Yep, we all know how this approach ends - a basement full of bodies, tuperware with neatly stored sex organs and a skin suit. Knock backs happen and you have to just get on with it.
Walk past her on the way to work. Wanna ask her out. Anyone done this, suggestions!?
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Yep, we all know how this approach ends - a basement full of bodies, tuperware with neatly stored sex organs and a skin suit. Knock backs happen and you have to just get on with it.
I agree, knock backs happen, what I don't agree with is that they are necessary.
Getting knock back happens, but you wont become confident and relaxed around women by having a huge catalogue of knock back in your arsenal you can call on. In fact I'd say it would dent any existing confidence in such situations.
I know it sounds like some self help book advice, but the reason you are relaxed and feel good around other is when you not thinking things about yourself. Like omg are they looking at my baggy clothes and weedy arms, or fat gut and balding head.
I know this from experience really, it might not require muscles or new clothes, but whatever the underlying problem is, it has to be fixed first before you try, and then you might not get knocked back.
If you can walk into any situation focused on the job ahead, without having half your brain worrying, it will show in your body language and conversation, smile etc.
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Experience is different for everyone though?
If you looked at my past 10+ years with women you'd probably be asking how I'm still standing, I've had some shockers, a good few bad runs, some serious nightmares, a stalker, a stabber... the list reads like the synopsis to a thriller.
Take even the worse scenarios and find something constructive and you'll be just fine i.e. surmising the weak and bad points in a relationship that make you feel more comfortable in the outcome be it your decision or theirs.
If anything the bad has made me more relentless, black and white and perhaps in (many) circumstances too confident.
The basic gist, if you're emo, goth or ugly, you're already on the back foot. Seeing as this is a computer forum I've probably just offended half its' inhabitants.
If you do crack it/her and discover an itch shortly after, don't be shy of visiting your local GP.
If you looked at my past 10+ years with women you'd probably be asking how I'm still standing, I've had some shockers, a good few bad runs, some serious nightmares, a stalker, a stabber... the list reads like the synopsis to a thriller.
Take even the worse scenarios and find something constructive and you'll be just fine i.e. surmising the weak and bad points in a relationship that make you feel more comfortable in the outcome be it your decision or theirs.
If anything the bad has made me more relentless, black and white and perhaps in (many) circumstances too confident.
The basic gist, if you're emo, goth or ugly, you're already on the back foot. Seeing as this is a computer forum I've probably just offended half its' inhabitants.
If you do crack it/her and discover an itch shortly after, don't be shy of visiting your local GP.
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Were not talking about the experiences of relationships though are we, that's a given for learning about relationships in general. I'm proposing that trying and failing is not a healthy way to learn how to handle flirting and talking situations.
Hmm, I started out over-confident as a teenager and that combined with good genes gave me a pretty good run, so I guess knock backs didn't impact me too much. Been married / with my wife before marriage for donkey's years now though so what do I know...
I still think he should have a crack at it. Don't know unless you try.
Soldato
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Have to get that question in straight away, some girls think nothing of leading someone on for free booze (getting nowhere after 1 drink = bye bye for me)!
You should never buy drink for a girl at a bar. I'm certainly no PUA but I have experimented with some of the ideas with a fair emount of success. Always act like you are the prize and they have to win you over, not the other way around.
he probbaly would tbh
Freudian slip, tbh.
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Yeah and actually being attracted to the guy helps.
I've had a couple of guys approach me but neither have remotely fitted the bill.
Depends entirely on the situation - if you are at a bar or club - you are going to think that its arrogance over confidence due to where you are.
If someone does the same - in the street, in a cafe in broad daylight - obviously you can assume that this is more genuine?
BB x
But then you're assuming the street transaction isn't alcohol fueled too?
What woman can resist the smell of a mature scotch and fags on your breath?
Soldato
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This depends how you frame it. If you're doing the same thing and getting the same results, then obviously there's something you're not doing right, which is when you should be proactive about learning ways to improve those skills, which requires a mixture of learning and actual social interaction. If you're already doing this, then you'll probably still get rejected but you'll be more understanding about what went wrong and how you can improve. Even if you're successful, you'll still get rejected, but you'll have learned that it's okay because you can't get every girl, you haven't being passive or invested loads of time and mental energy on an outcome that was never certain, so it's no big deal.
There's no way to avoid rejection completely, because attraction isn't a choice. Either they're into you or they aren't, and since women nearly always expect you to lead, it's you who has to play your cards first and see what happens. Guys that get emo about this tend to be the ones that either spend too much time not playing their cards with any particular girl or are delusional that women are the problem and it's nothing to do with them.
This is all true, but confidence comes from competence, and the only way to learn any skill is to do it. I could read how to ride a bike all day long, but it won't help me ride one unless I actually get on it, take my bumps and learn. Once I'm on the bike I can remember things like not to turn the handlebars too far round, when to change gear, or why it's a bad idea to squeeze the front brake hard. Things like body language are no different. Initially you learn to micro-manage, i.e. tell yourself not to slouch, or hold your glass clutched to your chest, but repeated action turns it into a habit and then you don't have to think about it, because you just do it. Same with eye contact, feeling comfortable being physical with women, dealing with ****-blockers e.t.c.
Anyway, I think this is getting blown out of proportion a bit!
Lol, you should probably stay away from those nutjobs then!
Soldato
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Within limits. You can be too aloof/too cool for school and end up missing out because of it, it's a fun balancing act in the initial stages. I'll buy a girl a drink if when she propositions me I tell her she has to buy me one first (you can make it fun and tell them she has to get you drink she thinks you'd like and vice versa). This usually divides the ones who go out with no money and just leech of dudes with the ones who are prepared to give you a chance, but mostly it's the former. It's amazing how many men buy women drinks thinking it automatically means they're in. I've had a few free drinks via female friends that way, lulz.
I agree I might have taken this a little of track but I would like to reply to you.
You say) but if you work out why things weren't going right in the first place (i.e start working on your insecurities, develop your outer self so that your inner self feels more confident) you would have had started riding that bike with your hands and feet fully gripped on and ready from the start.
In this way, you will learn quicker and easier, and you wont feel like you want to give up because riding this bike is so bloody difficult.
/crap analogy reply.
You say
which is a good point, and you back it up with an analogy about a bike (which I liked), but to answer in the same context, you could get on a bike and learn to ride, but in your senario the OP is getting on the bike without using his hands or feet. He might eventually work out how to ride this way by adapting as you suggest (in some bizaare torso balancing way
) but if you work out why things weren't going right in the first place (i.e start working on your insecurities, develop your outer self so that your inner self feels more confident) you would have had started riding that bike with your hands and feet fully gripped on and ready from the start.In this way, you will learn quicker and easier, and you wont feel like you want to give up because riding this bike is so bloody difficult.
/crap analogy reply.
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I've let gay guys buy me drinks in gay clubs, only to tell them afterwards that I'm straight. So it can work both ways.
Man of Honour
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I've let gay guys buy me drinks in gay clubs, only to tell them afterwards that I'm straight. So it can work both ways.
Did you give them a picture to take away with them though as a consolation prize?
Did you give them a picture to take away with them though as a consolation prize?
No, he hands them a peice of paper with a link to the "post a pciture of yourself" thread on this forum
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