the friend who has now split up with his gf

Morba · 11 Nov 2010 at 14:29

Weebull said:
He was only on about the quote that specified that though, Morba.

I have to say that I didn't see a quote in there at first!

.Lethal · 11 Nov 2010 at 14:31

Morba said:
But that is regardless of who calls, no? Not just someone that you haven't spoken to in a while.

The op was about going for a drink, not being called up at 3am. How is going for a drink showing that you are a doormat?

I Think you have taken my earlier comment the wrong way.

What I was saying is that if random person was taking phone calls at 3am to listen to someone talk rubbish for whatever length of time, and continue to do so in the future, personally I wouldn't put up with it.

The person I quoted said thats what they do, I didn't quote the OP.

I already said what I would do regarding the OP, go out with him for a drink. Given I haven't seen some friends for a few years, if all of a sudden one got in touch, and I got on well with him I wouldn't have any problem going out for a drink.

Morba · 11 Nov 2010 at 14:55

Yea i see that now, too busy ranting to notice your quote I think

Sorry for confusion!

lewism · 11 Nov 2010 at 16:13

People that moan about thier mates "not going out with the lads" as often as they did when they were single have generally never been in a serious relationship. There's always room to find a good friends/mrs balance.

^TANK^ · 11 Nov 2010 at 16:20

I absolutely hate it with a passion when a friend meets a girl then disowns me!

cm1179 · 11 Nov 2010 at 18:57

Morba said:
But that is regardless of who calls, no? Not just someone that you haven't spoken to in a while.

The op was about going for a drink, not being called up at 3am. How is going for a drink showing that you are a doormat?

another poster summed it up very well with the phrase ''second fiddle'' and then excellently amplified the point by saying people who do this are only doing it because their number 1 option is no longer available and will do it again as soon as another girl comes onto the scence. i can't believe you can't grasp this.

HAz · 11 Nov 2010 at 19:04

Tell him ya busy, hes only using you till another comes along.

Morba · 11 Nov 2010 at 19:29

cm1179 said:
another poster summed it up very well with the phrase ''second fiddle'' and then excellently amplified the point by saying people who do this are only doing it because their number 1 option is no longer available and will do it again as soon as another girl comes onto the scence. i can't believe you can't grasp this.

Should his woman be second to you, an unaccepting 'friend'?

I grasp what you are saying, I however am able to accept this happens and get on with life, Whig is something you cannot grasp.

Morba · 11 Nov 2010 at 19:31

HAz said:
Tell him ya busy, hes only using you till another comes along.

That's pathetic tbh. If you are going to say that then just tell him you never want to hear from him again. It's obvious you would want to be a friend with them anymore.

britboy4321 · 11 Nov 2010 at 20:48

Morba said:
Why does it?

Question for all the people who think it is wrong:

Are you in a relationship yourself?

Yea married. About 70% of my mad uni drinking friends (all single when we met) were fine when they got a girl, about 30% did this complete 'Who cares about you boys in any way whatsoever lads don't ever call me I won't call you, and I'll say no to EVERYTHING you invite me to forever. oh I'm single .. WAHAY I'M CRAZY LETS GO OUT FOR BEERS BOYS LET'S GO ON THE PULL LADS I'M BACK WHAT'S THE CRAIC... oh I've met someone else -- er .. **** off again now lads eh you're boring me ...' :/ it's very common, and unacceptable in my book .. I'm not a tool to be 'used' to entertain someone for the time they bounce between skirt ..

Morba · 11 Nov 2010 at 21:05

So why let them back in your life at all? If they were the sort that had that attitude then I bet the weren't much fun to be around anyway tbh.

cm1179 · 11 Nov 2010 at 21:17

Morba said:
So why let them back in your life at all? If they were the sort that had that attitude then I bet the weren't much fun to be around anyway tbh.

impe the lad in question, i have known for 25+ years and he's an awesome lad, still what i class as one of my best friends, doesn't excuse his attitude. i'd be there for him in a crisis but i'm not gonna drop everything to suit him now, which is essentially what he is thinking is quite plausible. as soon as another girl gets in his life or he gets back with this one (most likely scenario) he will dissapear again, so i wouldn't be being true to myself if i let him slot back in as if nothing had happened, anyone who does this is simply mugging themself.

BennyC · 11 Nov 2010 at 21:34

cm1179 said:
do they expect just to pick things back up from where they left?

That's the difference between men and women.

Men don't give a toss if it's been 1 day, 1 week or a year since you last spoke. They're just happy to hear from you and go for a drink and a bit of banter.

I've got mates from uni that I rarely speak to but when we do it's like we spoke yesterday.

Women generally tend to need more 'maintenance' in my experience.

I'm not painting all with the same brush as I'm sure there are exceptions.

Just brush it off, I'm sure you'd hope for the same if you were in his shoes.

cm1179 · 11 Nov 2010 at 21:53

BennyC said:
I've got mates from uni that I rarely speak to but when we do it's like we spoke yesterday.

again, that's a different scenario.

Weebull · 11 Nov 2010 at 22:34

cm1179 said:
impe the lad in question, i have known for 25+ years and he's an awesome lad, still what i class as one of my best friends, doesn't excuse his attitude. i'd be there for him in a crisis but i'm not gonna drop everything to suit him now, which is essentially what he is thinking is quite plausible. as soon as another girl gets in his life or he gets back with this one (most likely scenario) he will dissapear again, so i wouldn't be being true to myself if i let him slot back in as if nothing had happened, anyone who does this is simply mugging themself.

Why does going for a drink = drop everything? If you've got other plans, say you can't make it. If you haven't, why cut your nose off to spite your face?

Some of you must attach for more seriousness to going on the lash with a mate than I ever realised possible. Is it some kind of deeply spiritual connection with a soul mate who understands your inner needs and desires for you? I always thought it was just about getting drunk and being stupid.

I find it bizarre that you'd be there for someone in a crisis, yet not want to just have a casual drink with them.

Morba · 11 Nov 2010 at 22:38

Wow, one of your best friends and you are asking if you should go for a drink?
You aren't much of a friend if this is how you act imo.
He's asked if you want a drink, if you are busy say no and rearrange. Jeez

cm1179 · 11 Nov 2010 at 22:47

if you can't see where i'm coming from, fair enough

Morba · 11 Nov 2010 at 23:01

I can't. One of your best friends. Either you have time or you don't. If you do but you don't want to spend it with him then have the decency to tell him why.

britboy4321 · 11 Nov 2010 at 23:08

Weebull said:
Is it some kind of deeply spiritual connection with a soul mate who understands your inner needs and desires for you?

Indeed it is. With touching. :eek:

HAz · 11 Nov 2010 at 23:13

Some people dont like getting used morba, I have had the same thing happen to me with a mate and now i dont even give him the time of day! hes no friend of mine thats for sure.