How to Tell the Sex of a Fly

Schizo

Schizo

Schizo

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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh. ! Killing any?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.

Intrigued, she asked.....
"How can you tell them apart?"


He responded,

" 3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone."
 
The other day I needed to go to the A&E department at my local hospital. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old Army fatigues and stuck a patch onto the front of my shirt
That I had downloaded off the Internet.
When I went into A&E, I noticed that 3/4 of the people waiting there got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.
Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.


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It also works at DSS. It saved me 5 hours.

At the local laundry, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.

Don't try it at McDonald's though.....
The whole crew got up and left and l never got my order...
 
A crusty old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar :
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, the old golfer walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled
golfers. She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer.
"Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"
The old golfer leans over the bar an whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs? "
She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs: "Yes Sir , I sure am."
The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear and says softly, "Well, wash your hands real ******* good because I want a cheeseburger."



My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She looked at me and yelled, "You did this to me, you *******!" I casually replied, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your *** but you said, 'That would hurt too much'."
 
Last edited:
Cosmic182 said:
My girlfriend was in labor with our first child. She was shouting, "Get this out of me! Give me the drugs!" She looked at me and yelled, "You did this to me, you *******!" I casually replied, "If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your *** but you said, 'That would hurt too much'."
Click to expand...
:D
 
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