You misunderstand me, sorry, She can't show affection when she doesn't feel it, when she is really angry at me for something ive done or not done!
Not knowing where I stand...or what to do next...
- Thread starter Vidar
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You misunderstand me, sorry, She can't show affection when she doesn't feel it, when she is really angry at me for something ive done or not done!
Sorry to burst the support bubble - the above really stood out for me for some reason. It suggested to me that there are assumed and mostly nondiscussed boundaries that you're both living with. Not healthy.
Your right! She has a very strong personality, she's had to in the past, she has had a lot of negativity in her life so I cut her a lot of slack but I'm now painfully aware this has crossed a boundary in the total lack of respect I'm shown as mentioned earlier....
I'm trying to get back on an even playing field but every time I try I get slammed for making her miserable etc etc
I think I must be stuck with her sister!
I work night shifts 8 hour night shifts (10pm - 6am) 60 miles from home, so there is a 70 minute each way commute going on.
When I get home I sort out our sons breakfast & bottle, take the other kids (her two from her previous marriage) to school (and pick them up), usually get roped into vacuuming around etc so usually manage to sleep between 10am - 3pm. During my waking hours I'm the one that has to change nappies, sort bottles etc. She's usually too 'busy' on Facebook etc.
But she can't drive. So any appointments, shopping etc usually eats into that time, so I'm permanently knackered and commute on a massive caffeine intake to avoid driving under trucks whilst asleep.
I still get it in the neck for being lazy. I'm only there for my son, I don't think I could cope at one weekend a fortnight. He's two tomorrow.
I work night shifts 8 hour night shifts (10pm - 6am) 60 miles from home, so there is a 70 minute each way commute going on.
When I get home I sort out our sons breakfast & bottle, take the other kids (her two from her previous marriage) to school (and pick them up), usually get roped into vacuuming around etc so usually manage to sleep between 10am - 3pm. During my waking hours I'm the one that has to change nappies, sort bottles etc. She's usually too 'busy' on Facebook etc.
But she can't drive. So any appointments, shopping etc usually eats into that time, so I'm permanently knackered and commute on a massive caffeine intake to avoid driving under trucks whilst asleep.
I still get it in the neck for being lazy. I'm only there for my son, I don't think I could cope at one weekend a fortnight. He's two tomorrow.
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I can imagine this is a very difficult situation for you as your stuck between trying to find the good in your relationship whilst tolerating the bad. It certainly is difficult to manage such a relationship when you may have been involved for such a long time. In my opinion your girlfriend sounds frustrated with either her current situation and may be attributing this to you, or it could be some kind of difficulty she is having with you. Either way anyone on this forum is unable to give you sound advice, just experience, due to not knowing the full story.
I do feel for you mate, we have all had problems in our own relationships. One thing I have learnt however is that I now refuse to be treated in the same manner you are. I would never treat someone in a similar manner and I certainly expect the same respect I give. If I were you a serious conversation is needed about how you feel and what needs to be changed to go forward in your relationship. You know when this kind of thing starts happening you've hit that slope and you need to balance it or else you will hit some serious relationship problems. Goodluck pal
I do feel for you mate, we have all had problems in our own relationships. One thing I have learnt however is that I now refuse to be treated in the same manner you are. I would never treat someone in a similar manner and I certainly expect the same respect I give. If I were you a serious conversation is needed about how you feel and what needs to be changed to go forward in your relationship. You know when this kind of thing starts happening you've hit that slope and you need to balance it or else you will hit some serious relationship problems. Goodluck pal
I'm sorry... I can certainly relate to how you must be feeling, despite loving her it's only really my kids that keep me here... that smile on their faces when I get them up from a sleep every day or walk through the door after a day at college are the best things in my day
I just hope your partner doesn't use your kids against you as mine seems to have started doing.... she actually said the other day while I was beeming with pride at my daughter, after an arguement but it still hit me like a brick to the head "They'll know what a loser you are soon enough"
Even now it makes me feel like wheeping!
