Dads - has the birth changed how you see your partner?

Raumarik

Raumarik

Raumarik

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We had our first child on the 25th August this year, now I was there from the start of labour with my wife and saw everything that she went through. I've got to admit nothing prepared me for it, but not only the event itself, but the after effects on our relationship.

I'm not talking hero worship here, but did any of you find that you instantly felt closer and admired your wife more? I honestly can't do enough for her after seeing what she went through giving birth after an extremely painful pregnancy due to SPD and back problems. She also spent 3 hours in theatre after the birth due to complications (was wheeled out 30secs after giving birth and the baby being left with me).

One of my mates says he feels the same, it definately bonds you when you see the birth, not only to your wife but to the little one in a way that he couldn't really have explained to me before. Must admit I was in the "OK it's a big thing, but not life changing" camp before I actually had my own child in my arms!

Here's our little bundle of joy

I'm not a gushy bloke by any means and could hardly be called emotional but I still can't really explain it to my brother, who essentially still holds the same alpha male opinions I did prior to becoming a dad! :D
 
Definitely, even though both ours were csection (emergency then medical need, rather than elective).

Though be prepared to see her in a different light again, pregnancy can do funny things to men and women. Stay close to her and you both will remain happy :) :)

I'd post a pic of mine but nowhere seems to like iPhone for uploading!
 
Well, as much as I hate to pick apart happy emotions, we're pretty sure the "bond" between humans occurs because of the way the chemical response in our brain has evolved.

Genetically speaking, parents who are closely bonded to their partner and child are more likely to raise a strong and healthy child.

However that aside, our ability to love and cherish each other is one of our best assets imo, and scientific explanation or not, it's still a very nice thing.

Enjoy it and good luck to you all :)
 
Congratulations btw...


Yes, the birth of our son did create a far stronger emotional bond between my Wife and Myself.

Regardless of what the future may hold, that bond will be with you for a lifetime, you shared an event that created a new life and that should never be sidelined.

In easy language, you go from simply being a couple who share aspects of their lives, to being a Family, which is your life.
 
im with your brother on this one mate. and i have two kids :p

our little girl was born on october the 8th 2 years ago.

and our little boy was born on september the 12th this year.

i'll admit it did look painful to be giving birth, and if it WAS me in that situation. id opt out of having natural birth and go straight for a c-section. its because im male i guess. :D
 
Congrats to the OP..!!

Only got one daughter (3 years old now) and can truly say that since we've had her not only have we been closer but happier as well.

She endured 40 hours of labour with nothing but Gas & Air and was actually pushing for the last 2 hours before the mid-wife decided that forceps were required along with an epidural.

She never once stopped smiling and joking throughout and I will always respect her for that.
 
100% agree.

We've all seen women give birth on TV and in films but NOTHING compares to real life. I know it sounds cliched. I was so impressed by just how awesome and brave my wife was that I suggested using her middle name as our new daughter's middle name (we already had a forename chosen). It's a little reminder forever of what she went through and how strong she was.

Your mind is kinda programmed to forget it or you'd never have more kids!


Wifey was amazing during the first 3 months too as we had lots of problems with breast feeding and mastitis etc.

Congrats btw! Your daughter's wide-eyed already; she's gonna be a clever thing!


My little pudding:
 
Congratulations! Lovely photo mate :)

In regard to your question, yes of course it changes you (sometimes gradually, sometimes instantly) depending on the type of person you are. It does bring you closer to your partner/wife at the time, because you've created something "big" together. My eldest and first child (now 10) was with my ex-wife and I was the first to hold him - I remember it being a feeling like no other, wonderful. Now I have no bond with her whatsover, regardless of having a child together - I don't speak to her (haven't for 2 years).

My second with my partner now was amazing too because she went through so much and had complications, so we were glad after 48 hours since her water broke to finally see him - plus there was a big age gap (6 years) between him and my first son, so it brought back feelings I had forgotten all over again.

