Soldato
- Joined
- 18 Mar 2008
- Posts
- 12,751
All my life, I've been that guy who can always be taken the mick out of. I've been at my current school since the start of year 7. When I started I thought that the people would be really nice. So I was just myself. In real life I'm a nice guy: I try not to judge people, especially when I don't know the full story behind what I would be judging. For the last 5 years, I've always been helpful to people (at school), I'm always there to help people and I do it gladly. The problem is that I fear that this has set a precedent whereby people feel that they can walk all over me, and so, more recently, I have occassionally not been so helpful. This prompts responses such as "why are you being such a dick?"
I've tried to show people that I'm comfortable with who I am however I fear that this is where part of the source of the problem is from. EG: I was very open about racist jokes, as I did/do not mind them. However, this has manifested itself into 'racist' things being said to me every single day. I say racist but it's not really racist, just derogatory things being said.
The thing is, it's started in the last couple of years to turn from 'banter' to just downright abuse.
Now, as you know, I'm not the biggest of lads. This creates another problem in that I'm not intimidating at all, so nobody sees me as a threat in any way. Therefore people can be rude to me, or clash with me without fear of consequences. That just appears to be how the society works: if you're big, no one will step out of line. If you're perceived as vulnerable in any way, you're completely pounced on. To me that makes it sound like the bullies are in fact the cowardly ones, because they won't try to take on anyone who is bigger than them. Whereas in the past I've often lashed out pretty violently at people much bigger than me and it's ended badly. As a result my tolerance has gone up and it now takes a LOT to push me over the line.
I have been told a few times things such as I'm a joke of a person, that nobody will ever give me any respect. That's another thing, I've often been told in the past that no one respects me. And I understand that respect has to be earnt. However I'm not talking about people respecting me, I'm talking about basic human decency. Truth be told, I have little respect for most of them.
Even when younger years are rude the norm is to beat them up. Even though I could, I simply don't do it, and therefore they're not rude to the ones who do beat them but rude to me, even though I'm actually quite nice to them.
Oh and I forgot to mention that it's a boarding school (for poor kids
) and so the people are all in my 'house'. However I've been told, and I've found, that when you've got a good group of friends, then things such as the above really won't bother you. I used to have a good group of friends but most of them have left to go to other 6th form colleges.
I usually am quite good at dealing with it as I tell myself that soon they'll be out of my life and that I'll be at uni, and won't have to think about them again
To be honest I can handle the verbal bullying. But the occasional physical abuse I get is something that I really don't like. It's not that it hurts, I can deal with that. I just cannot deal with the complete feeling of inadequacy and powerlessness that overcomes me when it happens as I'm unable to fight back as hard.
This was a semi rant, semi looking for advice thread. Am I being naive, or what can I do?
Thanks OcUK
I've tried to show people that I'm comfortable with who I am however I fear that this is where part of the source of the problem is from. EG: I was very open about racist jokes, as I did/do not mind them. However, this has manifested itself into 'racist' things being said to me every single day. I say racist but it's not really racist, just derogatory things being said.
The thing is, it's started in the last couple of years to turn from 'banter' to just downright abuse.
Now, as you know, I'm not the biggest of lads. This creates another problem in that I'm not intimidating at all, so nobody sees me as a threat in any way. Therefore people can be rude to me, or clash with me without fear of consequences. That just appears to be how the society works: if you're big, no one will step out of line. If you're perceived as vulnerable in any way, you're completely pounced on. To me that makes it sound like the bullies are in fact the cowardly ones, because they won't try to take on anyone who is bigger than them. Whereas in the past I've often lashed out pretty violently at people much bigger than me and it's ended badly. As a result my tolerance has gone up and it now takes a LOT to push me over the line.
I have been told a few times things such as I'm a joke of a person, that nobody will ever give me any respect. That's another thing, I've often been told in the past that no one respects me. And I understand that respect has to be earnt. However I'm not talking about people respecting me, I'm talking about basic human decency. Truth be told, I have little respect for most of them.
Even when younger years are rude the norm is to beat them up. Even though I could, I simply don't do it, and therefore they're not rude to the ones who do beat them but rude to me, even though I'm actually quite nice to them.
Oh and I forgot to mention that it's a boarding school (for poor kids
) and so the people are all in my 'house'. However I've been told, and I've found, that when you've got a good group of friends, then things such as the above really won't bother you. I used to have a good group of friends but most of them have left to go to other 6th form colleges. I usually am quite good at dealing with it as I tell myself that soon they'll be out of my life and that I'll be at uni, and won't have to think about them again
To be honest I can handle the verbal bullying. But the occasional physical abuse I get is something that I really don't like. It's not that it hurts, I can deal with that. I just cannot deal with the complete feeling of inadequacy and powerlessness that overcomes me when it happens as I'm unable to fight back as hard.
This was a semi rant, semi looking for advice thread. Am I being naive, or what can I do?
Thanks OcUK
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