I know what you mean. I've seen how she uses her other kids against her ex, he only gets them one weekend a month and even then she's messing him about over the dates etc. Last time we had a row she even mentioned that if we split she'd essentially screw me over as much as possible using legal aid so I'd only get supervised access.
Any employed bloke facing an unemployed (and imho unemployable) ex with access to free legal aid has to have extremely deep pockets or they're screwed basically.
Any employed bloke facing an unemployed (and imho unemployable) ex with access to free legal aid has to have extremely deep pockets or they're screwed basically.
She swears blind she would never do anything like that, hates people who do infact, she says they should love their kids more than they hate their ex and i've always believed her.... Now i'm not so sure!
Things really don't seem any better today... I was up till around 4am plowing through an assignment, yet I was made to get up at 6am to make my daughter a fresh bottle, then ordered to get up again at 8am.... but it was okay because I had more work to do..... I'm really getting tired of it!
Same here, because she had really bad relationships in the past I cut her a lot of slack this now has made her totally unrespectful, I decided enough was enough long time ago, it just took me a while to end it. But it's worth it because the relationship is not going to go any where. These type of women are extremely self centred and psychotic, I hope she's hot at least.
From an outsiders perspective and having read your OP she sounds like a grade A ***** mate. No offence at all as you've stated how you feel about her.
Instead of sitting down and blurting this all out to her, which will no doubt make her think you're weaker than she already thinks you are, start laying down the law. It sounds like she needs to be tamed, a lot of women thrive off of the whole 'badboy' thing, this sounds like a case of it to me!
When I try and do as much as I can for a girl, they distance themselves/show less respect, if you act like you don't GAF, then she'll come a running!
Either that, or something is going on behind the scenes and she is dealing with it by taking it out on you.
Instead of sitting down and blurting this all out to her, which will no doubt make her think you're weaker than she already thinks you are, start laying down the law. It sounds like she needs to be tamed, a lot of women thrive off of the whole 'badboy' thing, this sounds like a case of it to me!
When I try and do as much as I can for a girl, they distance themselves/show less respect, if you act like you don't GAF, then she'll come a running!
Either that, or something is going on behind the scenes and she is dealing with it by taking it out on you.
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If she won't or can't resolve conflict with you then it's time to get relationship counsellors involved.
If she can't or won't get relationship counsellors involved then it's time to think about leaving what sounds like a very, very broken relationship.
You have one life to be the best person you can be to yourself, to your kids and to a(nother) woman who will love you for who you are.
What do you want to do?
If she can't or won't get relationship counsellors involved then it's time to think about leaving what sounds like a very, very broken relationship.
You have one life to be the best person you can be to yourself, to your kids and to a(nother) woman who will love you for who you are.
What do you want to do?
Firstly, I really feel for you mate. Im sure most men have been in a similar situation at some time or other and it really is a horrible feeling not knowing what is going on and where things stand. I have been there but luckly there were no kids invlovled to make the decision even harder.
The only thing I would say is that if it shows no signs of resolving itself then the only important thing is what is best for your children, If this means splitting up so they are not in the middle of a bad situation then so be it.
If you think you can work things out then this is good also, but you really need to sit down and speak to your GF, be very honest and tell her how things are upsetting you and that things cannot carry on the way they are.
The only thing I would say is that if it shows no signs of resolving itself then the only important thing is what is best for your children, If this means splitting up so they are not in the middle of a bad situation then so be it.
If you think you can work things out then this is good also, but you really need to sit down and speak to your GF, be very honest and tell her how things are upsetting you and that things cannot carry on the way they are.
It probably won't make you feel any better but don't rely on the fact you know her. My wife always mocked weekend dads at McDonalds, spoke venomously about woman who have affairs and talked loads about how sad it is that marriages don't work and it must be because people couldn't be bothered to put in the effort to make them work. Then, literally out of the blue, she left me 3.5 months ago and is involved in an affair with a married man. To be frank, after 18 years together (13 married) I have now realised I didn't know her at all.
