Stuck at home with mum

[TW]Sponge · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:47

Hi guys, My mum is in reasonable debt due to bringing up 3 kids on her own. She was scraping by ok with the 3 of us at home, now I'm the only one left it's getting hard. It's gotten to the stage where the council tax has to come out of my account each month because she hasn't got the money in hers to pay it. She is so overdrawn that most of her wages each week goes on charges. She took out a loan for the overdraft, then struggled to pay that, and now she is paying interest on that aswell. I only earn £1000pm and have around £400 a month to myself after giving her £300 a month plus all of my outgoings.

So yeah I think I'm going to be living here forever as their is no way she can afford to live on her own without my money coming in. I'm getting to the stage now where I'm kinda blaming her for me still being here and not being able to live my own life. I'm 22 in May and I want to be able to think about moving out but there is no way I can do that to my mother.

Anybody else been in a similar position? (sorry about the depressing thread just need some ideas, really getting me down now)

Judgeneo · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:49

Get her to downsize

Adz · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:49

Can't she downsize the property or get a lodger?

I know she's your mum and you love her but I'm sure she wouldn't want to hold you back.

ganesh · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:50

She needs to sell up and buy somewhere smaller, you can't rely on your children like that, it's just not fair.

doiks14 · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:51

Ever considered declaring bankruptcy?

Beerbaron · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:51

living on your own is more than likely going to be more expensive than living with your mum so personally i would wait until you earn more money and have some savings.

[TW]Sponge · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:51

Adz said:
Can't she downsize the property or get a lodger?

I know she's your mum and you love her but I'm sure she wouldn't want to hold you back.

Is possible to downsize, but according to the council we have to replace every door in the house due to us replacing all of them when we moved in 18 years ago, adding to over £1000.

[TW]Sponge · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:52

Beerbaron said:
living on your own is more than likely going to be more expensive than living with your mum so personally i would wait until you earn more money and have some savings.

Yes I know that, I could afford to live on my own no problem, It's just my mum cannot

Judgeneo · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:53

sponge999 said:
Is possible to downsize, but according to the council we have to replace every door in the house due to us replacing all of them when we moved in 18 years ago, adding to over £1000.

surely though the money she will have saved by moving out of a house big enough for her and three children, into a 1-2bedroom place will cover that aswell as make a big dent in the debt? Or are you currently renting?

[TW]Sponge · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:54

Judgeneo said:
surely though the money she will have saved by moving out of a house big enough for her and three children, into a 1-2bedroom place will cover that aswell as make a big dent in the debt? Or are you currently renting?

Renting matey

Brian8bit · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:55

Renting? Then it's time to look for somewhere smaller with lower rental costs.

Jambo · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:55

Tell her to get a boyfriend.

Rroff · 23 Feb 2011 at 19:56

I suggest she looks at renegotiating the terms of repayment to something that gives her a little more breathing space - I'm sure the bank would prefer that to her declaring bankrupt...

[TW]Sponge · 23 Feb 2011 at 20:00

Rroff said:
I suggest she looks at renegotiating the terms of repayment to something that gives her a little more breathing space - I'm sure the bank would prefer that to her declaring bankrupt...

Yeh we have been through all that. Several loans and what not. I keep trying to talk to her about everything but she just gets angry and tells me to move out, but I can't leave her like that, It's just not in my nature.

loopylou · 23 Feb 2011 at 20:00

sponge999 said:
Is possible to downsize, but according to the council we have to replace every door in the house due to us replacing all of them when we moved in 18 years ago, adding to over £1000.

Ummmmm, I would go back and double check that with them. The tenancy that you should get with a council will allow you to treat the house as your own, therefore it is reasonable that you may want to change the doors.

Unless they are poor quality or in a bad state of disrepair. Even if that is the case, you should be able to get them repaired through the council and raise a recharge account which will allow you to make the payments over an agreed period.

The councils should not be seen to push you further into debt by, in effect, forcing you to spend more money before you can move and reduce your out goings.

Either way, it can take a while to get through the waiting list so put your transfer request in.

Lakeland · 23 Feb 2011 at 20:00

It's a no brainer if there is no mortgage, get a flat just big enough to live in while debts are paid off, then get something a bit more lavish but within budget afterwards

[TW]Sponge · 23 Feb 2011 at 20:04

Lakeland said:
It's a no brainer if there is no mortgage, get a flat just big enough to live in while debts are paid off, then get something a bit more lavish but within budget afterwards

The same thing I said to my mum not so long ago. She won't listen and she gets upset whenever I mention anything to do with money. As for bankruptcy she did that a few years ago when she was with my dad.

hux · 23 Feb 2011 at 20:06

Have a word with the cab.

"andy" · 23 Feb 2011 at 20:09

you cant just not talk about it because she gets upset

yes its upsetting but it needs to be done before it get worse !

Scam · 23 Feb 2011 at 20:12

To be honest if she's alerady declared bankruptcy once and is in a shed load of debt again, I'd pack my bags. It's not your life to ruin, move on. She'll soon sort things out when she's forced to.