End of relationships - How do you eat yours

I've had a few romances but haven't been cut up over their endings. Having said that, I have been cut up over the loss of a few friends and there is one old school friend I'm trying to find even though we've not spoken for 15 years.
 
i've only had one serious relationship but at the time, i thought it was the real deal, it was the real deal as i've never felt the same about anyone since. the break up took a big part of me for years, still not 100% over it but near enough. the problem with being a bloke is we are expected to keep these emotions to ourselves a lot of the time. looking back at it, i was in a daze for about 6 months, couldn't concentrate on anything and this affected my work, diet, lifestyle, friends and family etc i really was in a bad place but didn't know what to do about it, only time that helped the most really.
i would not want to go through it again. got in touch with her recently through fb for the first time since 2006 and it really helped. i was nearly 24 when we finished and feel i would and will be better equipped if i have to go through losing the girl i thought was 'the one' again .... i hope :p. i have had less serious relationships and got over them easily enough but i was truely in love with this girl and was so unprepared!
 
I usually take the breakup quite well but then a week or so after i'll have a mini breakdown, but i've only been in serious relationships (2 years was my shortest one) so they tend to hit quite hard after having somone involved in your daily life to just dissapear from it.

I've never gone on rebound or anything after breaking with somone i usually just tend to withdraw to a close circle of friends for awhile and never really actively seek a relationship.

Though i have to say if my wife left me now i honestly dont think i would take it well, i'd most likely go down kicking and screaming and be utterly broken since i can honestly say that i feel my wife is my perfect partner.
 
Having come out of a relationship 4 months ago, I can say now that I see it as a fresh start.

First 3 months I was ******* miserable. Now? I am on top of the world. I am loving life, and I am loving being single. I'm still a little bit bitter about how much of a **** my ex was, I would go as far as saying that she wasted two years of my life and I greatly dislike her for it.

But yeah, fresh start.
 
I've had one serious relationship. The problem in my case was that I'd just moved 300 miles South into a flat I couldn't afford alone with her. One day about 2 months into living together she decided she didn't want to be with me anymore. I had an idea why and didn't take it too well. It wasn't until 4 months later that I found out she had been cheating on me behind my back. If I had known that from the start of the breakup things would have gone a lot smoother.

Instead, I spent a fair amount of time being pretty upset, leaning on my best friends and generally having a **** time while she opened her legs to a range of guys. I would never have tried suicide though, as rubbish as I felt. Oh, this was while we were still living in the same room btw. Two weeks after the breakup I rang her, told her to come and pick up her crap and threw her out.

Unfortunately, I'm too nice a guy and tried to reconcile after she went through some tough times a few months later. In typical female dog response she treated me like I was something she stood on.

Good life lesson and I don't regret moving. Made some great mates and karma has slapped her down a few times. Next time will definitely be different! Still taking the "free spirit" route atm ;) I learnt to always trust your head and if something doesn't feel right, something isn't right!

Castiel said:
With a side order of Sister....
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Yes please! The ex's sister is hot, smart and a lot of fun :p
 
Zefan said:
I've only ever had "serious" relationships. I have never ended a relationship, it has always been the other way around.

I'm the sort of person that will go down with the ship, kicking, screaming, trying to fix it, while the other walks away. Hell, half of the time I'll come back and try to float the bloody thing - the situation I find myself in currently.

For these reasons a relationship coming to a close is an extremely dark time for me. I put a huge amount of myself into being with someone, so when that ends it's like a piece of you is just gone. It's a very, very dangerous feeling.
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That is so close to what I do its scary!!

I've just came out of a 5 year relationship and yes its been mega hard for me, it wasn't nth choice to end it and it came as a massive shock. I'm all good though, sure I have the odd bad day but I enjoy my life. There are lots of things I miss and sometimes I wish I had her back but deep down I know things would've ended eventually so I'm enjoying my free time and looking forward to the next chapter of my life.
 
Zefan said:
I've only ever had "serious" relationships. I have never ended a relationship, it has always been the other way around.

I'm the sort of person that will go down with the ship, kicking, screaming, trying to fix it, while the other walks away. Hell, half of the time I'll come back and try to float the bloody thing - the situation I find myself in currently.

For these reasons a relationship coming to a close is an extremely dark time for me. I put a huge amount of myself into being with someone, so when that ends it's like a piece of you is just gone. It's a very, very dangerous feeling.
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we are much a like :D
 
I've only ever been in any sort of relationship with one person- we met aged 13, spent 5 years together, split for 6 months, then got back together for another 5 years. We broke up again a month ago.

The first time, I ended it, felt awful doing so, but figured I didn't want our gap years followed by uni being apart. Seemed the right thing to do, even though I had doubts before I even went through with it. Walked her home, then got very upset and called on a few good friends to take me out and get me wrecked. Went traveling after that, which briefly took my mind off it, but ultimately realized I'd made a huge mistake, and ended up getting back together - long and unrelated story how that happened.

Stayed together for 5 more years, long distance at uni, my year in china, and survived all that, then spent two years living together. Last breakup was mutual to the extent that we both knew it was coming, her doing a 4 year phd and me moving to china again, neither wanting any more long distance stuff. We're both very determined in what we want to do, so understand each other's position.

