one :rolleyes:

So we went in got some beers and started to hatch the plan.

After more beers and some jelly shots the plan was one of us would go wait outside by the window on the street while our drunkest mate carried the jukebox to said window and passed it through to the guy on the other side of the window and then we all go walk out the club and off home with a stolen jukebox which we couldn't even pack to take back with us.

So the plan is put into motion Ell was on the other side of the window waiting and Jay was stumbling to the window with the jukebox. Just as he was approaching the window though this small woman came out of nowhere and started slapping Jay around the face at which point I thought "oh **** we've been rumbled".
Jay is then dragged outside the club (without the jukebox :( ) And the woman still slapping Jay and shouting in his face starts to tell this massive bouncer what had happened :S
I thought it would be cowardly to let Jay take all the slack and fearing he was going to get decked by this Bas Rutten bouncer I decided to go and try to calm things down and go explain ourselves. I approached the bouncer slowly and calmly I cant remember what I was saying but would have been something like hold on let me explain. Next thing I know I'm thinking wow what a clear nights sky? WTF? I was on my back on the floor! Bas Rutten just joke slammed me lol!

I got up and we started explaining some bs story that we were just really drunk and that the 3 of us just wanted a souvenir at which point the bouncer was like ok come with me... walking back inside the club with him we were all like "no its ok we dont want a souvenir were sorry" etc thinking great we will be going home with black eyes for souvenirs now but he insisted and took us upstairs to some room. We were all bricking it thinking how stupid an idea this was and wondering if we would even get out of this without being beaten up or arrested.

Then the bouncer turns around and gives us all a keyring lmao I'm sure he was messing with our heads lol but we were terrified lmao I think we then had a couple of drinks with him to say sorry but none the less the three of us all went back to the hotel needing a change of underwear. :cool:
 
regulus said:
Got drunk in Finland with my girlfriend, her sister and her sister's husband. One of the 6 times I've been drunk in my life. Got back to the hotel, drunk some more. Everyone passes out, I keep on drinking. Girlfriend wakes up at 4am to find me participating on a local Finnish radio game show (they spoke English to accommodate me), whilst lying with my suit in the bath, clutching the phone. To this day I don't remember it. Girlfriend says there was tons of laughter on the phone when 'The Englishman's wife found him'. Also wished me a happy stay in Finland. Nice people to accommodate a drunk :p

Then there was the time I passed out on the field of my local primary school, but that's another story.
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Haha that is awesome. I love getting drunk with Finn's. :D
 
evzy.jpg


Picture of my mate at a house party :D
 
I smashed the pasty of the fit bird that my mate was trying to bang, on holiday.

Doesn't sound that amazing, but he has a six pack and guns and I don't. Geek win!
 
This isn't a funny story, this is just something that happened.

On Friday night my levels of deep inebriation led me to zip-up my flies after going to the toilet, before tucking away the undercarriage, so to speak

I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Not entirely sure why I felt the need to post this :confused:
 
Many and varied. Me and my best mate like taking souveniers home. Unfortauntly we have to walk past a police station to get home from town, so more than once we've had to leave our prizes and run for it :P
 
Got hammered at a house party.

Older brother and mates were goading me about being gay (despite the fact I was there with my gf)

I retaliated by grabbing a full bottle of brandy and downing half of it.

Older bro: "You better get in the bathroom NOW!"
Me: "Why should I..." /run to bathroom and CHUNDER!

I wake up with my head (in much pain) in the bowl of the toilet, chunks everywhere. My brother walks past, looks and ****es himself laughing.

I find out that I am now single due to some things I said to my gf, which to this day (this happened 10 years ago) no-one will tell me.

The thought of brandy makes me queasy now :(
 
Only story I can think of at the minute is one time when I decided it would be hilarious to block all but one of the exits on a mini roundabout, watched a couple of taxi's go round it and going back the way they came, then along came a police car that did the same...
 
