End Of The Week Joke

Schizo

Schizo

Schizo

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19 Feb 2008
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paddy and mick are fishing near a bridge.

suddenly a hearse and two funeral car's go over the bridge so mick stands up and takes his cap off and bows his head.

when the cars have gone he puts his ccap back on and carries on fishing.

paddy turns to him and says "mick,thats one of the nicest most respectful things i've ever seen.

mick replies "well we were married for nearly 40 years"
 
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Even with that change it’s not much better. He should have just posted a random poem at least there would have been something to read and possibility even smile at.
 
These two starving bums are walking through an alley when one of them sees a dead cat.

He runs over, sits down and starts to eat the cat, tearing the meat from its limbs.

He says to the other bum, "Hey, I know you're hungry, too. Why don't you eat some of this cat?"

"Hell no!!!" replies the second bum, "That cat's been dead for days, he's all stiff and cold and smelly!"

The first bum says, "Okay, suit yourself," and continues to eat everything, skin, muscle, guts, all but the skeleton.

A few hours later as they are walking down the street the first bum says, "Oh, I don't feel so good. I think there might have been something wrong with that cat."

And just then, he pukes up a huge puddle of rotten cat flesh and guts with stomach bile mixed in, all half-digested and looking like mush.

The second bum sits down next to the puddle and says, "Now you're talking'! It's been months since I had a warm meal!"
 
Little boy came home from school, found his mum and dad at it on the couch, little boy asked his dad why he was hurting mummy, daddy turned round and said, its okay son, Im filling her up with petrol, little boy turned around and said, she doesnt get many miles to the gallon does she, uncle John filled her up this morning!.


Had 14 yoghurts yesterday..........I was muller'd
 
Teachers at the front of the class writing on the blackboard. She hears laughter and turns round to see one of the liitle girls looking red faced with a growing puddle under her chair while her classmates are pointing and laughing at her.
Crossly she says "Mary, what have I told you? If you need to go to the toilet just put up your hand"
Upset Mary replies "I did miss, but it just trickled through my fingers."
 
The missus was watching a cookery programme the other day.

I said "What you watching that for? You can't cook!."

She said: "You watch porn".

B****.
 
An Englishman walks into a bar and asks if they want to hear an Irish joke. The guy next to him, built like a brick out house taps him on the arm and says, "I'm Irish, that man at the end of the bar has served time for murder and he's Irish, the bloke at the pool table is an Irish Bare Knuckle Boxing champion and the doorman's name is Paddy Malone, do you really want to tell an Irish joke in here?" "No" says the Englishman, "Not if I have to explain it four ******** times!"
 
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