1. Anyone who is not used to babies and is holding a baby, they will get spit up or peed on.
2. When searching for information on someone using the internet, the results will always be direct links to the actual news articles regarding that person, laid out as though the internet is just microfiche storage of the actual paper.
3. When it comes to food, ordering take-out Chinese is always the preferred dish. If we aren’t eating at home, an Italian restaurant is choice. Never shall we visit a steakhouse, Japanese Sushi Bar, or layman’s buffet.
4. All drivers, in all movies, were tried and tested on the NASCAR circuit. If you can’t whip around a turn at twice the rated speed with a power slide and perfect counter-steering – even in a lorry or on a motorcycle-- you will be dead by a head-on collision with a delivery truck in the next few minutes.
5. When opening a champagne bottle it will always be shaken up first, resulting in a flying cork and something getting broken.
6. Every apartment building must contain an adjacent couple that is constantly fighting with each other.
7. Earth-ending disasters only happens in Los Angeles, New York, London, or Washington D.C... Chicago and Detroit are where the scumbags come from.
8. Non-smokers always carry Zippo® lighters or a matchbook.
9. In any movie, the job of the professional can only be demonstrated once to show how good he is at his job before things start to get complicated.
10. Silencers always work, no matter how many rounds have been fired through them.
11. In a high-speed car chase the roads are always wet, even if the sky is clear.
12. You can never put a gun in someone’s face, or pull a shotgun behind their back, without it being cocked beforehand. The sound of cocking the gun is the sound that intimidates them into giving up.
13. Tires must squeal on gravel or dirt surfaces.
14. In any horror movie, the female lead must always trip while being chased by the bad guy. This has actually become so cliché that it must still be done in all parody movies, intentionally, without forgiveness.
15. All newly-introduced technology, no matter how cool looking it is, serves no real purpose.
16. All pictures and videos – no matter what technology they were captured on – can be “cleaned up” or “enhanced” at incredible resolution so you can clearly see the color of the bad guy’s eyes.
17. In any comedy, if something gets dropped off the balcony or shot through a window, there is always a cat to take the hit, “MeowRRR!”
18. Any movie that contains a scene that takes place in a courtroom, the judge must always use the line, “One more outburst and I’ll find you in contempt.”
19. If you put an iron poker into a fire it will always come out white-hot; a white-hot poker is much more threatening to the victim than if it was just the poker itself thrust into their eye.
20. Whenever someone is peering through binoculars, the image is widescreen and shaped like a figure-8, not just a circle like real binoculars.
21. The President of any nation, or the CEO or any major corporation, always wears a red tie to go with his blue suit and white shirt.
22. Alcoholics always drink Scotch. Neat.
23. When entering an area secured by lasers, the thief must always use acrobatics. A series of flips, weaves, somersaults, and cartwheels has to be used. Simply stepping over the lasers or ducking through them will result in catastrophe.
24. If you threaten to hunt someone down, you must also threaten to kill them. Although the definition of hunt is "to pursue and kill", the additional sentence must be used to keep the threat more convincing.
