the friend who has now split up with his gf
- Thread starter cm1179
- Start date
The fact of the matter is when you are with a partner they become a priority, especially if you are living with them. Ignoring calls/Not replying to text messages is completely not on though. Any "friend" that does that is no-longer a friend in my book.
There is a good friend of mine that I barely see any more due to me getting into a serious relationship. We used to go out 2 or 3 nights a week or at the very least a Friday or Saturday night. This no longer happens, partly due to the fact it was affecting my work, also I was spending far to much money on taxis and drink and the 3rd reason is I sometimes I just cannot be bothered any more.
What does annoy me though is he is not working at the moment and just finished a college course. I have suggested meeting up for a drink to catchup on a Friday or Saturday, as I am off at the weekend and I know with him not working this should be fine too. However he says he doesn't like going out on those days and would prefers Sunday. This wouldn't be a problem except he has a huge problem meeting on time, so the earliest he arrives is about 9:30-10pm and on a Sunday I cannot be bothered meeting that late when I have to get up at 6am the next morning.
There is a good friend of mine that I barely see any more due to me getting into a serious relationship. We used to go out 2 or 3 nights a week or at the very least a Friday or Saturday night. This no longer happens, partly due to the fact it was affecting my work, also I was spending far to much money on taxis and drink and the 3rd reason is I sometimes I just cannot be bothered any more.
What does annoy me though is he is not working at the moment and just finished a college course. I have suggested meeting up for a drink to catchup on a Friday or Saturday, as I am off at the weekend and I know with him not working this should be fine too. However he says he doesn't like going out on those days and would prefers Sunday. This wouldn't be a problem except he has a huge problem meeting on time, so the earliest he arrives is about 9:30-10pm and on a Sunday I cannot be bothered meeting that late when I have to get up at 6am the next morning.
I had the same problem but this was with one of my female best friend. We was good friends for the 8 years we had known each other, go out for lunches, clubbing, cinema, I even bedded some of her mates
Anyway, first time she got a serious boyfriend she was ok for a few months and contact was gone. No answer to phone calls, no reply to text message and emails. I was worried so I went to her house, got speaking to her parents and they said she had moved in with her boyfriend. So I left it as that as I was peed she had completely ignored me. Four months after I went to her house again, parents explain she has broken up with him and lived at her nans, during this time her number had change and was given to me by her parents to call her. So i did, surprise surprise, she answered and we got talking. It was like nothing had happened. 8 months later, she finds another person and history repeats itself. Its 18 months since I last had contact with her, went to her parents house back in August, just incase something did happen and she is all fine and danny living with her current boyfriend. Again, no answer to phone calls, no reply to text message and emails.
I have 3 best males friends, one who I have known for 16 years, one for 10 years and the other for 13 years. We have never broken contact with each other and I see them nearly every week without fail. And if we don't, that phone gets used instead. Keeping in mind 2 of them are married with kids and contact still hasn't broken.
So my opinion is, if they have the ignorance and disrespect to drop in and out of your friendship when it suites them then ditch them. They ain't worth the hassle. You don't do it to them, so you expect them not to do it to you.
Boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go but friends will always be there. For those so called friends who have a bad habit of ditching their friends every time they find someone new, then they are going to grow up to be a extremely lonely person.
Anyway, first time she got a serious boyfriend she was ok for a few months and contact was gone. No answer to phone calls, no reply to text message and emails. I was worried so I went to her house, got speaking to her parents and they said she had moved in with her boyfriend. So I left it as that as I was peed she had completely ignored me. Four months after I went to her house again, parents explain she has broken up with him and lived at her nans, during this time her number had change and was given to me by her parents to call her. So i did, surprise surprise, she answered and we got talking. It was like nothing had happened. 8 months later, she finds another person and history repeats itself. Its 18 months since I last had contact with her, went to her parents house back in August, just incase something did happen and she is all fine and danny living with her current boyfriend. Again, no answer to phone calls, no reply to text message and emails.
I have 3 best males friends, one who I have known for 16 years, one for 10 years and the other for 13 years. We have never broken contact with each other and I see them nearly every week without fail. And if we don't, that phone gets used instead. Keeping in mind 2 of them are married with kids and contact still hasn't broken.
So my opinion is, if they have the ignorance and disrespect to drop in and out of your friendship when it suites them then ditch them. They ain't worth the hassle. You don't do it to them, so you expect them not to do it to you.
Boyfriends and girlfriends will come and go but friends will always be there. For those so called friends who have a bad habit of ditching their friends every time they find someone new, then they are going to grow up to be a extremely lonely person.
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Then you aren't much of a friend tbh
I don't need friends who are clingy and need attention all the time.
There's a big difference between clingy and a supposed friend being noticeably abscent as soon as they get a girl who's desperate enough to show them attention. (I say this because fairweather friends in my experience are the saddest douchiest form of people)
True friends are consistent and loyal, they don't pop in and out as and when it's convenient for them, single or not.
