I love my wife and children but :

Seems to me, that you need to have a night / week out.

Take her somewhere and talk. And just relax. you'll know after that night / week. if you dont love her anymore.
 
Haven't read the whole thread so may have missed some updates.

You will always have tough times in a relationship. Me and the missus have been through rocky patches and at times I have considered chucking the towel in but I always ask myself "would I be happier if I left" I try to weigh up the pros and cons as objectively as possible and the answer has always been "no"

A lot of the time it's just admiring what others have and you don't. Single friends can do x, y, z you can't. This person can do that blah blah. If things are bad for you walk away, I would despite what I have as you only live once.
 
krooton said:
Ironically, those friends are often jealous of what you have.
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Aye.

Was speaking to a friend about this recently. He's always been single, a notorious womaniser, all hiswages for himself so dresses well drives a good car blah blah. The sort oflife that sounds good at times in a 5 year relationship with a kid and mortgage and not massesof disposable income. (though a lovely home, car and the perks)

Most of the conversation was him saying how jealous he was if what I had :confused: really helped open my eyes to the fact that most want what they can't/don't have.
 
My dad left when i was 6, it tore me apart and has ****ed me over quite well, for the sake of your kids, and your wife, dont do it, try and find something that will work, and if you do leave, dont be a **** and get re married then not invite your kids, make sure they understand and dont ever ****ing lie
 
HangTime said:
Yes you can still fancy them but by that stage you take them for granted so it doesn't seem as exciting as when you first start courting a new partner. I chose the word courting because some people get off on the thrill of the chase, you know, flirting, growing closer, fantasising about them, first kiss that starts on the cheek but doesn't end there etc.

You get a lot more direct signals of interest from a new partner than you do from a long term one, they just go through the motions saying "love you" and give you a kiss goodbye but it almost becomes routine in the way that a handshake with a friend does. You don't get all excited at the prospect of when you are next going to see them.

So I think even if you fancy someone just as much it will still 'feel' different once you are in a settled stable relationship.
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Good post.


I sometimes feel this way about my labour of love. Been together a while now however there is this nagging feeling that with each drive she isn't quite as exciting as she used to be.

Spent a lot of time and money caring for her, keeping her looking good and running well. Little modifications here to spark things up and make the partnership more harmonious.

Often I find myself looking at younger, sportier models. Fresh faced, earger and keen to go. The lure of new, mysterious territory is there. Spending time together, pushing the limit and finding where the boundaries lie. All the excitement I think I am looking for.

However as with everything complicated, it's by no means a straight, easy swap. There are all the issues that come with this path: unknown service history, unsympathetical previous owners, possible unreliability, having to start afresh weeding out all the niggles. Sadly even then after all that, theres a high chance of been left high and dry. To top it off I'm not sure I have it in me to go back through the blood sweat and tears again, just to get back to where I am now.

But then I see her, sitting there quitely, waiting for me after work. Her stunning good looks and elegant lines reminding me of what attracted me in the first place. I also remember all the good times, the fun we've had and the fact she hasn't ever let me down. Once inside and all the bad feelings disappear, her smooth running and perky delivery banish all doubt.

I realise I've become complacent and should really be grateful. The admiring looks she gets from passers-by a constant reminder that I've hooked a good 'un.
 
Never give up Hope.

Love isn't just a feeling, it is a decision, at times a tough decision to make. The honeymoon period of love has worn off, now is time for some enduring love!

You made a vow to stay with her through thick or thin, be a man of your word.

Make a point to show affection regularly, dont make a big deal of it, just persist, she will eventually respond.
 
Thanks for all the advice guys and girls. I am definitely going to try and make things work out. Dont think its got to the stage where there is no going back.

Got the babysitters booked for the end of the month and we're going out for a meal and a few drinks after. Also planning a weekend away after Christmas, long way off I know but funds are tied up until then.

Thanks again
 
busman said:
Thanks for all the advice guys and girls. I am definitely going to try and make things work out. Dont think its got to the stage where there is no going back.

Got the babysitters booked for the end of the month and we're going out for a meal and a few drinks after. Also planning a weekend away after Christmas, long way off I know but funds are tied up until then.

Thanks again
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All well and good but make sure you take note of the little things as well that have been mentioned in this thread - don't just concentrate on grand gestures.

And don't 'see how it goes', - make it work for your kids :) It will have a positve impact on their lives.
 
naefeart said:
Good post.


I sometimes feel this way about my labour of love. Been together a while now however there is this nagging feeling that with each drive she isn't quite as exciting as she used to be.

Spent a lot of time and money caring for her, keeping her looking good and running well. Little modifications here to spark things up and make the partnership more harmonious.

Often I find myself looking at younger, sportier models. Fresh faced, earger and keen to go. The lure of new, mysterious territory is there. Spending time together, pushing the limit and finding where the boundaries lie. All the excitement I think I am looking for.

However as with everything complicated, it's by no means a straight, easy swap. There are all the issues that come with this path: unknown service history, unsympathetical previous owners, possible unreliability, having to start afresh weeding out all the niggles. Sadly even then after all that, theres a high chance of been left high and dry. To top it off I'm not sure I have it in me to go back through the blood sweat and tears again, just to get back to where I am now.

But then I see her, sitting there quitely, waiting for me after work. Her stunning good looks and elegant lines reminding me of what attracted me in the first place. I also remember all the good times, the fun we've had and the fact she hasn't ever let me down. Once inside and all the bad feelings disappear, her smooth running and perky delivery banish all doubt.

I realise I've become complacent and should really be grateful. The admiring looks she gets from passers-by a constant reminder that I've hooked a good 'un.
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Wonders what car this is?
 
Quitting is for losers, keep at it boy!

Perhaps find something to do together, get her involved in something and yourself. Absence makes the heart grow enlarged....or something like that.
 
More to life than money and houses.

I suggest talking to her, don't keep it all to yourself. It might be awkward at first but if you both love each other you'll do whats needed to make it work.
 
Must say think its human nature to some times want more, but as others have said i wouldn't give up. I personally have never felt like you have, which has mostly been down to my wife and I always make a massive effort to enjoy things together. Hell i even took Tennis lessons just so i could keep up with her on the court ( I kick her *** now). Life's what you make of it my friend. It seems you've made your mind up tho, so nothing people will say will change that!

Good luck!

LeopoldScotch said:
More to life than money and houses.

.
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This is true, altho having a little money does make it easier, night out on a weekend will likely bring you closer together, few drinks in music free bar followed by some food keeps my marriage happy!
 
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Hi Busman. Reading your original post was a bit close to home for me as you've described the apparent situation my wife found herself in. The way she handled it was not to ever talk to me about it, to tell me one random Thursday night that she was leaving me and clear off within two weeks. My life has fallen around my ears and the effect on my 5 year old son has been huge and powerfully negative. To be honest, I don't really understand any of the "reasons" that she has come up with, her entire family, 95% of her friends and my family all think she's having a mid life crisis but she says that she just wants a separation. However, if she thinks that there will ever be a way back she is totally deluded. I have lost all faith in her and find that I no longer even like her (and I was totally in love with her before her announcement).
My suggestion is to take a different path to her. Talk to your wife. Suggest marriage guidance. Fight for it. You sound like you have a good life and wonderful kids. To sum it up, do you want to be that Dad you see at McDonalds at the weekend, "treating" his kids on "access day"? I don't but I was denied the choice. You are in the position to actually have that choice. Think long and hard.
Chris
 
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