For those of you who can't spell or do grammar...

EVH said:
Ode to my spell Chequer
Eye halve a spelling chequer
it came with my pea sea
it planely marques four my revue
miss steaks eye kin knot sea.
Eye strike a key and tipe a werd
and weight four it two say
weather eye am wrong oar write
it shows me strait a weigh.
As soon as a mist ache is maid
it nose bee fore two long
and eye can put the error rite
its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye have run this poem threw it
I am shore your pleased two no
its letter perfect awl the weigh
my chequer tolled me sew.
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I see you and raise you...

English is tough stuff

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!
 
Forde said:
It's actually very difficult to write with perfect grammar and spelling.
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I'd agree that it's quite difficult to use perfect grammar (in that some grammatical rules are unpredictable, archaic or just plainly bizarre), and obviously if you don't know how to spell a complicated word, chances are good that you will spell it incorrectly.

It's certainly not difficult, however, to make a passable attempt at doing these things correctly.

And here's a question tagged on: where the hell does "should have", "would have" come from, with "of" replacing the correct "have"? IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE.
 
M0NSTER said:
... I've always wondered about this and why people who cannot spell don't simply use a spell checker like myself.
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You're a spell checker :eek:

Seriously, I try always to use a spell checker. When posting or emailing, I try always to re-read what I have just written before hitting "post" or "send". It doesn't always work but at least it is some sort of an attempt to make what I have written intelligible and I think that I owe my readers that.
 
EVH said:
Personally, it annoys me when people say "to" when they mean "too".

E.g. "I completed that big to!" fuuuuuuuuuuuu :mad:
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Indeed the fact that they don't know the difference between those to also infuriates me. It's "too" when quantifying something and "to" when directing towards something.
 
Here's an interesting analysis of the English language:

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;

But the plural of ox is oxen, not oxes.

Then one fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

Yet the plural of moose should never be meese!

You may find a lone mouse or a whole nest of mice,

But the plural of house is houses, not hice!

If the plural of man is always called men,

Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I speak of a foot, and you show me your feet,

And I give you a boot- would a pair be called beet?

If one tooth, and a whole set are teeth,

Why should not the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that and three would be those,

Yet hat in the plural would never be hose;

And the plural of cat is cats; not cose!

We speak of a brother, and also of brethren,

But though we say mother, we never say methren!

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,

But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim!

So English, I fancy you all will agree

Is the funniest language you ever did see!​
A Nony Mous
 
Spell checker is built into Firefox and chrome, I guess you're all using Internet Explorer still? :D :o :mad:

:rolleyes:

I agree though, if someone doesn't know the difference between their, there & they're, to & too, know & no it really makes them seem quite unintelligent. There is always the response that "well you know what I meant", but if I know what they meant surely they did too?!

Saying that though there are a few people I know that are generally intelligent but often get their/they're/there wrong, I guess language is more difficult for some than others.

It is similar to the religious, someone may be intelligent but still believe in a god. In the same way that someone may be intelligent and not manage to know the difference between 'your' and 'you're'.
 
Jono8 said:
To be honest, I simply don't care enough to check what I write on forums. I know how english works and obviously when writing essays for my degree I wrote properly and double checked all the spelling and grammar.

On here...who cares :confused:
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In the most part I don't mind too much, as long as it's not text speak and is legible then it's normally ok.

However, whether it's a typed letter, an email or a forum post, I still need to read it, and the most legible text (imho) is that which has proper punctuation, spelling and grammer etc.
 
edscdk said:
you will only spell something how you think its spelt, so most people will think their spelling is correct... and probably not know its wrong until told?
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Actually when I read something I'll notice spelling mistakes but if I'm writing that same word I'll still spell it wrong :o

Also my typing is terrible which doesn't help.




Eg before much use of the spell checker it was;


actually when i read somthing i'll notice spelling mistakes but iof i'm wirting that same word i'll stil lspell it wrong :o

Also my typingis terrible which doesn;t help.
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sh4rk said:
In the most part I don't mind too much, as long as it's not text speak and is legible then it's normally ok.

However, whether it's a typed letter, an email or a forum post, I still need to read it, and the most legible text (imho) is that which has proper punctuation, spelling and grammer etc.
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Well yes ofcourse it has to be legible.
 
people say sarcasm is the lowest form of wit but i genuinely have started to lose sleep over my spelling and grammar on the internet. anyone know who i can turn to?
 
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