Monday morning joke

[Vonhelmet]

May as well start the suffering early... Here's one from my 4 year old.

Why did the whale cross the sea?
To get to the other tide.

 

[OzyOly]

May as well start the suffering early... Here's one from my 4 year old.

Why did the whale cross the sea?
To get to the other tide.

From a 4 year old, that's pretty cute.

 

[blueacid]

May as well start the suffering early... Here's one from my 4 year old.

Why did the whale cross the sea?
To get to the other tide.

*groans*

 

[Schizo]

just got home from the world blindfold fapping championships....

.....no idea where i came ?

 

[alexakasloth]

just got home from the world blindfold fapping championships....

.....no idea where i came ?

hahaha

 

[Schizo]

what do you do if you see your ex,running around in your front yard covered in blood ?

Stay calm,reload and try again !

 

[Cosimo]

So it's nursery time.

What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don't look, I'm changing.

 

[Cleeecooo]

So it's nursery time.

What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don't look, I'm changing.

I swear to god thes are the crappy jokes on penguine bars.

 

[OzyOly]

I swear to god thes are the crappy jokes on penguine bars.

Nah, they are slightly better than penguins. Probably ASDA Smart Price christmas crackers.

 

[Schizo]

geography of a women.

between 18 and 22 a women is like Africa,half discovered,naturally beautiful with fertile delta's.

between 23 and 30 a women is like America,well developed and open to trade,especially for high financed investors.

between 31 and 45 a women is like India,very hot,relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

between 46 and 55 a women is like France,gently ageing but sensual,with a appreciation for the finer things.

between 56 and 60 she is like Yugoslavia,lost the war,haunted by past mistakes and in need of massive reconstruction.

from 61 on a women is like Afghanistan,everyone knows where it is but no one wants to go there.

 

[chrisxuk]

What happened to the magic tractor?

It drove along a road and turned into a field.

 

[Schizo]

when David Beckham scores i drink becks

when Paul scholes scores i drink skol

when Kenny miller scores i drink miller.

thank god David seamen was a goalie

 

[OzyOly]

geography of a women.

between 18 and 22 a women is like Africa,half discovered,naturally beautiful with fertile delta's.

between 23 and 30 a women is like America,well developed and open to trade,especially for high financed investors.

between 31 and 45 a women is like India,very hot,relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

between 46 and 55 a women is like France,gently ageing but sensual,with a appreciation for the finer things.

between 56 and 60 she is like Yugoslavia,lost the war,haunted by past mistakes and in need of massive reconstruction.

from 61 on a women is like Afghanistan,everyone knows where it is but no one wants to go there.

 

[Steveh_monkey]

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?" said my late wife.

 

[lttlejoe]

My girlfriend is being stalked!.....well she's not really my girlfriend ...
...YET

 

[PureAppleJuice]

This a hilarious* joke my girlfriend came up with.

What did the chicken say to her egg?
Nothing, she just cracked a smile.

*I use the term 'hilarious' very loosely.

I don't think I even get the joke. Is it a joke?

 

[Craig1981]

Barely. But if you dont wanna end up sleeping on the couch, pretend shes funny.

 

[Devrij]

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?" said my late wife.

That's actually a good one, I totally lol'd

 

[Billy1280]

when David Beckham scores i drink becks

when Paul scholes scores i drink skol

when Kenny miller scores i drink miller.

thank god David seamen was a goalie

This one amused me

 

[franco_22]

Barely. But if you dont wanna end up sleeping on the couch, pretend shes funny.

haha that's what I do