To those with teenagers...

Martini1991 said:
Such bad parenting....
Don't give them the freedom they need, when it comes to the time they get freedom, they'll go off the rails.
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If there perfect kids to start with can see where your coming from, if not...?, wonder how many of the comments from people with 'let do them as they please' come from parents with teenagers (14+)
 
Interesting thread!

I think the OP was harsh with his daughter for going off and punishing her for "not watching the film with them". I think it's a ridiculous excuse of a punishment.

If it was a honest punishment such as; you can't keep to your word about spending family time and all you ever do is waste time on net/phone/msn/FB/etc then the punishment is seemingly fair.

Depends how it was delivered to the teenager. My suspicion is nearer the first but probably somewhere in between the two.

Do what you think is right as a parent, that's all you can do - oh, and don't listen to any advice from people here. Chances are the majority don't have experience in parenting teenagers, only being one. (Myself included).

If it were me so far, I'd wait a bit then talk with my daughter about the concerns I have about her being online 24/7. Try and establish some ground rules that are fair and go from there.

I used to get moaned at all the time from being young and interested in computers/consoles/net etc. Parents used to moan I never spent time with them, yet all they did was sit downstairs watching Eastenders, Coronation St., etc, etc. At least I'd be engaging my brain, talking with people online, etc. It used to drive me mad when they'd say things like that.

Although if I said I'd watch a film with them or go out as a family, I would keep to my word.
 
The biggest slap in the face, for a teenager, is when they're getting disciplined from their mothers partner (Speaking from experience, and I resented her for letting him do it.. He took away the stuff I'd bought, with my own money).
Assuming, it's your normal situation.
 
I remember being a kid and mobiles where only just getting popular and affordable, you see kids now walking along head looking at a phone, not even talking, really is taking away a lot of simple social interactions with teenagers. Even worst when you see younger kids with them.

We had to go and knock for mates, to get them out for football etc., none of this text messaging rubbish and nobody ever used a telephone. I dont see why anybody under the age of 16 needs a mobile phone.
 
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Stop trying to use the same parenting your parents used on you, and stop trying to make your children into little versions of you, because 1) we live in a very different world than when you were a child and 2) you should let them grow up to be who they are, at 15 years old the clay has already set.

Unless all this stuff is conflicting with school and as long as she has real life friends / meeting with friends as well then I say let her do as she wants
 
There is nothing worse than being in a room with someone who's mobile is going off ever 5.2 seconds. I'm 22 and see how annoying that is. Facebook/msn/whatever = don't worry. But I wouldn't be forcing her to do anything, other than be respectful when it comes to family time and the mobile phone.
 
Martini1991 said:
The biggest slap in the face, for a teenager, is when they're getting disciplined from their mothers partner (Speaking from experience, and I resented her for letting him do it.. He took away the stuff I'd bought, with my own money).
Assuming, it's your normal situation.
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That's a big no no in my book. Only in extreme circumstances, such as a genuine fear of harm or addiction, etc. would warrant that.

OP, I think you may do well with explaining to your daughter why you're concerned about social networking, etc. She's probably still too young to understand the damages and in reality, pointlessness of the website but don't make the mistake of thinking you always know best even if you do. Teenagers resent that.

It would be wise also to remember that it is much harder these days for teenagers et al. to socialise outside like anyone pre-90s did when they were younger. Even as a teenager myself, despite wanting to do something as simple as kick-around in the park, it was nigh on impossible to motivate your friends to do so given the logistics involved or the fact they had the latest game's console or an addiction to an MMOG or FPS online. In my eyes, Facebook is simply the latest shift in socialising for younger generations. Their friends are all doing it during their formative years, so there's a huge pressure for them to do the same, whereas we as adults can see the website for what it really should be: a tool to remain in contact. Not a tool to socialise through. There is nothing more irritating than sitting down a pub these days and having friends message eachother via their phones in facebook whilst they're sat in the same room, or even if they discuss the website. Likewise, wherever you go now you see bands of idiots taking photographs at every opportunity with the sole intention of posting them on Facebook to appear more social and happy than everyone else.

