Domestic violence..

Burnsy2023 said:
You're right that deaths from DV is relatively rare, but so are reprisals towards neighbours IME. Most people who get involved in DV as an aggressor are too involved in themselves to worry about who called the Police. They fights are often loud enough to be heard by the whole street, so it could be anyone.
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I'm happy to bow to your experience on that, but I do find myself wondering, are you talking about what the stats show, or what you know from what you've seen? What I mean is, if I call you guys for Mr DV McTwatface down the road, he finds out and firebombs my house, but it can't be proved, the stats will show not "vengance" against my original call, but you and I both know he did it. If your talking about real world, then thats good to know and I will bear it in mind if I'm ever in this situation again.

Burnsy2023 said:
This isn't half as straight forward as you think. DV can affect anyone. You get people who are thugs generally and will be violent to their partner, kids, randoms on the street and police, but most DV aggressors (again in my limited experience) tend to be violent against only their partners due to the close locality of living arrangements and the relationship.
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Interesting. Does anyone know if there are there any stats on DV convictions vs criminal record? I always assumed DV criminals were just mindless thugs. Well, ok I still, and alway will, think that, but it would be interesting to know if they are very specific mindless thugs.


Burnsy2023 said:
I find this type of rationale interesting but ultimately flawed. I could worry about getting killed crossing the road rather than getting attacked by a randomer or from such 'nutters' you describe as statistically, I'm far more likely to be killed or injured from the former than the latter, but I don't.
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Bear in mind that I'm not saying "They might be a nutter, never call the cops", in the same way as you wouldn't say "Never cross the road, you might be run over". Its more like, "Remember to look both ways before you cross".
 
Linkex said:
Interesting. Does anyone know if there are there any stats on DV convictions vs criminal record? I always assumed DV criminals were just mindless thugs. Well, ok I still, and alway will, think that, but it would be interesting to know if they are very specific mindless thugs.
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DV is more common among people who have no previous criminal record, and is less likely to be "mindless thugs"

DV is more about control and manipulation than violence for the sake of it.
 
Natwee said:
this is the most ignorant statement i have ever heard in my life.

go and read a decent book about DV, before spouting your misinformed opinion.

i recommend this one:

http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/book.php
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My sympathy was left at the borders of all the third world countries I've traveled to. English women have almost NO PROBLEMS in leaving a man who is abusive because they would receive so much support from the state SPECIALLY if under age children are involved.
 
Lol did you really need to ask this. ;) Call the police.

OP, are you bigger than him?

I ask because if I saw a man beating 14/15 year old girl, I would immediately feel inclined to get personally involved.
 
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Natwee said:
this is the most ignorant statement i have ever heard in my life.

go and read a decent book about DV, before spouting your misinformed opinion.

i recommend this one:

http://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/book.php
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I've heard a lot about what the problem is, but there dosen't seem to be a good solution in place. I've always felt that there should be some kind of "panic number" that women could phone, which would see the cops busting down the door, arresting everyone in the building and seperating them, then a service to look after the woman until injunctions and homing can be established. Aside from the missing infrastructure for an idea like this, I wonder, would abused women actually use something like this? Would they trust it? Would they trust it if it had been shown to work?
 
"All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing"

Of course you should phone the police! WTF?! There's no question about it. You did the right thing by calling them, but if you ever suspect it's happening again, you should call the police again. Don't use the word 'disturbance', make sure you tell them you suspect it is 'domestic violence'.
 
Linkex said:
I'm happy to bow to your experience on that, but I do find myself wondering, are you talking about what the stats show, or what you know from what you've seen? What I mean is, if I call you guys for Mr DV McTwatface down the road, he finds out and firebombs my house, but it can't be proved, the stats will show not "vengance" against my original call, but you and I both know he did it. If your talking about real world, then thats good to know and I will bear it in mind if I'm ever in this situation again.
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That's all from my experience, which of course is in itself only part of the picture.

Linkex said:
Interesting. Does anyone know if there are there any stats on DV convictions vs criminal record? I always assumed DV criminals were just mindless thugs. Well, ok I still, and alway will, think that, but it would be interesting to know if they are very specific mindless thugs.
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I don't have any stats, sorry. I will say that DV is complicated and should never be taken on face value. There has been a time when I've had genuine sympathy for someone who has hit their partner as she was particularly manipulative and they just snapped one day, but that doesn't excuse his actions and he was still arrested. I wouldn't like to judge how many I would consider thugs, but I'd say often couples are as bad as each other and it's not simple enough to say that only one person is the aggressor.
 
