Stuck at home with mum

I think your mother needs to face the music.
If one of the things that will help her situation is to down size then she will have to down size or go under.
Don't give her the opportunity to dig her heels in about not moving.
I've had first hand experience with my gran on this.
She didn't want to move out of the family farmhouse (They built it when they moved up from the south in the 40's but both became too old to manage a generous 5 bedroom house)
My Granddad, my uncle, my mother and I had to physically drag her out on moving day. Screaming kicking and other totally irrational behaviour.
2 days moved into the farm bungalow (which is less than 200 yds from the farmhouse by the way) and it was if everything was as normal as it ever was.

I think you need to be cruel to be kind in some way too. It's the only way she'll sit up and take note.
Move out, lodge or rent wherever, it's hard but it'll be better for you BOTH in the long run.
 
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Scubascorpion said:
I think your mother needs to face the music.
If one of the things that will help her situation is to down size then she will have to down size or go under.
Don't give her the opportunity to dig her heels in about not moving.
I've had first hand experience with my gran on this.
She didn't want to move out of the family farmhouse (They built it when they moved up from the south in the 40's but both became too old to manage a generous 5 bedroom house)
My Granddad, my uncle, my mother and I had to physically drag her out on moving day. Screaming kicking and other totally irrational behaviour.
2 days moved into the farm bungalow (which is less than 200 yds from the farmhouse by the way) and it was if everything was as normal as it ever was.

I think you need to be cruel to be kind in some way too. It's the only way she'll sit up and take note.
Move out, lodge or rent wherever, it's hard but it'll be better for you BOTH in the long run.
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Thanks for the advice mate, I think that's exactly what I'm going to have to do. The house we are in now is 3 bedroom, in the middle of Hereford in a perfect location, we have lived here for over 18 years now, and she won't budge. Thing is though, I know she won't do it by choice, so I'm going to have to take it into my own hands and sort something out for a new place. She will hate me for doing it and going behind her back and we will never speak again.
 
Once she can see the wood from the trees so to speak she'll realise it was "for the best" as they say.
Either that or she'll cut her nose off to spite her face and lose a son altogether..
Somehow I doubt it's the latter, but women do the weirdest things sometimes :D
 
sponge999 said:
Siblings - Nope
Dad - Nope, stopped payments when I turned 18
Better Job - Easier said than done mate
Downsize house - Have mentioned that to her, she doesn't want to move and the cost of moving is just too much
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Whats does she currently do, she must be getting reasonable pay to afford the house. How about renting rooms out, im presuming your are in a house that has more than 2 bedrooms judging by all the downsize comments
 
Guest2 said:
Whats does she currently do, she must be getting reasonable pay to afford the house. How about renting rooms out, im presuming your are in a house that has more than 2 bedrooms judging by all the downsize comments
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She only earns about £100pm more than me, hence not really being able to afford the house. Yeah we have 3 bedrooms but my mum will never have strangers in the house. I have mentioned that idea to her before but she's having none of it.
 
Is a 3 bed council house so unaffordable? With £2,100 a month coming in there really should be no trouble at all.

If old debts are the problem take advice from cab, there are debt counselling services which can do a lot of good (and plenty of ambulance chasing sharks).
 
K.C. Leblanc said:
Have you done the figures, you say you're paying her £300 in rent. A basic flat will be nearer £400.

But then you need to add on the following;

Council tax, £65
Electric £20
Gas: £20
Water: £25
TV Licence: £10
Phones & Broadband: £20

You will also have startup costs as well. Agent's/solicitors fees, deposit, not to mention all the basic kit.

I'm not saying it's impossible, but it's not easy. The above are a rough reflection on my own finances. I'm now looking into lodging to save some money.
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you forgot to add food, there goes 150-200 quid per month more, the guy cannot afford to live alone at all, not nowadays, maybe 6 or 7 years ago on that wage but not now, and a 400 per month flat wouldnt be very pleasant to live in at all

need to stay at home and take control of things, sort your mum out, she wiped your backside for years and brought you up, payback time, and you need to have a word with your siblings also, its not only your responsibility, its theirs also, she needs help
 
Im in a £325 a month flat that inclluded all bills except gas and tv. Move out and into a house/flat with mates

I thought he doesnt have any siblings?
 
Look for a place that will be affordable and not too much of an uprooting for your mum (you don't have to tell her your doing this) and then put everything in place so its just a matter of moving yours and hers things and then hit her with it. If she won't budge put it to her that you have found the solution and she won't take it, then tell her (well, do abit of bluffing here) that your going to go anyway if she doesn't as she obviously doesn't want to sort things.
She might just listen to you then, oh and if your siblings can't help with money get them to help in other ways like convincing your mum to move.:)
I can see how hard this would be when your mum has looked after you all your life and I don't know if I'd be able to do it but your gonna have to do something or it'll get to the point where your both on the street. Then you'll lose your job because you have nowhere to live etc.
 
finga said:
you forgot to add food, there goes 150-200 quid per month more, the guy cannot afford to live alone at all, not nowadays, maybe 6 or 7 years ago on that wage but not now, and a 400 per month flat wouldnt be very pleasant to live in at all
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I assumed he was paying for his own food already. However there's no way one person needs to spend that much on food.
 
DiamondMark said:
You only get one mum, help the woman out, you got years to live on your own, and dont think you will be doing that very well on a grand a month.
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This. I am not saying "roll over and take it", but rather to consider that you need to be by her side by the sounds of things, as you may be one of the only things pulling her together at the moment.

Have you attempted to draw up a monthly budget at all? Can you tell where you [both] are financially at the moment, and where you have to be in order to escape from this situation?

Sometimes the only way is to write it down, make a plan, nail it to the wall, and STICK TO IT.
 
K.C. Leblanc said:
I assumed he was paying for his own food already. However there's no way one person needs to spend that much on food.
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i based it on 2 adults spending 70-80 per week on a shop, which doesnt only include food, but other items such as washing stuff and toiletries etc, half that and yes it does cost that much per month, you just maybe dont realise it
 
i couldnt live alone on £1200 a month. it just wasnt enough.


Guest2 said:
My thoughts exactly. 2k a month will easily pay rent and everything else on a 3 bed house
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yes, unfortunately that doesnt mean 1 bed places are a lot cheaper. £2k is doable if you want to live in a flat with your GF for the rest of your life, at least round these parts.
 
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