Been working on this for a couple of days and looking to get feedback but I obviously can't ask anyone that is going to the wedding. I won't lie . . . I have used parts of speeches I have found online because I am useless at this type of thing.
Anyway if you are bored and can be bothered to read it I would welcome your feedback
Intro
Good afternoon ladies, gentleman, boys and girls. If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, you’re either me . . . or you just married John Muir!
What can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings, a man who is now quickly rising to the very top of his profession based solely on intelligence, grit and the willpower to push on where others have failed.
A man who is beginning to distinguish himself at the very highest level amongst his peers, and where none can say a bad word against him?
But thats enough about me, what I`m really here for this afternoon is to talk about John.
Are we all having a good time? Don’t worry, I read somewhere that the best man speech shouldn’t last any longer than it takes the groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen – I give you Mr and Mrs Muir. (Take drink and sit down).
Just joking I’m not going to speak too long today because of my throat (give a little cough) if I go on too long John has threatened to cut it!
In case you haven’t guessed it, the reason I’m stood up here now is because I am the best man. My name is Greg and I have the dubious honour of being the best man today. So what defines a best mans duties? Well I did some research and one site I found described the best man duties as being - And I quote:
“At the reception the best man should help keep things running smoothly by offering around drinks and introducing people”.
Now look - I don’t mind the socialising part but at £3.50 a pint I would remind everyone that the hip flask I smuggled in will only go around the top table. So my apologies for that!!
Thanks You’s
OK – Introductions out the way – Now for some thank you’s.
Firstly, can I just direct your attention towards the bridesmaid Laura who looks gorgeous today, let’s have a round of applause for her!
John and Lisa have also asked me to thank the staff here at the Palm Court for all their hard work and ensuring today went as smoothly as possible.
I have also been asked to thank you all for coming and for all the donations towards their future together.
And last but certainly not least, I would like to thank Lisa. Obviously the focus of everyone’s attention today, who I am sure you will all agree is as graceful and beautiful as ever. Lisa you look like one in a million. John, you on the other hand look like you were won in a raffle!
Stories
I think every man (and maybe even some women) in the room will agree with me when I say that today is a sad sad day for us all, knowing that a woman like Lisa is now off the market.
And John looks ok doesn’t he, he’s tried his best, but I also think that every woman in the room will agree with me when I say that today is just another day really!
Some of you may have been surprised by how calm and collected John has seemed today - he seems to have avoided the wedding day jitters, however. . . That's only because none of you saw him at 9:00 o'’clock this morning when he was lying on his bed, with his mum rubbing his back, trying to get him to eat one more spoonful of coco pops!
So lets talk about John:
I can honestly say, in all the years I’ve known John, no one has ever questioned his intelligence. In fact, I’ve never heard anyone even mention it! I’ll give you some examples.
His mum tells me he was a slow starter, in nursery he was different from all the other 5 year olds . . . he was 11.
I remember one time we walked past McDonalds in town, there was a sign in the window saying Free Big Mac, I pointed this out to John and he said “why what did he do?”.
So before I formally begin John’s character assassination I thought I better get some clearance from Lisa. Unfortunately I didn’t think about doing this till about 10 minutes ago when she advised me of my do‘s and don’ts. She said:
Don’t mention ex-girlfriends
Don’t swear
Don’t tell risqué jokes
Don’t tell lies
Do tell mostly positive stories about the groom
So that’s that part of my speech gone!
Advice
Obviously being best man I was with John last night on his last night of freedom and I have spent much of the last month chatting about how much of a good husband he will be to Lisa.
Last night, as we were talking I asked him what it was he wanted from his marriage,
he said, "well, I want to be a model husband and I want to be a model citizen."
And then added with a cheeky grin that he also wanted to be a model lover!!
Being the naïve chap that I am, I looked up "model" in the dictionary it said:
"a small, miniature replica of the real thing"!!!
Now for some advice.
Lisa: Remember men are like wooden floors . . . Lay them right the first time and you can spend years walking all over them.
John: Firstly set the ground rules and establish whose boss . . . Then do everything Lisa says.
Conclusion
And Im sure you will all be pleased to hear . . . In conclusion:
I spent the last month worrying about this speech but the point of it only came to me yesterday and that is:
Nobody else could possibly stand where I am right now and feel more proud and honoured than me to be able to represent Joh on this - the most important day of his life.
Webster's dictionary defines
“union” as an agreement and conjunction of mind, spirit, will, and affections.
When I think of John and Lisa’s marriage, I think of a creation of harmony between their intelligent minds and their indelible spirits. I look forward to being a part of their lives and having them both as a part of my life for many, many years to come.
On behalf of the entire wedding party I would like to thank you all for coming to share in this wonderful occasion.
To Mr and Mrs Muir!
Not too sure on the conclusion bit my self . . . any ideas?
