Tuesday Joke

[Semple]

Heard this one a while ago and it made me smile

There was a mother balloon, a father balloon and a baby balloon. One night the baby balloon was having nightmares and wanted to go sleep in his mum and dads bed.
So he goes into their room and tries to squeeze in between them both but he's a bit too large. He decides to let a bit of air out of his dad and try again. But he's still a bit too large to fit so he takes a bit of air out of his mum. Still being too large to squeeze in he takes a bit of air out of himself.
Finally manages to squeeze into bed and the following morning he is awoken by a disappointed mother. She says to him "I am very disappointed not only have you let me and your father down, you have let yourself down as well".

 

[Cuchulain]

My dad told me this joke when I was 5, true story.

 

[kalvindeane]

You don't even get the chance to grab your coat. Just get out.

 

[Semple]

You don't even get the chance to grab your coat. Just get out.

But it's cold out!

 

[Fenris]

That is the worst joke I have ever seen on this forum and THAT is no joke.

 

[Semple]

A 90 year old man walks into the pharmacy and says to the pharmacist "do you sell Viagra here". The pharmacist replies "yes" and pulls out a bottle from behind the counter. The old man then asks the pharmacist if he could cut the pills into quarters for him. The pharmacist then tells the old man that quarter of a Viagra wouldn't do him any favours with his sex life. The old man looks shocked and replies "sex life?? I only need it so I don't keep pi**ing on my slippers in the morning".

 

[Rexton]

Heard both of them, rubbish jokes that are so rubbish that they're good make me smile.

 

[Naffa]

Who knew that you could run an epic fail in SLi.

 

[Usher]

40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their Transit vans and caravans.

St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. 'I've got 40 travellers here. Can I let them in?'

God says 'We are over quota on ******. Go out and tell them to choose between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen in.'

Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again. 'They've gone', he tells God.

'What?' says God, 'All 40 of them?'

'No, the ******* gates'...




Paddy and his wife are having problems in bed, Mrs Paddy has never had a climax. They go to see a therapist who suggests Mrs P may get too hot during love making, and to try an electric fan to cool her down.
Paddy being too mean to buy an electric fan gets his mate Mick to come around that night and flap a towel whilst they made love.
This proved no good, so Mick suggested they change places. After and hour of the best and mind blowing sex of her life, Mrs P had her first climax

Paddy turns to Mick and say,s, 'now dat's how you flap a bloody towel '

 

[Cosimo]

My dad told me this joke when I was 5, true story.

My grandad wrote the joke, told my dad and he told........

 

[apeZ]

I heard a similar one about a needle and a bouncy castle at a school party.