Wednesday joke ;)

Temi_D

Temi_D

Temi_D

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A prostitute is in the police station...

Officer: So Ms. when did you realised that you were raped?

Prostitute: When the cheque bounced
 
How many dirty stinking apes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

3. One dirty stinking ape to screw in the lightbulb and 2 others to throw faeces at each other.
 
I heard Torres pitched a new idea to the FA about goal-line technology, he's looking for an app to show him where it is.

After Saturday, UEFA apparently warned all players to be on best behaviour if they score. They didn't bother telling Torres
 
A truck carrying wigs overturned on the M4 this afternoon and some of them are still missing. Police are combing the area.

In other news, a large hole has opened up in the ground in North London. Police are looking into it.
 
Just remembered another

Replace the word duck with another word sounding like it.

A young boy walks into the kitchen and Shouts
"MOM WHAT YA DOING"
the mom shouts "DUCK"
as the young boy made her jump when she was cutting the chicken causing her to cut herself Confused The young boy asked
"What does that mean mom?"
the mom replies
"That's another word for cutting a chicken son, I'm busy go pester yer Dad."
the young boy goes upstairs and shouts
"DAD WHAT YA DOING"
The dad shouts "W**K"
as the young boy made him jump when he was having a shave him to cut himself confused The young boy asked
"What does that mean dad?"
the dad replies
"That's another word for having a shave son, now go downstairs and watch tv"
The boy gets to the bottom of the stairs and hears a knock on the door
Upon opening the door he sees a police officer
The police officer asks
"Where is your mom and dad son?"
the boy replies
"Mom is DUCKING the chicken and dad is having a W**K"
 
Last edited:
A man walks into a bar, he is dressed in camo and has that just got out of a truck from a hunting trip look to him. He looks around the bar and observes that there is quite a collection of animal trophies hanging on the wall. The man approaches the bar and asks the bar tender "hey these yours?"
The bartender proudly replies, "ya they are all mine, shot that moose over there while on a trip to Canada."
The man looks the bartender up and down and issues this challenge, "I am the world's greatest hunter, and to prove it to you I will bet you a shot of whiskey that you can blindfold me, I will place my hand on the animal, and correctly identify what it is and what you shot it with"
The bartender agrees to this wager and the various patrons help get the world's greatest hunter blindfolded and pointed in the direction of one of the trophies.
"10 point Buck, killed with a 30-06" Announces the Hunter. The bartender is amazed, pours him a shot and says. "bet you can't do it again"
"Cougar, killed with a .44 magnum"
"Elk, killed with a 7mm rifle"
The hunter is on fire and gets everyone of the trophies correct.
The next morning the hunter wakes up with a huge hangover and stumbles into the bathroom where he notices a large black eye. "Honey, what happened last night?" he asks his wife. "I went to the bar and did my trophy trick and everyone seamed to be having a good time, when you picked me up did I have a black eye?"
"No, that was me" states his wife, "your where quite drunk when you got into bed with me and when you did you shoved your hand between my legs and declared, "Skunk killed with an axe"
 
MikeHunt79 said:
A man walks into a bar, he is dressed in camo and has that just got out of a truck from a hunting trip look to him. He looks around the bar and observes that there is quite a collection of animal trophies hanging on the wall. The man approaches the bar and asks the bar tender "hey these yours?"
The bartender proudly replies, "ya they are all mine, shot that moose over there while on a trip to Canada."
The man looks the bartender up and down and issues this challenge, "I am the world's greatest hunter, and to prove it to you I will bet you a shot of whiskey that you can blindfold me, I will place my hand on the animal, and correctly identify what it is and what you shot it with"
The bartender agrees to this wager and the various patrons help get the world's greatest hunter blindfolded and pointed in the direction of one of the trophies.
"10 point Buck, killed with a 30-06" Announces the Hunter. The bartender is amazed, pours him a shot and says. "bet you can't do it again"
"Cougar, killed with a .44 magnum"
"Elk, killed with a 7mm rifle"
The hunter is on fire and gets everyone of the trophies correct.
The next morning the hunter wakes up with a huge hangover and stumbles into the bathroom where he notices a large black eye. "Honey, what happened last night?" he asks his wife. "I went to the bar and did my trophy trick and everyone seamed to be having a good time, when you picked me up did I have a black eye?"
"No, that was me" states his wife, "your where quite drunk when you got into bed with me and when you did you shoved your hand between my legs and declared, "Skunk killed with an axe"
Click to expand...

So bad I lol'ed a little inside my head. :o :D
 
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