I have loads of 'epic' drinking stories but this is probably the worst thing I have done.

My mates and I used to out in Reading town a lot, the one's of us that liked drinking. A few of my mates preferred the herbal way of getting inebriated and a fair few of them would make a campfire and get the deckchairs out down a remote area by the river in the village we lived in.

Quite often, us beer drinkers would be up for staying up a bit later when the pubs shut and often used to walk down to the river after getting the train back to join our mates. There was always a bottle of vodka or something on the go as well.

Well anyway we got the train back and I rather stupidly had parked my car at the station rather than walk, as I nearly missed the train. I must have had a skinful of beer.

I decided it would be wise to drive everyone on the train down to the river. Now this involves about 500 metres of residential road before it becomes a dirt track all the way to the river so in my mind, I thought this was ok. No houses or anything down there.

My friends were all telling me that it was a stupid idea and in any case, there was seven of them so they could not all fit in my Ford Escort.

I resisted and told them they could easily go one on the boot, four in the back and two up front.

So I filled the car up and drove off down to the river. It all went well until I got to the river. You have to go right under a bridge when you get to the river in order to drive into the field where the fire was.

I failed to turn right. Car went over the edge of the concrete bank which is about five feet above the water. Luckily I was so drunk I was not driving too fast and the car got caught on the concrete after the front wheels went over. We teetered. Everybody screamed. We all had to climb out of the boot. I got dragged out as I could not walk anymore.

I don't remember much more of what happened during this night. I have since been told that a mate called one of the local farmers who came down in his tractor to get the car righted. Another mate of mine nearly reversed over me as I was lying paraletic in the long grass later that night. I woke up in the back of my car in the morning wondering what had happened, why I was down the river and why did I stink of pee. To top it all off I had pee'd myself in the night.
 
Hikari Kisugi said:
This is 'one' of your stories? If anything like that has happened more than once I'd suggest you get some therapy.
You could have drowned 7 people. They're all mad too for jumping into a car with a drunk man. Very worrying story.
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Ah the joy of dumb youth.

It was around 15 years ago now and no, I have not nearly drowned anyone since.
 
Makunouchi said:
This isn't a funny story, this is just something that happened.

On Friday night my levels of deep inebriation led me to zip-up my flies after going to the toilet, before tucking away the undercarriage, so to speak

I'll leave the rest to your imagination.

Not entirely sure why I felt the need to post this :confused:
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Hehe, I'm sure many people have done this (me for one).

It's not a pleasant experience unzipping your bag :eek:
 
Plenty of em, one of my most memorable is..

Got smashed, blacked out, next thing I remember I wake up on a park bench right in front of the beach in the goldcoast, australia. Literally 100s of people jogging, walking there dogs, going to the beach etc walking past me. I get up, take shirt off to put on my throbing head to get the sun out of my face and stumble about 2/3 miles home to my flat. Eventually find the flat after hours of looking. I didn't have a key and no one one answered the door to let me in as everyone else was passed out.

Went down the local pub down the road and got back on the sauce with a couple of local aussies. Utterly smashed 2 hours later I go back to the flat for some sleep..

Me and my mate used to have drinking competitions with the local old blokes in that same bar... they used to constantly buy us triple jager bombs intill we were fully done!
 
Detonating a milk bottle full of petrol in the cast iron fireplace in my friend's old house-share many years ago. It destroyed the net curtains on the other side of the room, blew out 2 interior glass doors and set fire to the wall.

The video is on You Tube but I don't think I should link it here because of the swearing once it goes off. (search for "inhouse petrol bomb" if you really want to see it) :p

Same flat, writing a 4 letter word that starts with C into the coffee table with a chainsaw.

Cutting up a sofa with an axe and feeding it into the same fireplace, the cushions made the fire so hot the cast iron fireplace cracked!

My friends landlord must have hated it, needless to say they didn't get their deposit back!
 
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