The Terrible Joke Thread

Casdawer

Casdawer

Casdawer

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14 May 2009
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Hampshire
Let me begin...

The programmer compiled an array of reasons as to why he can’t find a girlfriend with a good <HEAD> on her <BODY>, reason 0 being that he has limited cache. So he searches his memory to recall connecting to the TCP/IP tunnel of his last girlfriend — sometimes even without a secure socket.

His last girlfriend always complained about his lack of comments. He fumed, “I hate commenting!” Realizing it was a program requirement, he told her she had nice bits. This resulted in a Syntax Error. Now she demanded a massage, but this was rejected as “Feature Creep.”

He smacked her back-end and shouted, “Who’s your parent node?!” He scanned for open ports. He attempted to install a backdoor worm but her response was 403. While his data uploaded into her input device, she considered terminating the process. But instead she initiated a Do While loop where she recalled a previous boyfriend with a larger pointer.

To expedite the routine routine, she screamed, “Hack into my system! Hack deep into my system! You’re 1337, baby!” This caused his stack to overflow, and he shot his GUI on her interface.
 
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The cartoon characters were playing draw poker between the takes of the epic movie, "Who Framed Roger Rabbit." Roger was the big winner but Mickey Mouse and Huckleberry Hound were doing well.

Goofy, Casper the Ghost and Donald Duck were losing, when Casper picked up the two, three, four, five and seven of hearts. He was unable to scare any of the other players into folding their hands as all but Casper drew one or two cards.

The bidding on the second round was quite animated as the pot grew to the largest to date.

Casper showed his hand and started to take the pot when Roger put down the King, eight, six, five and three of spades to beat him.

The moral of the story, the spirit was willing but the flush was weak.
 
Me and a few mates were on a pub crawl. We found this dodgy east-end pub full of nasty looking gangsters and dodgy geezers.
After a few minutes a door flies open and a bloke dressed in a black shirt and shorts walks in with a whistle in his mouth.

My mate turned round to me with a look of horror on his face, "Get the **** out of here lads it looks like its about to kick off !"
 
This girl came up to me today and said she recognised me from vegetarian club.

I was confused, I'd never met herbivore.
 
I had Sean Connery come round to help put up a new bookshelf. After putting a single book on, it collapsed. Sean turned to me and said..



"I'm so ashamed of my shelf"
 
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