kids, exes, the law

badcompany · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:14

Well heres the thing Me and ex split up in 2004 and our son is 8 soon he has been with mum and has stayed with me sat/sun every week then is was fri/sat/sun and for the last 18 months its been w/t/f/s/s and I have took to/from school etc and the last 6 months I changed his school so its nearer to mine and he has stayed every night apart about 4-5. I take him to all his doctors/dentist he has joined judo and football club since living with me.

SO in my mind he has been living with me for 18mnths ? Agree?

Well ex has moved to a different village not far but far enough he would need to change school I have said no its not fair to upset his routine as she wants him back fulltime as she thinks I have only had him for 6 months.

Been to see the solictor I have a good case and have had to punt £1500 up front to get ball rolling now I have rang ex tonight told her I have been to solicitor and she went mental !! now i have calmed her down down and she has agreed to let him stay here and not change schools trouble is I don't trust her I have told her she can keep her 'tax credits' as she was worried about losing those.

Do I go through with solicitor and stitch her up for claiming tax credits she is not entitled for and put up with loads of grief for me and my son getting caught in the middle or just back off and see what happens.

Sorry for random thread but need to get it off my chest to somebody not involved.

.Lethal · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:19

Thing is I wouldn't want to give advice on such a personal subject.

I can only say in my own opinion and personal experiences I would stick with the Solicitor as ex's simply cannot be trusted in these circumstances, at least if you have had reason to go this far.

Tute · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:22

Even if she agrees to let him stay with you, you're going to need something legally binding otherwise she's free to stir up a storm at a moment's notice.

Getting a solicitor involved was a good idea, let him/her sort this out for you.

cm1179 · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:23

badcompany said:
trouble is I don't trust her I have told her she can keep her 'tax credits' as she was worried about losing those.

Do I go through with solicitor and stitch her up for claiming tax credits she is not entitled for and put up with loads of grief for me and my son getting caught in the middle or just back off and see what happens.

tough one
you should really notify the relevant people as she is breaking the law. or you could turn a blind eye, however if she wanted to be funny about it, she could say that you knew all along, getting you into trouble as well.
you could say you will keep quiet about it aslong as all the tax credits come to you and are spent on your son.
don't know what i'd do tbh i wouldn't want money to be taken away from my child but if they're not getting it, i wouldn't want someone who isn't entitled to it to get it either.
your best bet is to notify the benefits people and see if you can get the credits yourself, legally.

Maximum Triceratops · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:24

Do what ever is best for your son.

I_M_Weasel · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:24

Well if you don't trust her the only thing you can do to be safe is go for residency, then the choices are yours.

I would have thought this would upset her tax credits though buts thats not really your problem. Do whats best for your son. (I'd not seen Maximum Triceratops comment when I posted that)

DB_SamX · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:25

What's your son's opinion?

Destination · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:27

Binding agreement is what you need to consolidate your 'good case'.
Get it in writing and verified.

Terrier_Jimlad · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:29

Stop her tax credits, claim what you can, and if you dont really need the money, give it to your son for pocket money or stick it in a bank account for him etc. Will go in your favour if it goes to court too

badcompany · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:45

DB_SamX said:
What's your son's opinion?

when he was with her he would often ring me to go get him and never wanted to be there but as she is getting a new house I think there is a novelty factor and she has promised him an Xbox for his room and I understand she is getting a puppy too. She had the cheek to make out I was trying to black mail him!

All I want is whats best for him and believe me she is not she drinks heavy and often and takes coke on a regular basis.

Cleeecooo · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:52

badcompany said:
when he was with her he would often ring me to go get him and never wanted to be there but as she is getting a new house I think there is a novelty factor and she has promised him an Xbox for his room and I understand she is getting a puppy too. She had the cheek to make out I was trying to black mail him!

All I want is whats best for him and believe me she is not she drinks heavy and often and takes coke on a regular basis.

Proof? If you have some take her down!
If this is true then it would be terrible for ur son to stay with her-dont take that chance.
Match her offer of an xbox in his room. Just be careful not to spoil him and **** his future up. Eg, make sure he gets the grades

To sum up, kids r stupId and like shiny things. You have to fight shiny with shiny!

Fuzz · 29 Mar 2011 at 22:58

The simple answer is..

Who does your son want to live with?

That's all there is to it in my book, it should be about what HE wants not what you or your ex wants.

Windle · 29 Mar 2011 at 23:38

As I told my mate when he split up with his missus and the kid was involved, get it sorted legally. He thought it was all going to be fine and amicable. 2 months later she went nuts and he hardly gets to see his kid, she moved 70 miles away and took him with her.

Get it all legally sorted so you have some sort of fallback for the future.

Nix · 30 Mar 2011 at 00:32

badcompany said:
All I want is whats best for him and believe me she is not she drinks heavy and often and takes coke on a regular basis.

If that's true, then why are you even allowing her to dictate terms?

She shouldn't be raising a kid if she hasn't fully grown-up herself. If you've got proof/can prove this, then mention it to your solicitor. If she decides to play nasty, you can too.

Dave85 · 30 Mar 2011 at 00:38

Stick to the legal side don't deal with her off the books it will only come back to bite you.

awaybreaktoday · 30 Mar 2011 at 00:44

Fight for your sons future, being with his mothersounds like the biggest mistake. do what you can and make sure it goes to court and grass her up about tax credits. YOUR SONS FUTURE IS WHAT COUNTS......

Vonhelmet · 30 Mar 2011 at 01:03

Maximum Triceratops said:
Do what ever is best for your son.

The Triceratops speaks the truth.

4T5 · 30 Mar 2011 at 07:18

I have issues with Any Mother who gives up her kid, I also have issues with Mothers that do Drugs.
I think it would be best in the long run to seek legal help to get a residency order, Obviously in the short term this will cause some chaos & upset your Son & you'll also be responsible from keeping him from his Mum.
I think you're in one of the toughest positions possible where you'll try to do the best by your Son but he won't Thank you for it.
I really feel for you Dude but can't really help only wish you Good Luck.

BennyC · 30 Mar 2011 at 07:39

Do what is best for you son.

In the case she wasn't abusing alcohol and drugs I'd say do whatever doesn't distrupt the relationship you have as a family.

My mother and father stayed on amicable terms for the sake of me and my brother when she could have quite easily given him much less acess to us.

Tell her to clean her act up for the sake of her son.

jas72 · 30 Mar 2011 at 08:46

Maximum Triceratops said:
Do what ever is best for your son.

I would agree with this don't get into a nasty battle if you can avoid it.

There would be no winners apart from the lawyers.

however I also think that your arrangement is quite loose and I would suggest to your ex that you have something more concrete "written" regarding the arrangements even if it's only for 1 or 2 years.