death benefits from work.,..

edscdk

edscdk

edscdk

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long story in short..

good friend died leaving wife and 2yr old / 3 month old

he does have life cover as part of his job his widow will get 100 to 110k at some point (I think)

I don't know his wife well at all, not enough to call her or speak to her..., she does not work...

the house has a mortgage and she obviously has bills to pay..

*** The question is will the bank / other bills wait while things are sorted?

If not I would like to give her some money to help out but I think its a bit weird... (maybe i am weird for thinking that)

I have £2k cash from a loan my bro paid back to me sat in an envelope thats been at my parents house for 4 months and I cannot be bothered to go and get

1) do I give her the money and say I am paying back a loan? (ie lie to her)
2) will it just all be sorted will all the bills / mortgage wait till she gets the money
3) do I just drop some money into the letter box
4) do I give the money to a mutual friend and let them make up a story (so I am anon)
5) do i call her and ask her if she is ok for cash while things are sorted (but that makes me feel as if I am saying "your husband is dead I'm sure 2k would fix your life now")

2k represents about a months disposable income (after working 15 hours a day 7 days a week so its not easy cash) ... what would you do? (remember that if all the bills can wait she will get a 100+K
 
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He was your mate, if you really want to help out his family after his death then first massive respect to you and second I would make it perfectly clear that is what you are doing, be up front and offer it to her, if she accepts it so be it, if not say that if she needs it before this money makes it's way to her, you are willing to help. Make it clear that you aren't doing it out of charity, you are doing it because he was your friend and you want to make sure his family is taken care of.
 
Thats a very noble thing to want to do. You should be direct about it though. Just tell her straight that you were his friend, you have that cash to spare and you want to offer it to help her cope with her new financial situation.

If she wont take it you cant force it on her. Just let her know its there if she needs it.
 
just go around and speak to her say how sorry you are for her loss and ask if she is coping alright financially because you would hate to think of her having to worry about bills at a time like this, say you would be more than happy to borrow her some money if she needs it because he was a really good friend of yours...

dont go lieing about it
 
i would ask if she needed help with anything. Going round and just giving her money would be a bit awkward possibly insulting. I'd say number 5 is your best option. but don't make it the sole purpose of the call to offer her money. Pay your respects and check how she is.

She would be very fragile as this is a hectic time for her. As for bills and other things i think it will depend on the company/credit card.
 
Fenris said:
He was your mate, if you really want to help out his family after his death then first massive respect to you and second I would make it perfectly clear that is what you are doing, be up front and offer it to her, if she accepts it so be it, if not say that if she needs it before this money makes it's way to her, you are willing to help. Make it clear that you aren't doing it out of charity, you are doing it because he was your friend and you want to make sure his family is taken care of.
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Normally don't agree with this guy, but this is quote of the day for me.

Couldn't agree more.
 
Tefal said:
Just try not to come off as paying her for "special favours" now her husband is dead:o
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that is my concern, as if a few K will compensate her for the loss...

it is possible that her close friends have sorted everything and she jsut wants ot be left alone...
 
edscdk said:
that is my concern, as if a few K will compensate her for the loss...

it is possible that her close friends have sorted everything and she jsut wants ot be left alone...
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I would be very suprised if she took your offer to help the wrong way. There is only good intention from what you've said.

You may only regret doing nothing, and you would at least have piece of mind knowing you did try to help regardless of the outcome.
 
If you don't know her then she might not even accept it.

Why not ask to pay for something for her, like the bills etc rather than give her a lump sum?
 
go see if they are okay and ask if she needs any money as a loan to tide her over and tell her ur offering cos he was your friend. you dont need to make up any stories, just be honest.
 
There is hope for this world after all. Go over to express your condolences or whatever, and just offer her the cash, as has been said, as something you want to do for your friend's family in a time of need. If need be, make it clear that you aren't trying to engender any special favour and that you are simply trying to help.

If she accepts, great. If she doesn't, that is her right and I'd simply leave her saying that you are there if they need them. Possibly talk about your friendship.
 
Have you met her before? If you havent then it would b weird to lend her money.

just a not to someone who posted further up: YOU DON'T BORROW SOMEONE MONEY. YOU LEND IT TO THEM. LEND NOT BORROW.
 
vonhelmet said:
If you don't actually know her but want to help out then stick it through the letterbox and leave it at that.
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You have to see that from her view. If she gets £2k thriugh the letter box, she might think its drugs money or something and report to police.

I would personally talk to her in person and if she is struggling at all give her the money as an indefinite loan. Make sure younsay its a loan otherwise you could destroy her pride and make her feel like shes becoming a charity.
 
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