Hello,
I am sorry you are going through this in what must not only be a difficult and confusing time for you and your partner but also your children, and they are the most important people in this whole thing its important to remember.
Whatever it was that you went through you did come through as you are still here trying to put it right as is your partner. It does sound like she also has some things on her mind that maybe are bothering her a lot more then she is letting on and I think its important that you sit down and talk through not only what you went through, what you are now doing in regards to studying etc (and well done for this!!) but also what is bothering her. I think as you said you care/love her a lot and obviously your children too say that you love thm all very much and you want them all to work through any problem and be a happy family so your children can have what they deserve.
If she is motivating you to try and do more and is happy and goes along with it happily then changes there is 100% something else bothering her which could be something from her past that she is not telling you fully or is bothering her a great deal and I would try and talk to her as I said. But you have/are doing the right thing and well done, but as always in life things take time sometimes.
I am sorry you are going through this in what must not only be a difficult and confusing time for you and your partner but also your children, and they are the most important people in this whole thing its important to remember.
Whatever it was that you went through you did come through as you are still here trying to put it right as is your partner. It does sound like she also has some things on her mind that maybe are bothering her a lot more then she is letting on and I think its important that you sit down and talk through not only what you went through, what you are now doing in regards to studying etc (and well done for this!!) but also what is bothering her. I think as you said you care/love her a lot and obviously your children too say that you love thm all very much and you want them all to work through any problem and be a happy family so your children can have what they deserve.
If she is motivating you to try and do more and is happy and goes along with it happily then changes there is 100% something else bothering her which could be something from her past that she is not telling you fully or is bothering her a great deal and I would try and talk to her as I said. But you have/are doing the right thing and well done, but as always in life things take time sometimes.
I don't usually post in threads like these but this one hit a cord.
I had an ex who used to behave like that. Turns out there were some deeper physiological issue's present. One being severe depression the rest were just her being a total nutcase that I assume came from years of drug abuse as a teenager.
Get rid of her. You may or may not know but this will be slowly killing you inside. You mentioned you suffered with depression. Being treated like this is doing very little to help that. I know as I suffered with it too. At the very least take some time out to work out what it is you truly want.
It sounds like something is seriously wrong her end. If she's not willing to put the same effort in you are what do you have left? Its just a case of how long before you start to resent her the same way she does you.
Did you post looking for advise or further justification to leave? You seem to have already done everything humanly possible.
Flick a coin. Tails you stay, Heads you leave. You'll work out while that coin is in the air which you want to do.
I had an ex who used to behave like that. Turns out there were some deeper physiological issue's present. One being severe depression the rest were just her being a total nutcase that I assume came from years of drug abuse as a teenager.
Get rid of her. You may or may not know but this will be slowly killing you inside. You mentioned you suffered with depression. Being treated like this is doing very little to help that. I know as I suffered with it too. At the very least take some time out to work out what it is you truly want.
It sounds like something is seriously wrong her end. If she's not willing to put the same effort in you are what do you have left? Its just a case of how long before you start to resent her the same way she does you.
Did you post looking for advise or further justification to leave? You seem to have already done everything humanly possible.
Flick a coin. Tails you stay, Heads you leave. You'll work out while that coin is in the air which you want to do.
I can see what you mean about your kids etc, but I think you need to get out of there or at least have a temporary separation. She sounds like shes taking you for a ride and has grown used to being able to bully you. It doesnt sound like a happy environment for you or your kids.
To me it sounds like shes either, sleeping around, is getting bored/fed up or has got used to treating you this way.
For some reason this post has grabbed me so ive subscribed. Please let us know how you get on.
To me it sounds like shes either, sleeping around, is getting bored/fed up or has got used to treating you this way.
For some reason this post has grabbed me so ive subscribed. Please let us know how you get on.
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