Boring housemate: Old before his time

Davepen

Davepen

Davepen

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Not sure if Im after any advice here or just need to vent! But have been living with on of my best mates (known him for 10+ years) for about 2 months at what I would consider a mansion (old school massive house), also live with his sister.

Hes 27, im 26 and she is 25, we all get on pretty well.

The problem is, since turning 27 a couple of weeks ago, he seems to be in a real slump.

He works every other weekend, I work in the week.
This means that if I go out on the weekend, he says to me that Im not to bring anyone back cause he doesent want to be woken up... which I dont think is really fair, but Ive been respecting this, as the 2 times I have woken him up hes gone absolutly ballistic (despite him not having work, at that time, till 4 in the afternoon)

Now the weekends hes not working I try and get him out of the house, but he just doesent seem up for doing anything at all, he cant be bothered to go out, all he does is lay on the sofa with his duvet on my laptop. (which he seems to have adopted as I never see it!!)

Now we all like to veg out from time to time, but I find its really starting to ruin my enjoyment of the house.

His sister is impartial, even if I did wake her up she wouldnt mind, she and I are both quite heavy sleepers and can quite easily get back to sleep if disturbed at all.

My mate sleeps with his door open because of the cat, which obviously doesent help, but it seems the slightest wake and he storms downstairs like a shot and starts shouting at everyone, even if there are only 2 people (including me) there.

Now we have both recently come out of relationships, (about 4 months ago, he was with her for 5 years, I was with mine for 2 1/2)

Hes always been lazy (partly why his relationship went down the pan) but I try to encourage him to get out there, lose some weight, meet some girls, but hes just not having any of it :/ now hes not really fat or anything but being in a relationship for that long has its effect on your belly (!)

Im not really sure what to do.... hes never been a very vocal person and hes very stubborn, he seemed to take the brake up quite well but if he was upset about it he would never tell anyone.

I want to try and get him out of this rut, and at the same time make him realise that I pay rent aswell, and within reason I want to be able to have a couple of people back after a night out without him flying off the handle.

I really dont want to move out because of this, but at the weekend I had 2 (yes 2!) girls that both wanted to come check my house out, but before I went out he said not to have anyone back, which I think is out of order!

Does anyone have any suggestions on what I can do to motivate him? Or does anyone think he may be suffering in silence?
 
Last edited:
eatcustard said:
move out
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This or man up and tell him that it's your house too and you're allowed to bring people back whenever you want. Respecting his wishes is one thing but he's acting like a parent. Grow a pair and put your foot down.

Oh and stop worrying about him. He doesn't give a damn about your social life so why should you care about his?
 
I think Im just gonna have to have words with him, I understand working weekends may not be the best but I wouldnt have a problem if he wanted to go out in the week and have people back, for his birthday we all went out in the week and I came out with him despite having work at 8, invited a load of people back, I went to bed at 12 and they carried on drinking etc down stairs, I didnt complain.
 
Davepen said:
I really dont want to move out because of this, but at the weekend I had 2 (yes 2!) girls that both wanted to come check my house out, but before I went out he said not to have anyone back, which I think is out of order!
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Check your house out? :p.

I'd have a word with him (inb4 argument). If he doesnt come to compromise/agreement just move out.
 
Im really happy with your guys responses ^^ Ive spoken to his sister about it and to other friends aswell, and they are all in agreement with me that hes being out of order.
 
Maybe he's depressed? It can happen suddenly and to anyone, especially if something bad's happened suddenly to trigger it off.

Irregular/bad sleep,
Bad appetite,
Horrible mornings, feels better in the evenings.
Doesn't enjoy or take pleasure in doing stuff.
Low self-esteem.

Any signs of those things?
 
I was in an opposite situation this year, where my housemate (a little rich boy) was keeping me awake until 2-3am with his bass speakers, would constantly have his mates round and they'd collectively jump on my ceiling on his Kinect, scream and shout for hours, and whack his bass up so loud I can honestly say my room shook and things fell off the shelves. He felt he was being completely reasonable, but he's a Uni student and I've been working this year. Weekends are one thing but I lost count of the amount of times I was in work late or too tired because of him.

Sounds like you've been very reasonable though, and kept things to weekends, and certainly not made an effort to irritate him. My advice would be to sit down with him and have a chat, explain you think there needs to be a compromise.

And since this is GD, I'll add the advice: sleep with his sister. :P

Good luck. :)
 
Ive got a minimum of another 4 months at the house before the end of our minimum term, Ill have a word with him and voice my concerns, if it dosent change in that time Ill just get out and move with some more fun friends!
 
Maybe he has depression? or Social Anxiety caused by depression? hence the reason he finds it hard to get involved?
 
Myn said:
And since this is GD, I'll add the advice: sleep with his sister. :P
Good luck. :)
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Ive already seen the puppies a few years back, its only a matter of time... ^^

Yeah I think he does have low self esteem, I always find loads of empty snack wrappers around his bed so I think he binge eats which isnt good, he seems tired all the time, evening and morning, never really up for doing anything, even if that anything is just playing some rock band/pc games

Hes just so very very difficult to talk to, doesent show his emotions at all and is very snappy/argumentative, even after knowing him for 10 years!
 
You sound like an immature halfwit, you are his so called best mate but you are just willing to 'dump' him because he doesnt want to go out drinking. I think its you that needs an attitude check not him. Theres more to life than ******* your money up the wall.
 
If you sleep with his sister, he will want to move out. Nobody in their right mind would want to hear their sister going at it with their mate.

Although, that could ruin your friendship forever doing that.
 
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