I love my wife and children but :

busman said:
im going to copy and paste your comment into the divorce paper :)

Seriously though, im hoping for some decent advice from someone that has gone through this or similar.
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My advice is to try to remember the things you loved about her.
Does she feel the same?
Is there another person involved?
 
Well not speaking from someone who has kids but from someone who initially grew up in an incredibly turbulent parent household which turned into a single parent household, having one parent and no misery is by my estimate eleventy billion times better than two parents and misery. It obviously can't say with any certainty, but I wouldn't be so sure of the end of the world for your kids if you left. You can still do loads with them if your wife/ex will let you, and it really doesn't sound like the current situation is going anywhere good for you.

Last resort, but something to think about. If they lost their live-in dad doesn't mean they'll go off the rails and start shooting up :p
 
hornett said:
Give me my life back....................read this and it was scary similarities. Same time married I have 2 boys, and I ride to work so she can have the car same house step up

Not in the same boat relationship wise. But when women get married they do tend to let themselves go a bit

With my misses it was her education that bugged me, she was smart but never finished A levels. So I worked hard to bring in the money and she decided to go back to College to do Accountancy. She always loves math.

Now she is a qualified Professional and much happier, and I found that wanting to be with someone is just as much their attitude as yours. If they are down you pick up on it.

It was hard for me working to let her go back to education, but we are more active now as a family.

Maybe see if there is something she wants to do..........
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I think that's the best bit of advice tbh. Encourage her to do something that adds value to her life and it might bring something extra to your relationship.

It sounds to me that your doing a lot of work for your family - 60 hours a week and your missus is looking after the house and kids. Without getting all Internet Psychologist, is it possible that you resent her for that ????

She gets a job, her self esteem improves, the dynamic of your relationship changes

I have been married for 14 years and there have been times when our relationship has been up and times when it has been down. I always come back to asking the same question, when we have issues, be it money or otherwise, do I still lover her and the answer is yes. So running away from what ever the problem is, just makes another problem if you split up. You need to address the true issue here. If it is truly you don't lover her anymore and that's all it isthen you make your decision. If it is something else then seriously stay with your girl and work through the problem together. It might just make your relationship stronger ;)

Good luck
 
Loki said:
I think that's the best bit of advice tbh. Encourage her to do something that adds value to her life and it might bring something extra to your relationship.

It sounds to me that your doing a lot of work for your family - 60 hours a week and your missus is looking after the house and kids. Without getting all Internet Psychologist, is it possible that you resent her for that ????

She gets a job, her self esteem improves, the dynamic of your relationship changes

I have been married for 14 years and there have been times when our relationship has been up and times when it has been down. I always come back to asking the same question, when we have issues, be it money or otherwise, do I still lover her and the answer is yes. So running away from what ever the problem is, just makes another problem if you split up. You need to address the true issue here. If it is truly you don't lover her anymore and that's all it isthen you make your decision. If it is something else then seriously stay with your girl and work through the problem together. It might just make your relationship stronger ;)

Good luck
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Some good advice there :cool:
 
Yeah, there's nothing out of the ordinary here mate. You just need to have something to look forward to, whether it's something as simple as a new game, or something that you can all do as a family. But try and have some 'me' time as well. As for your wife, have you tried discussing things with her?
 
busman said:
My life so far has been pretty mundane by contrast to some of the people on this forum, I drive a crappy 2001 mondeo lx. I drive a van for a living, don’t take sick days and in general have accepted my place in life. I didn’t work at school, I had a lot of potential to go further but was to lazy and too interested in impressing the fairer sex to worry about all that :D

Despite of all this I have a home that most of my more accomplished friends would kill for. I have a wife and two beautiful daughters that are going to cause me many a sleepless night when they are older :) Lets face it, all the crap I lied about is about to come full circle ‘mum, im staying at my mates tonight, just a load of guitars and all’ Aye right

Problem I have atm is there is just nothing between me and the wife anymore. I love her to bits but I don’t love her ‘that way’ if that makes any sense. Married for almost 3 years but going out over 10 :(
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I have been with my partner for 7 years and were not married. Were expecting our first child in November and we have a house, 2 cats and a dog. Most of the people i work with my age are currently either living at home or getting wasted.

Life is what you make it, if you enjoy family life, who cares what other people have. If you want to add spice to your life, find something you really enjoy and do it. I really enjoy Martial Arts, so i have started doing Wing Chun.

Don't worry about other peoples perceptions. A lot of people on here were most likely born into wealth, sacrificed a lot to get where they are or are just lying.

Chin up.
 
I went through what you are going through now about 6-7months ago. I have two lovely, kids boy (2) and a girl (5)
and my wife who i love but i did not fancy any more but i still love her tho.

I was working abour 50-60 hrs aweek and had no time for each other and that is what messed us up and i know if
this kept up i would lose her, so i booked two weeks off work and i went to her work place as well and talked to her
boss and book her 2weeks off as well, spoke to my in-laws if they could look after our kids for a long weekend while
we went away, and they did. I can say it was the best thing i done cause it helped so much.

We also did not do any hobbies together as well so we joined the gym together and make sure now
one night out of the week is our night and kids are in bed early alseep or we get a babysitter in so we can go out.