My third child was born around a year and bit later so it wasn't so "magical" especially because after trying for natural birth she had to be rushed into emergency c-section.

I just sat in a room by myself, eerily silent, nervious as hell that my missus and child would be okay. Then the nurse came in with him and it was so weird just holding him by myself for around 20 mins while they tried to revive my partner (on top of everything, she had a reaction to the anasthetic).

As above, you will see changes in both your attitudes towards each other/see each other in a different light as time goes by.

To wrap it up, woman are amazing when it comes to childbirth - but you still have to live with them <said in jest with large sprinkle of truth :)
 
We now pick where we argue rather than doing it spontaneously so he can't see us shouting. ;)

But seriously I couldn't ask for a better mother for our son, we work well as a team and she picks the things up I don't like doing and vice versa.
 
There is no way I'm watching my kids being born. My mother's a midwife, and I've seen live-action birthing before. That sort of thing ruins the intimacy. I don't let girls see me weeing - some things should not be shared. It's cigars in the waiting room for me, thanks, lads.
 
In China they have the kid out in the paddy fields whilst working, no medical aid whatsoever let alone their own room with dedicated staff complete with the latest technology and pain management/suppressants and don't even get time to cut the chord until they are on a break.

Western women don't get anything tough, they are completely pampered and spoilt.
 
doofer said:
In China they have the kid out in the paddy fields whilst working, no medical aid whatsoever let alone their own room with dedicated staff complete with the latest technology and pain management/suppressants and don't even get time to cut the chord until they are on a break.

Western women don't get anything tough, they are completely pampered and spoilt.
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Either that, or Eastern women are horrendously oppressed and have it as bad as anybody ever has. Comparing the two isn't really viable.
 
doofer said:
Western women don't get anything tough, they are completely pampered and spoilt.
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What a load of crap. Childbirth can be a massive thing to go through no matter where you are. My sister-in-law had her second 2 months ago and very nearly died due to massive complications.
 
doofer said:
In China they have the kid out in the paddy fields whilst working, no medical aid whatsoever let alone their own room with dedicated staff complete with the latest technology and pain management/suppressants and don't even get time to cut the chord until they are on a break.

Western women don't get anything tough, they are completely pampered and spoilt.
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You could say that about the whole of western society though, men included :D We are extremely lucky.
 
Deadbeat said:
There is no way I'm watching my kids being born. My mother's a midwife, and I've seen live-action birthing before. That sort of thing ruins the intimacy. I don't let girls see me weeing - some things should not be shared. It's cigars in the waiting room for me, thanks, lads.
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A friend of mine told me he couldn't go near his wife for about 6 months after the birth of their daughter. He said it was like a war zone down there, complete with lots of blood and poop. I'd suggest to anyone going for a natural birth to stay at the head end.

'Luckily' we had to have a c-section so my other half's playing field hasn't been destroyed. ;)
 
Deadbeat said:
There is no way I'm watching my kids being born. My mother's a midwife, and I've seen live-action birthing before. That sort of thing ruins the intimacy. I don't let girls see me weeing - some things should not be shared. It's cigars in the waiting room for me, thanks, lads.
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This. My wife knew from the get go I'd be pacing outside. Thank god her mother wanted to be present :)
 
Expectant fathers - did you know that first births carry an 80-85% chance of the perineum or vestibule tearing? The younger the mother, the greater the risk. I'll also bet that the doctors didn't tell you that your child's mother is almost certainly going to pee & poo herself. That's the image that'll hurtle to the front of your mind for the rest of your married life, every time you put the kids to bed and have an early night.

Trust me on this, cigars in the waiting room. Best thing you can possibly do for the future of your marriage.
 
I admired my wife tremendously before she had our little girl but admire her even more after she gave birth to her. She managed to give birth in the hospital 35 minutes after getting there at 8am, us both having been told to go home because 'nothing was happening' at 2am when we first got there earlier that morning. So, wife did it with no gas, drugs or anything else.

The first thing my newly born daughter did was **** on me. I was okay with that :)
 
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