Are you an outgoing/confident person?

FeFiDoh

FeFiDoh

FeFiDoh

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If you are, have you always been or is it something you have worked on?

I turned 27 Friday and I get frustrated with myself for not being as outgoing as I would like.
I tend to be quite negative and moan about a lot of things even when its not that bad I just find it easier to do that.

I find it hard to engage people in conversation for fear of saying something stupid, not knowing what to say or coming across in the wrong manner.

I think the fact that I have acknowledged it is at least a step in the right direction and I get the urge to try and put it right, kind of feel like wasting opportunities and things are passing me by.

Any tips from the OCUK faithful on ways to over come this?
 
You do realise this is a forum of computer nerds right?

Joking.

Just get hammered, you'll soon be talking to people you don't even know.

Alcohol = The #1 confidence enhancer.
 
You can't use alcohol in every situation, if I was drunk every day and needed that to get through the day I think that would be more of a worry than my lack of social skills ;)
 
I can be very shy with a lot of new people in social situations, things like the first few days of a new job are my nightmare. The flipside is that I am pretty good at faking confidence so no-one really knows, unless I make a knob gag within 10 minutes of meeting my new MD like recently, then it's kind of obvious...
 
At 23, I would say I am definitely more outgoing and confident than I was when I was 16. In fact, I am THE outgoing one in my friend groups and I just grew in to it. It's about becoming comfortable with yourself, no matter what other people say, and not caring so much if people don't like you straight away. Saying that, my friends always say I am the person that every one likes any way, cause I am generally friendly to everyone!
 
If I was confident and outgoing, I wouldn't be spending most of my time posting on forums like this one :p

But honestly, no, I'm not in the least. People are scary :o
 
FeFiDoh said:
I turned 27 Friday and I get frustrated with myself for not being as outgoing as I would like.
I tend to be quite negative and moan about a lot of things even when its not that bad I just find it easier to do that.

I find it hard to engage people in conversation for fear of saying something stupid, not knowing what to say or coming across in the wrong manner.
Click to expand...

Are you me?

I bet you're fine with people once you actually get to know them (work, friends etc)? I find once I get to know people then I'll happily sound stupid on occasions. I won't really instigate a conversation with people though :(
 
See, I am exactly in real life as I am on the internet, hyper, friendly, talkative, I hate awkward silences so I always try and talk to people, get the conversation flowing :D
 
I'm not hugely outgoing, but at least in the last few years (I'm 24) I've managed to get to a fairly comfortable stage, I can talk to people I don't know fine and am alright in most social situations. Still need to be ****ed to dance however! :p
 
It might help to remember that in many cases if you're not feeling 100% confident or comfortable in a situation that is quite often the case for the other person/people as well. Of course sometimes they are just that damn confident but I suspect a lot of people "fake it until they can make it" so to speak.

I'm not hugely confident or outgoing in all social situations as I often prefer to listen a bit before jumping in but the thought of missing out on something I'd enjoy tends to bother me more than the worry about the fear of looking like a tool for something I've said so sometimes you've just got to take the opportunity and say/do it. It's also worth remembering that generally speaking people don't care that much about you occasionally saying something out of turn, they've got bigger problems to worry about such as whether they're going to say something silly themselves - there's something essentially rather liberating about realising that to the vast majority of people in the World you're as unimportant to them as they are to you, that may change when you get to know them more but how are you going to do that without actually interacting with them?
 
My friend told me the other day that I have an unbelievably unwarranted sense of self confidence. So he cleverly told me I was ugly. Jealous **** :D
 
I am confident and outspoken until a hot a girl shows up. Unless it is in a work environment or an environment where there is nothing going to happen. Like say my friend (if i had any) had a girl friend, i would ok with talking to her. But if for example i was at a bar and wanted to talk to a girl, i would not be able to. There is a word for this, i believe it is a pussy.
 
groen said:
I am confident and outspoken until a hot a girl shows up. Unless it is in a work environment or an environment where there is nothing going to happen. Like say my friend (if i had any) had a girl friend, i would ok with talking to her. But if for example i was at a bar and wanted to talk to a girl, i would not be able to. There is a word for this, i believe it is a pussy.
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Which is also what your after.

OP that fact you have realised it good. I had a similar thing. Would keep quieter incase i said something that annoyed someone. But when i realised and looked into it the answer is almost simple, practice. Force yourself into situations you wouldnt, get outside your comfort zone.

I used to be crap at meeting people, now its no big deal. I hated interviews but now I almost like them. Having had positive feedback from interviewers. even though i thought i hadnt done well.

Believe in yourself!
 
I would say I'm very outgoing and confident - I love being with and meeting new people.

Meeting friends of friends and members of the opposite sex at house parties or similar is a doddle. But walking up to a complete stranger (a girl) in a bar though... Now that sorts out the men from the boys - really tough!
 
I used to think I was quite shy until I started my placement. I realised that because my friends back home are really outgoing I just take a back seat and don't chat so much when I'm around people I don't know too well. The interns on my placement were quiet so I generally tended to put myself out there quite a bit more.

Just need to speak up more when I'm around bigger personalities now. :)
 
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