Hope it all works out for you....
 
busman said:
Problem I have atm is there is just nothing between me and the wife anymore.
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Have you tried Viagra?


I feel for you.. I always think the first years of a relationship are brilliant. You're probably spending lots of quality time learning and listening about each other. Spending money on nights out, meals, breaks away....

..Then I'm sure it gets complacent if you let it. In the early days you'd listen to her for hours on the phone. Now you won't let her talk through the commercials on Sky Sports.

For free, you can 1) pay her compliments 2) go for walks, 3) erotic massages 4) family games (charades, hangman) 5) play in the park 6) free family events through the summer 7) gardening 8) BBQs 9) Make your own quizzes - Anything that's going to make you laugh, have something to talk about and plan for.

If she's put on weight, talk to the sports forum. Diet is key.. You need to be eating healthily as a family. It be easier for her to loose weight by cutting out the snacks, calorie laden drinks and have balanced meals than going on a rigorous diet and exercise plan.

Everyone has the same amount of time. Some just use it more affectively. E.g making meals in batch in advanced.

Please post pics of the said legs so we can see what you're on about.

Failing all of that, FSX is the way forward... The ladies love a man that can fly a simulated airplane. Get her to dress as a budget airline stewardess.. and you as a Silver Fox Captain of a rich Saudi airline. Let nature take its course.

Ps try talking to her...
 
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busman said:
Ok before I go to bed I feel I should explain some things.

I always fancied the hell out of her, she has really long legs and I loved them from the start :) We went with each other in a nightclub after I arranged the bus, twas a good night and we got on great :)

We got on brilliant for a good while but things fizzled out as they do when you are young. We kept seeing each other for a while but eventually I had to tell her it wasnt working out and it was over for me. She was ok about it and I thought things were ok.

About 2 days later I got a text saying she was sorry for everything and she was sorry for what he was going to put me through??? Safe to say it was a quick dash from work to her mums house. It was locked up and I had to use a wheel brace to smash through a double glazing window to find her in a sorry state. I'll not go into details but you can guess. She didn't have the best of childhoods.

We patched things up after that and ended up having our first wee girl. Best thing that ever happened to the both of us. We got married and had our latest, almost 2 now.

This is why its not so black and white as some people might think. There is a lot of history and a lot of crap we have overcome to get here. Its a real pity I feel the way I do atm after all this :(
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Oh hell, you got the classic 'blackmailed into a staying in a relationship because she's a nutter' routine. Same thing happened to me, fortunately i got divorced before we had kids, for you though it's more complex

In what way has she 'let herself go' if she hasn't put on weight?
 
Hats off to you for recognising there's a problem and your willingness to work on it.

I think what lots of people fail to realise these days is that relationships are work. You gotta work on relationships or else they won't be good. I find that lots of people simply end things the moment the slightest problem occurs. Then they spend their life chasing something they can't have because they lack the willingness and maturity to work on relationships. The best relationships go through tough patches. It's entirely normal to feel the way you do or similar after you've spent a while with another person.

I'm sorry I can't offer any advice for your situation, I feel I don't know enough details. But like others have suggested, you should both find ways to spend quality time together, but you should also have your own lives. I think part of the reason why you don't feel the way you used to could be because as you say, she let herself go. She needs to find a hobby, go out with friends, have her individual thing that makes her feel good about herself.
 
She's had a hard time too i suspect bringing up your daughters. That just as hard as working all the time in my opinion.

Maybe get a hobby together? Like go do TaeKwonDo together for an hour or two a week at your local club. Builds up an interest that you both share and also gives you both a goal to achieve together.
 
Can someone who's still in a long term relationship (and I'm talking 5+ years) tell me, do you really continue to 'fancy' someone at that point?

I've been in a 4 year and 7 year, things seem to change around 3 to 5 years. You love each other, but not 'fancy'. The grass starts to look greener elsewhere and it all starts to fall apart?
 
Love is an action, not an emotion.

Make the effort between you and the wife, make time for one another and do things together, don't throw it away.
 
AndyCr15 said:
Can someone who's still in a long term relationship (and I'm talking 5+ years) tell me, do you really continue to 'fancy' someone at that point?
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I reached almost 10 years with my ex-wife and yes when she made a bit of an effort she was still amazingly hot
 
robgmun said:
I reached almost 10 years with my ex-wife and yes when she made a bit of an effort she was still amazingly hot
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That is a little different to the question I ask though. Granted, they can be hot, after 10 years did you still 'fancy' her though?
 
Give the children to the grand parents for a afternoon, go out to neutral ground, pub lunch that sort of thing, and get it off your chest. Without telling her how you feel it will just build up and build up until its to late, you never know she might feel the same way and you will end up in the latex and rubber scene for some extra spice :)

Been with the same woman for 12 years now, although we are not married things do go off the boil, which is natural, people slowly change, Woman go mad after children anyway (fact). Set a aside one night a week to do something different, even take the kids but it must be different to the norm, it works better if both of you have to make a small sacrifice i.w time, missing a TV program or whatever rocks your boat on a wednesday night. as for working 60hrs a week you shouldnt, its bad for you, and on your death bed you will not say i wish i spent more time driving, you will say i wish i spent more time with my kids and family.
 
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