So how many times does a friend need to see you before you cut them off?
the friend who has now split up with his gf
- Thread starter cm1179
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So how many times does a friend need to see you before you cut them off?
I think the simple answer is yes I and i am sure most of you will be the same have a friend ( 40 years) who has been there for me through thick and thin lol cheers mate 
oh look i have hit the DAMIAN post count
oh look i have hit the DAMIAN post count
that's a completely different scenario
users who cannot see what i am trying to say need to look at the flipside; if it's ok for people to be there for a friend who they haven't seen for ages because they have chosen their relationship over them, can they not understand the fact that maybe the person in the relationship may have been needed by the other person but wasn't there for them? then, when the person in the relationship is no longer in the relationship, they feel that they can just slot back in?
Man of Honour
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I can understand that it's irritating when a mate drops contact and seems to fall off the edge of the Earth when in a relationship then comes back when it goes wrong but equally I understand that priorities change and while it'd be nice to see them as regularly as I used to it's not always possible. I may well gently (or not so gently depending on circumstances) remind them that they've been worse than useless at keeping in contact but I'd try to be there for them generally.
I would say though that if the person in the relationship never makes any effort to stay in contact e.g. doesn't even reply to text messages or never comes on a night out when they say they would then that might be a problem that I'd take up with them. I don't appreciate that sort of rudeness/disrespect from anyone - it's not about whether the person can make it, I normally have no issue if they can't but I do have problems when they don't even feel that a reply is merited. I guess it's because I could quite easily do something else with the time but since I've extended the invitation I feel that I should keep the time open for them to meet up - that sort of rudeness does bug me.
I would say though that if the person in the relationship never makes any effort to stay in contact e.g. doesn't even reply to text messages or never comes on a night out when they say they would then that might be a problem that I'd take up with them. I don't appreciate that sort of rudeness/disrespect from anyone - it's not about whether the person can make it, I normally have no issue if they can't but I do have problems when they don't even feel that a reply is merited. I guess it's because I could quite easily do something else with the time but since I've extended the invitation I feel that I should keep the time open for them to meet up - that sort of rudeness does bug me.
Me and my friends are all of the same opinion (at least the last time we talked about this) that dropping complete contact and falling off the edge of the earth for a women is not on.
Usually partners who do that to each other are controlling and the relationship usually ends anyway so no big deal, dislike people who do that to someone else. I was in one but did everything I could to see my friends despite the nuclear fallout when I returned home.
I didn't deserve that at all, so I quit it!
Usually partners who do that to each other are controlling and the relationship usually ends anyway so no big deal, dislike people who do that to someone else. I was in one but did everything I could to see my friends despite the nuclear fallout when I returned home.
I didn't deserve that at all, so I quit it!
Soldato
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I've got this friend who did the whole dissapearing act thing. At first I regularly invited him out. But for what was probably a matter of months the answer was always (always) "Sorry mate seeing the missus tonight". So I stopped inviting him. Since doing so was an obvious waste of time/money.
Next thing I know he's not talking to me at all, and he's telling people his friends have turned their back on him.
Seriously, I can understand people putting their g/f's first, but there's no excuse for completely dropping your closest mates and not making any effort to see them at all.
Give your g/f the majority of your time for sure. But not all of it.
I reckon people in this country sell their soul to their g/f's because theyre afraid of going back to being single. Sad really.
Next thing I know he's not talking to me at all, and he's telling people his friends have turned their back on him.
Seriously, I can understand people putting their g/f's first, but there's no excuse for completely dropping your closest mates and not making any effort to see them at all.
Give your g/f the majority of your time for sure. But not all of it.
I reckon people in this country sell their soul to their g/f's because theyre afraid of going back to being single. Sad really.
You're honestly comparing someone moving away (ie: unavoidable cvircumstance) to someone willingly not contacting their friends? Morba, you continue to surprise me.
Exactly, it's just common sense.
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Soldato
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I would still be friends but they would be getting ripped constantly for a while.
Also if it keeps happening to the same guy the abuse would get worse each time.
But dopn't hold a grudge unless you are being massively used. As annoying as it is for you this person is your "friend" and it is always going to be worse for them.
Also if it keeps happening to the same guy the abuse would get worse each time.
But dopn't hold a grudge unless you are being massively used. As annoying as it is for you this person is your "friend" and it is always going to be worse for them.
Absolutely!
The op doesn't say that he willingly doesn't make contact. And yes I am comparing the 2 as I understand mates disappear when they get a new partner but keep in contact how and when they can.
My best mate from ten years ago pretty much became a shut-in when he got himself a proper girlfriend. I moved away from London, but even our friends still there told me what a disappearing act he'd done. My favourite bit was how, when I lived in Hull, he's visit his then girlfriend in Leeds nearly every weekend, yet never come across to see me. Whenever I'm back in London now, I've given up trying to make contact with him now, because I know he won't respond, and I almost expect we have very little in common any more.
If he pulled his finger out tomorrow and said "Hey, I'm gonna come and visit, fancy a weekend out?" I'd happily take him in. Because he's still my mate, and he hasn't actually done anything wrong to me.
Whole lotta manbags in this thread.
If he pulled his finger out tomorrow and said "Hey, I'm gonna come and visit, fancy a weekend out?" I'd happily take him in. Because he's still my mate, and he hasn't actually done anything wrong to me.
Whole lotta manbags in this thread.
wrong. but hey, fair weather friends sound awesome!
Soldato
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I have a couple of fiends like this. I don't bother with them any more.
They still turn up to 'group' events but I never go out of my way to invite them places, you know as soon as a bird turns up they'll disappear again.
Edit: Just noticed my typo on the first line. Appropriate so I'm leaving it.
They still turn up to 'group' events but I never go out of my way to invite them places, you know as soon as a bird turns up they'll disappear again.
Edit: Just noticed my typo on the first line. Appropriate so I'm leaving it.
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I have a wife and 2 children, I know that I am not far off being the same myself yet have friends which welcome me whenever I have the time.
Maybe that is what makes me more understanding of the situation.
having a wife and children is a little bit different to just having a girlfriend
Soldato
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Most people get over the "OH I WUB YEW" stage of the relationship in 2 or 3 months - after that most people start being more normal about it, going out again and resuming what they did before but with the addition of said girlfriend.
The problem is when they keep going along that road and don't talk to anyone, turn up to anything or even bother making the small effort of keeping in contact for months / years.
Everyone has friends where you can meet up once in a blue moon and things are as good as always, but regular friends require more effort to maintain.
This is completely different if you get married / have kids, in which case they'll be happy when you do go out - but won't judge you for not doing so.
The problem is when they keep going along that road and don't talk to anyone, turn up to anything or even bother making the small effort of keeping in contact for months / years.
Everyone has friends where you can meet up once in a blue moon and things are as good as always, but regular friends require more effort to maintain.
This is completely different if you get married / have kids, in which case they'll be happy when you do go out - but won't judge you for not doing so.
Hit the nail on the head.
also some girls are psychotic, and want the bf to themself, which means that if the guy wants to go out with his friends she gets all upset and makes him feel guilty, so he doesn't just to please her. And anytime he wants to go out she puts the man in a position to make him feel uncomfortable.
if im going out with my mates i always plan 2-3 days in advance so that she can't moan, cause women are clever at catching you out. but honestly dude go out have a drink catch up, when were all in relationships it's not easy to keep everyone happy.
if im going out with my mates i always plan 2-3 days in advance so that she can't moan, cause women are clever at catching you out. but honestly dude go out have a drink catch up, when were all in relationships it's not easy to keep everyone happy.