this is what i have so far.
Sorry for the long post !
"
My speech today will be like a mini-skirt. Long enough to cover the essentials but short enough to hold your attention! To be honest I didn’t really know where to start so I thought I’d trawl the internet. After a couple of hours I‘d found some really, really good stuff. But then I remembered that I was supposed to be writing a speech. Before I start, there will be plenty of toasts over the next few minutes so please make sure that your glasses are charged.
Firstly, My wife and I would like to thank John for his kind words and good wishes. And to thank him and Joe for paying for this lovely reception
…(pause and look at him) What? I thought you said…….No I’m only joking – you don’t need to find the key for the padlock on your wallet!
It’s lovely to see so many of our family and friends here today to help us celebrate the happiest day of our lives. I know that some of you have travelled a long way to be here and that means a lot to us. It really wouldn’t be the same without you all. From Me and My Wife we would like to thank you all for being here on special day.
Unfortunately, it’s not been possible to have everyone we love here with us today, but we know they’re here with us in spirit and they’re not only in our thoughts today, but more importantly they’re with us in our hearts. So, with them in mind, would you please all stand, raise your glasses, and join me in a toast to absent family & friends.
(To absent family and friends)
Chantelle’s Family
I’d also like to sincerely thank Chantelle’s mum and dad, John & Joe, for making me feel like the son they never wanted – sorry, the son they never had, right from day two. Day one was a bit rough, but I *think* they’re over it now, but they have never made me feel anything other than welcome and I thank them for that.
As a token of our appreciation, please accept this gift
Parents
My Mum & Dad has helped me enormously over the years and has seen me through thick and thin. Mainly thick, if I’m being honest but they have been there for me and I hope that I have done them proud. I really couldn’t have asked for a better Mother & father and I thank you for everything that you have done, not just for me but for me and my wife. Thank you.
As a token of our appreciation, please accept this gift
Bridesmaids
Apart from my wife, there are three other beautiful ladies here today. Chloe, Ashley & Chelsea, We’d like to thank them very much for being such wonderful bridesmaids. So, please stand and join me in a toast to the bridesmaids.
(To the bridesmaids!)
Best Man
I have known Ross, my Best Man, for nearly Ten years now and throughout that time he has been there for me when it matters and is always ready with an encouraging word, and a welcome bottle of Apple Snaps when things are going badly. And, if I’m being honest, when things are going well. I’d like to thank him for all his help in organizing the stag do. I’m also hoping that all this brown-nosing will be noted and that you’ll spare me some of your wrath when you give your speech in a minute!
But, most importantly I’d like to thank him for being a true friend. However, there is something that I need to make you aware of. Ross suffers from a strange condition that occasionally causes him to drift in and out of weird, strange flights of fantasy. He has been known to make up fanciful stories, absolutely believing them to be true. Anyway, it’s only right that I advise you all of this ahead of his speech.
As a token of our appreciation, please accept this gift
My Wife
Finally, I would like to thank my wife – I think I’m going to enjoy getting used to saying that – for agreeing to marry me and for making me the happiest man in the world, but also bringing our lovely daughter to the world. I think you’ll agree that she looks absolutely gorgeous today and when she walked up the aisle, she took my breath away.
They say you don't marry someone you can live with - you marry the person who you can’t live without and I think that sums us up perfectly. Now if I had to single out one thing about why I love Chantelle so much, it would be the fact that she makes me happier than I ever dreamed I could be. And I intend to spend the rest of my life making sure that the reverse is also true. I know that Chantelle has put a huge amount of effort into making today perfect and I think that she has done that, and more. Having lived with Chantelle for a couple of years now, I have learned a valuable lesson – when I’m wrong, admit it. When I’m right, keep quiet!
Seriously though, I never have a problem finding the words to express my love for Chantelle, but if I start then I probably won’t be able to stop. Suffice to say that, Chantelle, I love you so much and I can’t wait to grow old with you. Ladies and gentlemen, please stand and raise your glasses to my wife, Chantelle and our lovely daughter Mia
(To Chantelle and Mia !)
To Chris
I’d like to thank Chris for creating the fantastic flower arrangements and cake, on the tables you see in front of you. I’m sure you will all agree that they looked great. Thank you for your hard work Chris, it is appreciated so much.
As a token of our appreciation, please accept this gift.
Now, I’m not going to stand here all afternoon and bore you all with a load of stale old jokes. That’s the Best Man’s job! So, without further ado, I’d like to hand over to Ross."
However, if you know him well you might be able to lay some counter strikes before he says them, though if he's good he may just use your speech against you. 
