the friend who has now split up with his gf

dave1983 said:
also some girls are psychotic, and want the bf to themself, which means that if the guy wants to go out with his friends she gets all upset and makes him feel guilty, so he doesn't just to please her. And anytime he wants to go out she puts the man in a position to make him feel uncomfortable.

if im going out with my mates i always plan 2-3 days in advance so that she can't moan, cause women are clever at catching you out. but honestly dude go out have a drink catch up, when were all in relationships it's not easy to keep everyone happy.
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one of my ex's was like this and i hardly saw my mates. when we split up i had to work hard to get back into the circle of friends but i did. you have to bear in mind its all a part of growing up. when people get into a relationship,have kids etc things just get forgotten about. theres not usually any malice involved.
 
There is a difference between just loosing contact and a mate just ignoring you.

I have mates who have had serious relationships where i'd barely see them or hear from them and when they've split been back out on the lash with the lads.

But have also had mates (1 guy in particular) who like the ops mate is a constant offender, but its not a case of him being busy and loosing touch, its him not replying to texts, messages. Arranging things with you and making last minute changes to go out with the mrs but not even telling you. Lets say i dont really have any time for this guy.

So if your so called mate has just been ignoring messages etc i'd say **** em. If its a case as you barely see or hear from them, then go for a pint ;)

If the boot was on the other foot n all that tripe.
 
cm1179 said:
wrong. but hey, fair weather friends sound awesome!
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He's not asking you to spoon him, he just wants to go out for a drink. Where's the harm in that? Or do you only drink with your bestest buddies?

Yamahahahahaha said:
This is completely different if you get married / have kids, in which case they'll be happy when you do go out - but won't judge you for not doing so.
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Someone clearly isn't married. :p
 
cm1179 said:
has been in touch sporadically throughout their 3 year relationship but now him and his gf have finished he suddenly wants to get 'back on the scene' and organise a 'lads night out in the city' and sends texts such as 'what you doing tonight, mate, fancy the pub for the football tonight'?

do they expect just to pick things back up from where they left?
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I hate people that do this.

Is so obvious they want you to play 'second fiddle'. 'I haven't got anything better to do so, as I'm desperate, may as well hang out with the OP' :( Don't stand for it ..

If you go to the pub with him and he pulls, you'll be ditched faster than a hot poker. If he gave you a lift to the pub and you NEED him to get you home and he pulls, it will be 'who cares how you get home see ya'. Trust me this actually happened to me :/ And he thought he was actually justified because 'he pulled'.

Don't let him treat you like this, it's disrespectful. I can't believe the amount of people that say 'Whats your problem? Mates are supposed to come second and only be of any interest when you're single' :(
 
Morba said:
No one is saying that mates should only be spent time with when single.
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Ok maybe not but it's the whole 'second fiddle' thing.

The whole 'You know I'd rather be somewhere else, I KNOW I'd rather be somewhere else (ie with a girl) - but I don't have the option at the moment, so let's go out and pretend play best buddies 'arn't we having a fun time' until my number 1 choice of activities to do is back available .. you can kind of keep me 'ticking over' with fun. Of course when #1 activity presents itself, which may be 25 minutes after getting to the pub, I'm immediately gonna be acting like 'screw you, I'm with this girl now -- why don't you just go home mate you've bored me now compared to her .. I'll call you if I ever reach that level of desperation again .. but don't hold your breath ok?' .


:/
 
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britboy4321 said:
Ok maybe not but it's the whole 'second fiddle' thing.

The whole 'You know I'd rather be somewhere else, I KNOW I'd rather be somewhere else (ie with a girl) - but I don't have the option at the moment, so let's go out and pretend play best buddies 'arn't we having a fun time' until my number 1 choice of activities to do is back available - at which point it's going to again immediately be 'screw you I don't care what you're up to'.


:/
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Nobody has said that its a case of 'screw you, I dont care about you' thought. If that was how the friend was then surely you wouldnt be a friend with them anyway as they clearly are *****.

Do some people here only have 1 friend or something, when they have something else to do are you left all alone?!
A group of friends grows and shrinks in time, or are new people not allowed into the group either?!
 
Morba said:
Nobody has said that its a case of 'screw you, I dont care about you' thought. If that was how the friend was then surely you wouldnt be a friend with them anyway as they clearly are *****.

Do some people here only have 1 friend or something, when they have something else to do are you left all alone?!
A group of friends grows and shrinks in time, or are new people not allowed into the group either?!
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For me there is some penalty to be paid if the moment some tail comes along a 'mate' completely 100% ditches all his friends, as that person become not worth emotionally investing time into (as in, for example, whats the point of planning a skiing holiday with him? Or anything else?). Oh god I sounded like Oprah then!! :/

Morba .. if we were mates and I phoned you and said 'er .. I've got nowt better to do (I have had for the last 3 years), so thought I'd spend some time with you, it's your lucky day you lucky, lucky chap' wouldn't you think 'er .. **** off mate'?
 
britboy4321 said:
For me there is some penalty to be paid if the moment some tail comes along a 'mate' completely 100% ditches all his friends, as that person become not worth emotionally investing time into (as in, for example, whats the point of planning a skiing holiday with him? Or anything else?). Oh god I sounded like Oprah then!! :/
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Skiing holiday?! the other person has contacted the op to go for a drink.

Morba .. if we were mates and I phoned you and said 'er .. I've got nowt better to do (I have had for the last 3 years), so thought I'd spend some time with you, it's your lucky day you lucky, lucky chap' wouldn't you think 'er .. **** off mate'?
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If someone called me with that sort of tone then I wouldnt have time for them regardless of how long I hadn't seen them.
A friend calls me up and asks me for a drink and I dont have anything else planned then I would go for a drink as it would be nice to catch up, no?
 
If the friend made some what of an effort to see me over the past 3 years, then I could forget it, if he made no effort what-so-ever and just expected to go back to normal I'd tell him to **** off.

Simples.
 
Thesaff said:
That's what friends do. Your friend calls you at 3 in the morning and you listen to the soppy daft twonk, why, because he is your friend.
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While I agree with most people telling OP that he is a friend and all and they should go out, I don't agree with this.

It gives me the impression your a doormat to be walked all over.
 
.Lethal said:
While I agree with most people telling OP that he is a friend and all and they should go out, I don't agree with this.

It gives me the impression your a doormat to be walked all over.
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Why does it?


Question for all the people who think it is wrong:

Are you in a relationship yourself?
 
Morba said:
Why does it?


Question for all the people who think it is wrong:

Are you in a relationship yourself?
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Me? I'm married.

As for the first question, I wouldn't be happy if someone rang me up at 3am talking a load of nonsense.

I suppose thats why we are all different.. to each there own.
 
To be fair, I wouldn't pay attention to anything someone was saying to me at 3am, if I was trying to sleep, regardless of who they were.

britboy4321 said:
If you go to the pub with him and he pulls, you'll be ditched faster than a hot poker. If he gave you a lift to the pub and you NEED him to get you home and he pulls, it will be 'who cares how you get home see ya'. Trust me this actually happened to me :/ And he thought he was actually justified because 'he pulled'.
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So that guy is a **** when he's out for a drink. That's an entirely different scenario to not going out at all.

The question for the OP should be, do you get on with him when you go drinking? If you do, then why turn him down just because you haven't spoken in ages?
 
.Lethal said:
As for the first question, I wouldn't be happy if someone rang me up at 3am talking a load of nonsense.
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But that is regardless of who calls, no? Not just someone that you haven't spoken to in a while.

The op was about going for a drink, not being called up at 3am. How is going for a drink showing that you are a doormat?
 
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