Critique my CV cover letter

unclebob123

unclebob123

unclebob123

Associate
Joined
28 Jul 2007
Posts
646
Hi. If someone could take the time to take a look through my cover letter for a job application I would be most grateful. My two observations would be maybe its too long and I haven't emphasised what I can bring to the job strongly enough?

Also, grammar and punctuation are not my strongest points, so inevitably there are going to be some mistakes there.


I would like to express my interest in applying for the position of Television Assistant as advertised on monster.co.uk. As a graduate in Film and Television Production and someone who has real world experience in a television production environment I have a number of essential qualities which I can bring forward to the position. As such should be considered a strong candidate.

In September of 2009 I enrolled in a three month voluntary position working in Mongolia for Business Television (BTV). During my time at BTV, I developed a number of very useful transferable skills. As the TV presenter for the nightly 'B-spot' news show, I had to write and deliver news content in a clear, confident and approachable manner. As editor for the show, I had to coordinate the work of other staff, research stories, proof read and approve English language copy and work to very tight schedules.

Previous to my time at BTV I worked as a freelance camera operator. I soon found myself predominantly working in the corporate sector; providing crewing services and interviewing for exhibitions, trade shows and conferences. In addition to exposing me to busy and ever changing dynamic working environments, it helped further develop my core project management skills such as working to deadlines and delivering to a specification laid out by the client, as well as communicating with senior level management.

I am now looking for a position at an energetic production company where I can apply my enthusiasm for television production. I am a professional and honest individual, with a drive and determinism to succeed and would be delighted to further discuss the position. As such I am available for a meeting anytime.

Thank you for your time. Please find enclosed my curriculum vitae for your consideration

Yours sincerely,
 
Take out the phrase "had to", makes it sound like you had no choice and it doesnt sound as enthusiastic. Apart from that it looks decent enough. Good luck.
 
Its a nice letter, polite, well written although maybe a bit long. Just make sure its all relevant to what is in the job description and dont bother putting in too much which isnt on the job description.
 
It is a bit too long.

Remember, they will be receiving hundreds of applications and unless it stands out, it may end up in the bin.

Make it short and punchy. What you have been doing in the past is for the interview.

Sounds corny, but if you are sending in any paper CV's or anything, print it up on some nice paper, even off-white to stand out.
 
unclebob123 said:
As such should be considered a strong candidate.

As such I am available for a meeting anytime.
Click to expand...


I personally don't like the two sentences above. I would take out the first completely and reword the second. I also agree with taking out "had to".

It is a bit on the long side and should it not be "Yours Faithfully" instead of "Yours Sincerely"?

Other than that it is fine.
 
Agree on the strong candidate comment, its like you are telling them what to think.

You were a presenter on Mongolian tv?!
 
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