One Man Exclusion Zone

Narj · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:17

Thursday Night: Chicken Jalfrezi
Friday Lunchtime: Fajita Wrap
Friday Evening: Pepperoni, chilli, jalapeno and peppers Pizza
Saturday Lunchtime: Nando's with extra hot sauce
Saturday Evening: Chicken Madras

I woke up this morning and almost choked. The house is now enveloped in a thick fog of noxious fumes and the Ozone layer above my town has probably disappeared. How do I sort my guts out, loads of yoghurt?

Only asking because I think the Brussells Sprouts tomorrow might finish me off and make me implode what with the vaccum that must be forming inside...

MisChief · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:19

Laxatives

Narj · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:19

MisChief said:
Laxatives

Won't that have a jet-pack type effect?

Craig1981 · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:20

You're gonna die bro

MisChief · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:21

PianoBasher said:
Won't that have a jet-pack type effect?

Not if you consume sensibly

gillywibble · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:21

Beer enema.

Mr Gimp · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:24

If you can find an answer this I'd be interested too, as I swear as well as currently announcing my whereabouts with what sounds like the mating call of an elephant, it feels like each stream of poisonous death released from my screaming sphincter is at the temperature of magma.
Even the cat is cowering in fear, and I fear the faint brown haze blanketing my movements is at risk of becoming a very very evil version of Febreeze and may very well not ever come out once its permeated the furniture.

Dave M · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:25

Yakult and eat just rice today.

Sorry, too serious I know

Narj · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:25

MisChief said:
Not if you consume sensibly

The idea of it reminds me of pebble-dashing for some reason. :eek:

Might pop to the chemists actually, thanks... Despite the jokes there is a serious question!

Methinks I'll go get loads of probiotic yoghurt as well!

I'm lucky in that I'm quite tolerant to spicy food so don't have a bum like the back-end of the Batmobile, it's just the Elephant's mating calls mentioned by Mr. Gimp that are the issue!

Cosimo · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:26

I wish you a very runny Christmas.

Narj · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:28

simulatorman said:
I wish you a very runny Christmas.

On the other hand, seeing as my dear nan isn't with us anymore I suppose someone has to try to emulate her olympic feats of farting at the Christmas dinner table.

MisChief · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:30

PianoBasher said:
Might pop to the chemists actually, thanks... Despite the jokes there is a serious question!

If that's a bit too extreme, just chew on lots of chewing gum or eat things that contain sweeteners

Mr Gimp · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:31

Laxatives are the cure to a bad cough, but not so sure about improving our current situations!

Seriously though, I've always found something stodgy like pasta or rice helps settle things down as Telescopi recommended

Edit: Hi MissCheef

Derek W · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:32

PianoBasher said:
How do I sort my guts out, loads of yoghurt?

of the man variety? :eek:

MisChief · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:32

Mr Gimp said:
Laxatives are the cure to a bad cough, but not so sure about improving our current situations!

Wut

Oh hai!

Mr Gimp · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:34

If you've got a really bad cough, take lots of laxatives.
The next time you get the urge for a big chest rattler of a cough, you'll be far too scared to cough! Problem solved

Glaucus · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:34

Pepermint oil.

But have you never had chillis before. What the issue.

J-FRO · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:42

All that curry and chilli is good for you anyway. Embrace your impenetrable noxious gas filled force field.

Castiel · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:44

Nappies and duct-tape

Narj · 24 Dec 2011 at 10:51

Castiel said:
Nappies and duct-tape

Hahahaha... you win the internet, sir!