Monday morning joke

‎3 Men wake up on an island and get captured by a group of cannibals. The cannibal king says to the 3 men "we will let you live if you complete two tasks, the first task is to go into the forest and get 10 pieces of the same fruit and bring... Them back here for the 2nd task" and so the three men set off.
The first man comes back with 10 apples and the cannibal king says "you now have to put each apple up your ass without any expression.
The first man puts the first one in and goes to put the second in and screams out in pain and so they kill and eat him.
The second man comes back with 10 grapes, the king explains what he must do and so in goes the first, second, third...as he goes to put the last one in he bursts out laughing and so he is killed.
The first and second man meet in heaven and the first man says "why did you laugh you could have been saved!" to which the second man replies "i saw Dave coming with pineapples!"

:D
 
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Two guys are playing golf. The women in front of them are really taking their time and are slowing the men up.

So one man says to his friend, "I'm going to go ask those ladies if we can play through."

He starts walking, but about halfway there he turns around. When he gets back his friend asked him what happened.

He replies, "One of those women is my wife, and the other is my mistress. Why don't you go talk to them?"

The the second man starts to walk over. He gets halfway there and turns around.

When he gets back, his friend asks, "Now what happened?"

To this he replies, "Small world."
 
Flare said:
‎3 Men wake up on an island and get captured by a group of cannibals. The cannibal king says to the 3 men "we will let you live if you complete two tasks, the first task is to go into the forest and get 10 pieces of the same fruit and bring... Them back here for the 2nd task" and so the three men set off.
The first man comes back with 10 apples and the cannibal king says "you now have to put each apple up your ass without any expression.
The first man puts the first one in and goes to put the second in and screams out in pain and so they kill and eat him.
The second man comes back with 10 grapes, the king explains what he must do and so in goes the first, second, third...as he goes to put the last one in he bursts out laughing and so he is killed.
The first and second man meet in heaven and the first man says "why did you laugh you could have been saved!" to which the second man replies "i saw Dave coming with pineapples!"

:D
Click to expand...

geniune lols
 
schizo said:
geography of a women.

between 18 and 22 a women is like Africa,half discovered,naturally beautiful with fertile delta's.

between 23 and 30 a women is like America,well developed and open to trade,especially for high financed investors.

between 31 and 45 a women is like India,very hot,relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

between 46 and 55 a women is like France,gently ageing but sensual,with a appreciation for the finer things.

between 56 and 60 she is like Yugoslavia,lost the war,haunted by past mistakes and in need of massive reconstruction.

from 61 on a women is like Afghanistan,everyone knows where it is but no one wants to go there.
Click to expand...

Geography of a man:

From 15 to 80 a man is like Libya - ruled by a dick
 
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A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his backside.
The doctors described his condition as stable.
 
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