Clothes ripping

I'd say you're abit on the podgy side and having chaffing inbetween your legs, which can wear down that area a lot quicker.

Basically, lose weight
 
I reckon you've been raped but you just don't know about it and the intruder cut your shorts and jeans to do it quickly.
 
I'd say you're abit on the podgy side and having chaffing inbetween your legs, which can wear down that area a lot quicker.

Basically, lose weight

This, I would guess.

With your jeans if it is a small rip, you could probably get it fixed by a tailor/ dry cleaner. It will cost £8-15 and is certainly cheaper than buying a new pair.
 
Or you have a habit of sitting on the end of your bike saddle before sitting back into it properly... split many a pair of trousers that way.
 
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