An excellent example of this is at my boxing club, the fair weather dudes stop turning up as soon as they get a girl whereas those of is who have a constant influx of girls are there every week. Can you guess which ones stand and bang if it comes down to it on a night out in town and which ones always seem to coincidentally miss out on the action every single time?
wouldnt wanna be your friend.
95% of the posters here is in superficial friendships anyway. I don't have friends. I have .... brothers. They're pretty much like blood brothers to me. Or I have acquaintances. There's no middle ground.
It matters not what you've achieved in life or what you have, these guys have known you since you were an awkward, skinny and stuttering 13 year old with nothing, scared of everything. My first breakup, they rallied. When I was in university and chronically skint, I've seen money appear in my wallet, from nowhere. There'd be a tenner in there I know wasn't there before. When I bought my first house, I say house, more like a dump. The boys just turned up with paintbrushes, brooms and beer. I can name a thousand, no, million more such incidences. I can name an equal amount of things I've done for them.
Girls come on the scene and girls go. Some of them stay and get brought into the 'brotherhood'. The brotherhood stay constant. The core is strong and no silly tart will ever spoil that. It's just too valuable and unthinkable that it will ever happen.
Baltimore Flats Freebirds. Since 1992! (TM)
It matters not what you've achieved in life or what you have, these guys have known you since you were an awkward, skinny and stuttering 13 year old with nothing, scared of everything. My first breakup, they rallied. When I was in university and chronically skint, I've seen money appear in my wallet, from nowhere. There'd be a tenner in there I know wasn't there before. When I bought my first house, I say house, more like a dump. The boys just turned up with paintbrushes, brooms and beer. I can name a thousand, no, million more such incidences. I can name an equal amount of things I've done for them.
Girls come on the scene and girls go. Some of them stay and get brought into the 'brotherhood'. The brotherhood stay constant. The core is strong and no silly tart will ever spoil that. It's just too valuable and unthinkable that it will ever happen.
Baltimore Flats Freebirds. Since 1992! (TM)
Soldato
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I have had this happened with practically all my friends over the years, they get into a relationship and you never hear from them again, I personally don't think that it's acceptable really, a friendship works both ways, a friendship is an on going process, not something you just through away when something better comes along, just because your in a relationship you shouldn't forget about your mates, I'm not saying your should neglect your spouse by putting your friends before him/her or anything but how hard is it to drop a line once in a while or be invited around for a meal.
Just go have a night out with him?
Though I do agree, people who get a girlfriend then never come out with their friends anymore need to see their friends.
I've got a friend who we haven't seen for about 6 months since he got his girlfriend, only time he bothered to get in contact with us was to ask if he could borrow out season tickets to watch an Arsenal game with his girlfriend, like hell he can. ******.
Though I do agree, people who get a girlfriend then never come out with their friends anymore need to see their friends.
I've got a friend who we haven't seen for about 6 months since he got his girlfriend, only time he bothered to get in contact with us was to ask if he could borrow out season tickets to watch an Arsenal game with his girlfriend, like hell he can. ******.
I think it's hardly a substitute for meeting up face-to-face, though. People seem to be happy maintaining purely "virtual" relationships these days - I at least use the phone to talk to people I can't see often (ie: good RL friends in other countries).
</facebook hater>
lol so, you're a facebook friend kind of person? with all due respect, you sound like exactly the kind of person a lot of people on here described. over the moon to get a girlfriend, have to hold onto her no matter what because you're afraid of never getting another, at the sacrifice of your long term 'friends'!
harsh but probably true and now i understand why you still can't see where i'm coming from
some people, yes. same people who when the relationship ends, usually call her all the names under the sun to the friends they haven't seen in a long time
I think it's hardly a substitute for meeting up face-to-face, though. People seem to be happy maintaining purely "virtual" relationships these days - I at least use the phone to talk to people I can't see often (ie: good RL friends in other countries).
</facebook hater>
Nah, it's not a good substitute, but then neither is phoning people tbh.
Over the moon to get a girlfriend and scared id never get another? Lol what an odd assumption.
I've moved 7 times in 10 years to places in wales, Bristol and around London. I'm not going to be able to see all my friends as often as I'd like which is kinda understandable don't you think?
Soldato
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Phoning people is much better than face-booking imo, it's much more personal and shows that you care to take the time to have a proper conversation/catch up with an old friend.
oh right, it only took you 50+ posts to drop that in
I never said it wasn't, I just said they are both poor in comparison to face to face.
I don't see how that makes a difference? I've said that I see having a partner like someone moving away already.
I also said that I know friends groups grow and shrink with time and 'life'.
Thankfully I can go and see any of my friends without issue and carry on like no time has passed, which you seem unable to do.
Have you even replied to this 'best' friend of yours yet?