When I was 17, MySpace was fashionable. I eventually saw it for what it was: a breeding ground for social anxiety. Anyone born pre-80s probably (I can't say with authority though, as it may simply have manifested itself elsewhere) probably isn't fully aware of the social anxiety that social networking can cause a youngster; it constantly makes them feel second-best and in competition. For this reason alone, I think the OP is right to take action. However, you must remember a teenager is still a teenager and won't adopt a more mature perspective until they're ready to do so. Indeed, many 'adults' are just like these teenagers, except they have the freedom to not be pestered, nor would I even go as far as to suggest they know any better. Maturity can come at any age and it's only when the individual realises that Facebook isn't really worth worrying about to the point of obsession. By all means, keep contact, but don't treat it like a compulisve disorder.
 
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Athanor said:
Anyone over 30 probably watches TV facing it, giving their favourite programs their undivided attention in a ritual at particular times of the week.
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I don't fit your stereotype.
I'm 53 watching Wonders of The Earth with a guitar strapped round my neck while replying to your post.
I'm the type of person who can easily 'watch' a 50p DVD bought off the bloke down the pub.
 
It's the OP's step daughter, she has no reason to really pay attention if she chooses and may resent him for trying to be a father figure. Forgetting the "She's a child crap" for a moment.

He hasn't got any say in the matter, it's down to the Mother.
My mam's ex (When I'd grown up a little) tried telling me what to do, I told him to "Discipline his own children".
 
cheets64 said:
I remember being a kid and mobiles where only just getting popular and affordable, you see kids now walking along head looking at a phone, not even talking, really is taking away a lot of simple social interactions with teenagers. Even worst when you see younger kids with them.

We had to go and knock for mates, to get them out for football etc., none of this text messaging rubbish and nobody ever used a telephone. I dont see why anybody under the age of 16 needs a mobile phone.
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Why walk to someone house before knowing if they can come out or not? :confused:

Plus kid's are much safer with phones, it means as a parent you can contact them if they're out.
 
Martini1991 said:
It's the OP's step daughter, she has no reason to really pay attention if she chooses and may resent him for trying to be a father figure. Forgetting the "She's a child crap" for a moment.

He hasn't got any say in the matter, it's down to the Mother.
My mam's ex (When I'd grown up a little) tried telling me what to do, I told him to "Discipline his own children".
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1) You have no idea how long he has been her step Dad and if he's helped to bring her up for most of her life
2) You have no idea how much money he spends on her every week
3) You have no idea if her biological Dad is still around and if he is the only Dad she has ever known
4) You have no idea if it's his house and he invited them all to live with him therefore footing all the bills.
 
dmpoole said:
1) You have no idea how long he has been her step Dad and if he's helped to bring her up for most of her life
2) You have no idea how much money he spends on her every week
3) You have no idea if her biological Dad is still around and if he is the only Dad she has ever known
4) You have no idea if it's his house and he invited them all to live with him therefore footing all the bills.
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1.) Neither do you.
2.) Neither do you.
3.) Neither do you.
4.) Neither do you.

I'm only going to say what I've experienced, I'm not saying this is the situation in hand.
 
Martini1991 said:
It's the OP's step daughter, she has no reason to really pay attention if she chooses and may resent him for trying to be a father figure. Forgetting the "She's a child crap" for a moment.

He hasn't got any say in the matter, it's down to the Mother.
My mam's ex (When I'd grown up a little) tried telling me what to do, I told him to "Discipline his own children".
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And I bet you were a joy to be around as a child :D

In all seriousness I expect my son to treat my wife with the same respect that he would me and his mum. If he wants to live with us he will. If he doesn't like it he can always move in with his mum, and trust me no sane 15 year old boy wants to move to the middle of no where in Wales.
 
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