And it's horrible. Saying goodbye was predictably awful, but cuttting ties is also near enough impossible, given that she's someone I grew up with, and my best friend too. One month living alone now, and it still sucks.

So, er, anyway, breakups for me don't go so well :p
 
My only previous relationships have never lasted more than a year, so normally i'm just a bit upset/angry/grumpy for a day or two and then back to normal.

My only exception was probably my first love, that floored me for a good week or so when we split, but being dragged out to pubs/clubs by mates at the time to meet other women really helped.

Not sure how i'd cope if the current relationship ended as it's been over 8 years now. I think i'd be more worried about actually having to do things for myself if we broke up! :p
 
Zefan said:
I've only ever had "serious" relationships. I have never ended a relationship, it has always been the other way around.

I'm the sort of person that will go down with the ship, kicking, screaming, trying to fix it, while the other walks away. Hell, half of the time I'll come back and try to float the bloody thing - the situation I find myself in currently.

For these reasons a relationship coming to a close is an extremely dark time for me. I put a huge amount of myself into being with someone, so when that ends it's like a piece of you is just gone. It's a very, very dangerous feeling.
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Perfectly explained for myself, thanks :)
 
I generally just sever all contact like they never existed. I've been described as being completely heartless but its just the way i deal with break up's. It's still tough but I find it better this way than dwelling on it.

Scariest break up was with a gf I went out wiith about 5 years ago. Turned out she has major issues which she had been keeping from me, when I eventually found out I did everything I could to try and help her. Had no effect on her however I ended up a right mess because of it. One day woke up and thought **** this, drove over to hers and ended it there and then, didnt quite go to plan as she locked her self in the bathroom with a kitchen knife which was another while scenario.

On the drive home I just felt an incredible weight had been lifted.

Another one was probably my second most serious relationship bar the one im in now. We had been to4gether two years, she had been teaching out in Italy for a while and we talked about getting a house and stuff together once she had finished her contract in Italy. I don't know what exactly changed in me but I came to the realisation that I didn't want a future with her. I ended things between us soon after, came as a complete shock to her and to my family who thought she was the 'one' Never spoke to her again after explaining everything to her, completely blocked and deleted everything about her from my life and never spoke to her again.

Heard recently from a friend of a friend that she's now just bought a house with a guy and is engaged.

I don't like to dwell on things, just sever all ties and move on. This was typed on my phone so apoligise for any typos.
 
Zefan said:
I've only ever had "serious" relationships. I have never ended a relationship, it has always been the other way around.

I'm the sort of person that will go down with the ship, kicking, screaming, trying to fix it, while the other walks away. Hell, half of the time I'll come back and try to float the bloody thing - the situation I find myself in currently.

For these reasons a relationship coming to a close is an extremely dark time for me. I put a huge amount of myself into being with someone, so when that ends it's like a piece of you is just gone. It's a very, very dangerous feeling.
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Amen to that, brother.

When my ex left me after almost ten years, it pretty much tore the joy out of me. I can say I'm not really the same person anymore following that.
It doesn't help getting on with your own stuff when I got a birthday card after 18 months of silence saying how much she thinks of me every day and calling me 'my love'. :rolleyes:
Stirred up a lot of things I'd rather forget.

In many ways I'm glad I don't have to put up with her emotional and psychological problems any more. But that doesn't make the way she did things any easier to deal with - I come home one evening to find that she had just gone - left me a crappy note about how she needed to have some time on her own. She wouldn't even tell me where she had gone.
Bearing in mind her mental health state (she tried to overdose not long before this) that was really hard to accept; not knowing if she was ok. More fool me.

All that time, effort and loyalty, wasted. Time I'll never get back.
Back in the early days of our relationship, I discovered she was taking antidepressants - I should have been hard enough to end it with her then for my own preservation, but if you're a decent bloke you don't just abandon people because they're not perfect.

Ah, well... never get involved with nutters; they'll **** you up every time and call it your fault. ;)
 
Don't think I'd react like that ever, just seems overly dramatic and illogical.
But I've always had a cold reaction to stuff like this, be it break up, loss of job, being completely skint, death.

But I'm a realistic, there's not much I can do but carry on.

Edit: But If I imagine myself now without any family left, or friends.. I could see things being a hell of a lot worse.
 
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^^
I don't regret it much - I'd probably do the same again if I had that time over, just seems that way after how much I put in to that relationship, for the sake of us both (there's an old thread on here somewhere about mental health that explains more about the situation).

Some days the whole business still confuses the hell out of me, especially the way she behaved at the end. It had he effect of undermining my certainty over a lot of things. You have someone who just walks out on you without so much as a 'by your leave' when they've previously been so loving and close for so long, other troubles aside we always stood together.

As I say, living with someone with a quite serious mental health issue raises all sorts of difficult problems and I've not fully come to terms with all of them; given their nature I doubt I ever will be, so you just have to get on with your life.

Something I read yesterday seems appropriate here though:

anonymous said:
Now is a bearable burden. What buckles the back is the added weight of the past's mistakes and the future's fears.
I had to learn to close the front door of tomorrow and the back door to yesterday and settle down to here and now.
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