Le relationship thread (keeping it short)

So we had a chat last night and while she didn't exactly further the conversation to a satisfactory conclusion, she did offer some veiled apology for her behaviour the previous night instead. I asked her outright if she cheated (led on by suggestions here) which prompted another mini rioted since I apparently called her a '****' by asking that.

After a few back and forths I got fed up with the stupid conversation and went for a drive. I also left my phone on silent. Forward 2 hours later back home and I had 56 missed calls, 25 text messages in ever increasing states of hysteria and apology and countless voice mails to boot.
She then cried and kept saying she doesn't want to lose me but a small part of her want freedom again. I didn't even bat an eyelid since I'm so used to women wanting their cake and eating it too. I went to sleep in the spare room and nonchalantly told her to let me know by tomorrow (today) which way it's going to go since I'd like to sort our finances.

Today I had 5 calls from her where she was chatting away as if nothing happened. I didn't ask either and simply just responded to her questions without showing much interest in the conversation as I simply had none. I'm home now and she'll be in around 7pm. Suppose I'll have to wait and see what happens.

Btw, some humorous conversations going on here. It's cheering me up :D
 
Indeed, well handled. Although nobodies perfect, she is in the wrong in this situation, she can't expect to have it both ways.

Women can't handle a good old ignoring and signs of uncaring, it's good that you played that.
 
Sounds like a good result, although asking if she cheated on you kinda suggests you felt a bit insecure though I don't think anyone couldn't be in that situation, she also will prob. hold that against you in future arguments no doubt >_>

shifty_uk said:
Indeed, well handled. Although nobodies perfect, she is in the wrong in this situation, she can't expect to have it both ways.

Women can't handle a good old ignoring and signs of uncaring, it's good that you played that.
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This. Crying into her shoulder saying you dont want to lose her will let her know that she can have you any time she wants.
 
Handled well? I'd disagree.

OP, sounds like your lady dealt you a massive blow. As you say, she can't have her cake and eat it but neither should you be giving the cold shoulder or acting nonchalant. You've been together 7 years, up to this point OK, right? Don't take the blame for everything by all means but I'd try and resolve things through honesty, some tough love if needed, and getting things out in the open. It's the only way to resolve things, storming off/dismissing things is most likely only going to put the final nail in the relationship.

Good luck
 
regulus said:
Btw, some humorous conversations going on here. It's cheering me up :D
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You can handle Anything with a little laugh thrown in. :cool:

Sounds like you played it well, The test will be if you get her to do that weird thing you have always wanted to do to her, Take advantage now before she goes Mental again. :D
 
regulus said:
So we had a chat last night and while she didn't exactly further the conversation to a satisfactory conclusion, she did offer some veiled apology for her behaviour the previous night instead. I asked her outright if she cheated (led on by suggestions here) which prompted another mini rioted since I apparently called her a '****' by asking that.

After a few back and forths I got fed up with the stupid conversation and went for a drive. I also left my phone on silent. Forward 2 hours later back home and I had 56 missed calls, 25 text messages in ever increasing states of hysteria and apology and countless voice mails to boot.
She then cried and kept saying she doesn't want to lose me but a small part of her want freedom again. I didn't even bat an eyelid since I'm so used to women wanting their cake and eating it too. I went to sleep in the spare room and nonchalantly told her to let me know by tomorrow (today) which way it's going to go since I'd like to sort our finances.

Today I had 5 calls from her where she was chatting away as if nothing happened. I didn't ask either and simply just responded to her questions without showing much interest in the conversation as I simply had none. I'm home now and she'll be in around 7pm. Suppose I'll have to wait and see what happens.

Btw, some humorous conversations going on here. It's cheering me up :D
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I am glad you are getting some headroom now....(pardon the pun).

I think that a long talk and maybe setting some joint targets as to where you want the relationship to go. I would also suggest doing things together, I feel that maybe you are not currently spending quality time together.

Anyway good luck and hope it all works out.


I would however begin to sort out your finances so that if it goes up in smoke you have a contingency fund so to speak. I have a separate bank account for example that has enough cash to set myself up again if necessary (I have had it since my first breakup in my twenties when I got burned). It is called my ****-*** money. (I expect my wife knows I have it, but doesn't care.)
 
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You realise that the only way that she will be happy in your relationship again is if SHE decides that she has something great, if she doesn't figure it out for herself then no matter what you do, even if she does stay with you will it be a good relationship....

Personally in this situation you need to give her space, if she does anything with anyone else or more likely in time start to remember what you two have is better than just going out with a girl friend who is just going to get with as many guys as she can (from the sounds of it) you can then decide on what happens..

Also glad to hear your getting somewhere now.. and that your getting cheered up, you can get yourself into a a right head**** over women and that is never a good place to be
 
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Am I the only one cringing? EDIT: Evidently not, but I am in the minority! Several replies whilst I typed out mine!