Anyway if you are bored and can be bothered to read it I would welcome your feedback
Intro
Good afternoon ladies, gentleman, boys and girls. If there is anybody here who is feeling worried, nervous or apprehensive, you’re either me . . . or you just married John Muir!
What can you say about a man who came from humble beginnings, a man who is now quickly rising to the very top of his profession based solely on intelligence, grit and the willpower to push on where others have failed.
A man who is beginning to distinguish himself at the very highest level amongst his peers, and where none can say a bad word against him?
But thats enough about me, what I`m really here for this afternoon is to talk about John.
Are we all having a good time? Don’t worry, I read somewhere that the best man speech shouldn’t last any longer than it takes the groom to make love. So ladies and gentlemen – I give you Mr and Mrs Muir. (Take drink and sit down).
Just joking I’m not going to speak too long today because of my throat (give a little cough) if I go on too long John has threatened to cut it!
In case you haven’t guessed it, the reason I’m stood up here now is because I am the best man. My name is Greg and I have the dubious honour of being the best man today. So what defines a best mans duties? Well I did some research and one site I found described the best man duties as being - And I quote:
“At the reception the best man should help keep things running smoothly by offering around drinks and introducing people”.
Now look - I don’t mind the socialising part but at £3.50 a pint I would remind everyone that the hip flask I smuggled in will only go around the top table. So my apologies for that!!
Thanks You’s
OK – Introductions out the way – Now for some thank you’s.
Firstly, can I just direct your attention towards the bridesmaid Laura who looks gorgeous today, let’s have a round of applause for her!
John and Lisa have also asked me to thank the staff here at the Palm Court for all their hard work and ensuring today went as smoothly as possible.
I have also been asked to thank you all for coming and for all the donations towards their future together.
And last but certainly not least, I would like to thank Lisa. Obviously the focus of everyone’s attention today, who I am sure you will all agree is as graceful and beautiful as ever. Lisa you look like one in a million. John, you on the other hand look like you were won in a raffle!
Stories
I think every man (and maybe even some women) in the room will agree with me when I say that today is a sad sad day for us all, knowing that a woman like Lisa is now off the market.
And John looks ok doesn’t he, he’s tried his best, but I also think that every woman in the room will agree with me when I say that today is just another day really!
Some of you may have been surprised by how calm and collected John has seemed today - he seems to have avoided the wedding day jitters, however. . . That's only because none of you saw him at 9:00 o'’clock this morning when he was lying on his bed, with his mum rubbing his back, trying to get him to eat one more spoonful of coco pops!
So lets talk about John:
I can honestly say, in all the years I’ve known John, no one has ever questioned his intelligence. In fact, I’ve never heard anyone even mention it! I’ll give you some examples.
His mum tells me he was a slow starter, in nursery he was different from all the other 5 year olds . . . he was 11.
I remember one time we walked past McDonalds in town, there was a sign in the window saying Free Big Mac, I pointed this out to John and he said “why what did he do?”.
So before I formally begin John’s character assassination I thought I better get some clearance from Lisa. Unfortunately I didn’t think about doing this till about 10 minutes ago when she advised me of my do‘s and don’ts. She said:
Don’t mention ex-girlfriends
Don’t swear
Don’t tell risqué jokes
Don’t tell lies
Do tell mostly positive stories about the groom
So that’s that part of my speech gone!
Advice
Obviously being best man I was with John last night on his last night of freedom and I have spent much of the last month chatting about how much of a good husband he will be to Lisa.
Last night, as we were talking I asked him what it was he wanted from his marriage,
he said, "well, I want to be a model husband and I want to be a model citizen."
And then added with a cheeky grin that he also wanted to be a model lover!!
Being the naïve chap that I am, I looked up "model" in the dictionary it said:
"a small, miniature replica of the real thing"!!!
Now for some advice.
Lisa: Remember men are like wooden floors . . . Lay them right the first time and you can spend years walking all over them.
John: Firstly set the ground rules and establish whose boss . . . Then do everything Lisa says.
Conclusion
And Im sure you will all be pleased to hear . . . In conclusion:
I spent the last month worrying about this speech but the point of it only came to me yesterday and that is:
Nobody else could possibly stand where I am right now and feel more proud and honoured than me to be able to represent Joh on this - the most important day of his life.
Webster's dictionary defines
“union” as an agreement and conjunction of mind, spirit, will, and affections.
When I think of John and Lisa’s marriage, I think of a creation of harmony between their intelligent minds and their indelible spirits. I look forward to being a part of their lives and having them both as a part of my life for many, many years to come.
On behalf of the entire wedding party I would like to thank you all for coming to share in this wonderful occasion.
To Mr and Mrs Muir!
Not too sure on the conclusion bit my self . . . any ideas?
this is why I need help!! haha any ideas? 
