Yay! Father issues!

Joshy

Joshy

Joshy

Soldato
Joined
15 Jun 2009
Posts
5,016
Location
London
Me and my father aren't entirely close. My parents split up when I was about 8 and I've had a on and off relationship with him since then. I've tried to get him involved with my hobby (cars) but he always ends up moaning and generally being unsupportive. We fight, we don't talk for a while, I think that he might have changed and start talking to him again, we fight again, rinse and repeat for the last 4 odd years.

I was around his place today on his computer when genuinely by accident I stumbled across some of his past searched history which worried me.

A while back I mentioned that I was selling my car. Being a fairly uncommon car it wouldn't have been particularly difficult for him to have found my for sale ads, but he went far beyond that. He decided that he'd go and read through my entire posting history on one of the motoring forums that I'm on. All 750 posts that I've made there :eek:.

Now, I don't think that I've said anything particularly bad or off the wall there, but I can't help but feel that what he has done is incredibility intrusive and a little bit creepy. I know that forums are "public", but I do sometimes consider the internet to be a "private" place in some ways. It allows me to express opinions that I'd find difficult to express to people that I know solely IRL. So when someone from IRL gets involved in the internets it freaks me out a bit.

It's not even the first time he's done it. He had a right go at me once because I apologised for him as a time waster on a forum when he all but promised to buy a car from a member that spent HOURS holding his hand and answering stupid questions and yet decided last minute he didn't want it, despite not even going to view it 10 miles away.

We ended up having yet another tiff today and I mentioned it. Apparently that's his way of showing interest :confused:.

I'm I over reacting? I mean, the internet is a public place, I shouldn't post stuff that'll potentially bite me in the arse? Or is my father a total weirdo who'll never change that I need to stay completely away from?

Thoughts?
 
Yeah I thought that ^^ Maybe he wants know a bit more about you and cars so next time you don't argue and he understands you a little more?

Edit; not the punching in the testicles bit.
 
If it was a public forum you can't blame him for ****. As others have said, maybe he's researching.

Personally, I'm in the same boat in regards to having father issues. Though I haven't spoken to the man in about five years and it was another five years before that I'd spoken to him.
 
big_white_dog84 said:
Maybe he wants to spend more time with you, regrets not getting to know you properly as a child and thought that reading your posts was a way of learning more about you?
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I wish that he thought like that, really I do, but I doubt.

He stone walls each and every attempt I make to get him involved. Spouting some "I don't like cars" nonsense. I don't like football, but I'd fane interest if it would bring us closer together :(.

Oh, and he told me today that he "Doesn't like me, but loves me because he has to" :eek: :rolleyes: :( :D
 
Why are you trying to get your old man interested in your hobby if he's already stated that he has no interest?

EDIT: Do you live with him?
 
Brian8bit said:
You should have dropped him were he stood and left.
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Don't get me started on that.

At the beginning of our little tiff I got up with the intention to deck him, he pranced about a bit, I went back to sit in the car and he went on for about 25 minutes how "attacking" your father is a sin :confused:.
 
IAmATeaf said:
Why are you trying to get your old man interested in your hobby if he's already stated that he has no interest?

EDIT: Do you live with him?
Click to expand...

It's not like he has absoultely no interest... He does occasionally try to talk about cars, today his "activity" for me and my brother was to go to some dodgy used car dealerships and look at some ropey old BMWs with him. Then he started taking the **** by asking "Does this (being in front of ropey old second hand bangers) make you tingle" :confused:.

Live with mum thankfully (Although that's his excuse for why we don't get on. Completely refuses to assume any responsibility, it's all my mother's fault...)
 
Joshy said:
I'm I over reacting? I mean, the internet is a public place, I shouldn't post stuff that'll potentially bite me in the arse? Or is my father a total weirdo who'll never change that I need to stay completely away from?

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Well if your dad has been reading up on your posting history (Hi Mr Joshy Sr), then posting a thread about how you've got problems with him doesn't seem the most likely course of action to sort out your issues to me, especially if he does get to read the thread.

Your dad may be a bit weird and I'm sorry to hear that you've got problems with him or he with you but I don't know how this will help.

Generally speaking I'd suggest not posting things that are liable to cause yourself problems or post too much personal information as potentially anyone with a computer and enough interest has access but it's entirely up to the individual - they know the risks or should do if they're posting up information about themselves. Essentially if the thought of other people knowing the information about you gives you cause to pause then it's probably a good idea not to put it on the internet.
 
Genuinely interested in you, researching you for stuff he can use against you (pretty messed up) or hes seriously paranoid about anything you might say about him publicly.

Or he was extremely bored.
 
tbh your dad sounds a bit of a **** in all honesty.

if he hits out he only loves you because he has to then he isnt worthy of being called a dad, the love between parent and child should be unconditional. I know even now that I could phone my old man night or day and he would be there for me no matter what, he's the first person i would turn to if i needed help and vice versa. the bond between father and son should be stronger than anything else. my dad is my best mate and thats the way it should be. without sounding a bit of a git, your father isnt worthy of you by the sounds of it. and if Mr Joshy senior is reading this then grow the **** up and cherish the fact you have a son who wants you involved in his life its something to be eternally thankful for and an opportunity that should be grabbed with both hands. if your too ignorant to realise what you've got then you really have some sort of problem
 
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Hi, i am Joshy's dad and i am wondering if my son has gone too far. I recently found out that he has been using my p.c. and checking my browser history. What is he looking for?

I am not really his Dad;) but you could wonder why Joshy is looking at his fathers browser history which reminds me to delete my history before my son in law comes round, God knows what he would find ;)

I would not worry too much about him looking at your forum posts as long as you have not said anything bad about him.
 
What's with the car obsession? Surely you can't be that one dimensional that if your dad doesn't share your hobbies that is a black mark. My dad doesn't have any interest in any of my hobbies (but thankfully is interested in me and I am not assuming that is the case with you.) May be you need to find common ground in the things you actually have in common, like genetics, rather than cars or football. What do I know anyway.
 
I did think long and hard about posting this, but the getting it all out if the open is good. I kept this crap bottled for years, today I let a lot of it out today, but re reading what happened really does help me get my head straight. Seriously considering cutting all contact (again), but I just don't learn and always fool myself into thinking that we can have a meaningful relationship.

Problem is that he never thinks that he's in the wrong. Saying stuff that I imagine would make decent dads step back and have a rethink has no effect on him. He just thinks "It's your mother's fault" and that's it. It absolves him of all responsibility in his mind.
 
*stares at the blank reply box*

Was going to type loads of meaningless stuff about my childhood and my relationship with my dad etc, but i don't think it's important.

If you're an adult (i take it you are) you have to focus on your life, your ambitions and make your dad take a back seat. Do you live at home?
 
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