Maybe I've missed something here, but did you seriously play that hard ball with her? One "mistake" and now you are throwing ultimatums at her?!

That's the exact kind of behaviour that everyone is criticising her for.

Christ man, she is your girlfriend, someone you live with, share (financial and other) responsibility with. She is not some appliance you just throw out when faulty.

I hope for the both of you, that you both apologise tonight and have some time together, alone. Perhaps a nice meal, or other occasion you can both get tarted up for and appreciate each other's company. Let her know that there is still plenty of excitement between you both.

And for the love of god, do not start making demands (ending with "or else"). That is guaranteed to end your relationship.
 
Ant84 said:
Sounds like you handled the situation pretty
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Indeed... Good job.... SO FAR!

Now just don't back down. If she decides her 'freedom' is more important than you then she's not worth it anyway.

And what is it with women and their 'freedom' anyway??? Christ it's not like we keep them locked up in cupboards... Well not all of us anyway ;)

It's not 'freedom' she wants, it's one of two thngs:-

1. She's being dumb and is too immature to realise that the grass is very rarely greener on the other side.

or...

2. She genuinely is longing for variations in love sausage.


My guess is it's the former... But the truth of the matter is, you should kick her to the kurb right now. Mark my words she will come crawling back if you're strong enough to do it swiftly and coldly. but if I were you, I wouldn't talk to her again and move on. In six months time you will be able to see the look on her face when she sees you with your next girlfriend. etc..


EDIT: I've just read Dj_Jesters post... Very sound logic there my friend. Perhaps I am too callous? However I've always felt if A woman isn't totally commited then she isn't the one. Set her free to do as she pleases and find one that is right. If you don't you're only prologing the inevitable. Just my opinion of course.
 
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DJ jester is partially right.. the more ultimatums you make and giving her a deadline is going to push her away... women usually have so many thoughts going around their head.. time is a great healer
 
regulus said:
So we had a chat last night and while she didn't exactly further the conversation to a satisfactory conclusion, she did offer some veiled apology for her behaviour the previous night instead. I asked her outright if she cheated (led on by suggestions here) which prompted another mini rioted since I apparently called her a '****' by asking that.

After a few back and forths I got fed up with the stupid conversation and went for a drive. I also left my phone on silent. Forward 2 hours later back home and I had 56 missed calls, 25 text messages in ever increasing states of hysteria and apology and countless voice mails to boot.
She then cried and kept saying she doesn't want to lose me but a small part of her want freedom again. I didn't even bat an eyelid since I'm so used to women wanting their cake and eating it too. I went to sleep in the spare room and nonchalantly told her to let me know by tomorrow (today) which way it's going to go since I'd like to sort our finances.

Today I had 5 calls from her where she was chatting away as if nothing happened. I didn't ask either and simply just responded to her questions without showing much interest in the conversation as I simply had none. I'm home now and she'll be in around 7pm. Suppose I'll have to wait and see what happens.

Btw, some humorous conversations going on here. It's cheering me up :D
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Done the right thing lad. Women are all that more attracted to you when you refuse to take their ****. Make her know that you're the prize that she's lucky to have, and won't have if she doesn't buck up her ideas. She'll start to pity her friend and you'll be all the better for it. :)

With regards to the freedom, did you not let her go out and act single without a word really? There can only really be one thing shes talking about. She went on the defensive because she knows its true.
 
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Destroyer^ said:
DJ jester is partially right.. the more ultimatums you make and giving her a deadline is going to push her away... women usually have so many thoughts going around their head.. time is a great healer
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DJ Jester does have a point and I played through the conversation a few times now, each time wishing I said something different, or added something extra. It's all moot now.

The thing that irks me is this. She has ALL the freedom in the world to do what she wants. All I ask is that she doesn't sleep around, kiss around, and let me know whenever she's home safe from a night out. That's it. I can only guess that the 'freedom' she wants has something to do with other guys. She has every other freedom already.
 
Don't "wait and see what happens", like a deflated balloon. I bet she wants to see that guy she was so hot for 7 years ago :D so when she gets home, get straight at her! Carry her upstairs, or whatever you two do! Talk later.
 
regulus said:
DJ Jester does have a point and I played through the conversation a few times now, each time wishing I said something different, or added something extra. It's all moot now.

The thing that irks me is this. She has ALL the freedom in the world to do what she wants. All I ask is that she doesn't sleep around, kiss around, and let me know whenever she's home safe from a night out. That's it. I can only guess that the 'freedom' she wants has something to do with other guys. She has every other freedom already.
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Too much freedom to do what she wants, to a woman equals "You don't care about me" so be careful there.

Never stop he doing what she want, however just moan a bit on occasion that you never see her or that you should go with her more often and stuff.

Remember always give in on the little things, but be stubborn on the big things and you can't go wrong.

or if that doesn't work, revert to my old motto:

"Why Love One, When You Can Love Them All"
 
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