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franco_22 said:
My sympathy was left at the borders of all the third world countries I've traveled to. English women have almost NO PROBLEMS in leaving a man who is abusive because they would receive so much support from the state SPECIALLY if under age children are involved.
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Was wondering if someone would turn up with this imbecilic argument.

"Oooo, we shouldn't care about the people who are suffering here because people are a lot worse off somewhere else."

Utterly stupid.
 
franco_22 said:
My sympathy was left at the borders of all the third world countries I've traveled to. English women have almost NO PROBLEMS in leaving a man who is abusive because they would receive so much support from the state SPECIALLY if under age children are involved.
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What has sympathy and the third world got to do with anything?

I have been in that situation and can tell you that yo are talkng ****.

Yes there might be support available for women who leave, but what good is that when the women are too trapped to leave?

do you think DV happens because ne day the man just decides to punch the woman and she says "meh.. i can live with that" ?

It is normally the last stage of a very complex and sustained manipulation, whereby he takes away all her confidence and self esteem, he makes her think she cant possibly cope without him, that she cant look after her children, that he will remove the children if she does, that she is lucjy to have him as no one else will have her, etc etc.

by the time the actual violence starts, he ha more than likely made it pretty certain that she will be in no mind to leave him.

How is that NO PROBLEM?
 
People who've never personally experienced problems (e.g. poverty, abuse, day to day danger) can always afford to stand and lecture from a perch, especially when they've 'encountered' much of the same in their life. You mostly see it in politicians and forum posters.
 
Linkex said:
I've heard a lot about what the problem is, but there dosen't seem to be a good solution in place. I've always felt that there should be some kind of "panic number" that women could phone, which would see the cops busting down the door, arresting everyone in the building and seperating them, then a service to look after the woman until injunctions and homing can be established. Aside from the missing infrastructure for an idea like this, I wonder, would abused women actually use something like this? Would they trust it? Would they trust it if it had been shown to work?
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In my area at least you can be risk assessed and have a panic button and one room of your house turned into a safer room with a metal door etc.

but again, this is only once they have actually reported it in the first place.
 
stiv121 said:
I've had this kind of problem before but not as much wife beating, after phoning the police countless times and nothing getting done about the grief we were getting before because people were trying to break into his house ect... ( Last New years eve around 1 hr from the bells) The police sayed they can't really do anything wtf? Anyways the guy was moved away a few weeks later by ther council. Not long after he was found dead in his bathtub police sayed he toped him self.

Police are a waste of time completly in my area we were starting to get abuse from ''young ones'' ''hoodies'' and the police couldn't do anything about it because they were 17? So I ended up having to deal with the problem myself as nothing was being done and my dad couldn't exactly hit any of them so I had to do it (I was the same age) So me and a friend found a few of them one by one and beat them half to death, It felt really good tbh and the harrasment stopped quickly. Really have a passion for hating the police round my area they did nothing to help us at all :(
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You really sound like some body that is too good even to harm a fly.
Seriously it took you a year to fight back but it would take me seconds and if i wait for a full year then i would beat them FULL to death and kill my self too just to continue the beating in the next life!
 
Natwee said:
In my area at least you can be risk assessed and have a panic button and one room of your house turned into a safer room with a metal door etc.

but again, this is only once they have actually reported it in the first place.
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I take it you mean, after you have reported it and moved out? Because if you mean that you get a safe room in the house with the abuser, I may just decide I don't want to live on this planet anymore...


@bagsjoni - Great contribution to the discussion there...
 
bagsjoni said:
You really sound like some body that is too good even to harm a fly.
Seriously it took you a year to fight back but it would take me seconds and if i wait for a full year then i would beat them FULL to death and kill my self too just to continue the beating in the next life!
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The kids are off school again.
 
bagsjoni said:
You really sound like some body that is too good even to harm a fly.
Seriously it took you a year to fight back but it would take me seconds and if i wait for a full year then i would beat them FULL to death and kill my self too just to continue the beating in the next life!
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wow bro, you're so hard, can we be friends?
 
From my own experiences men who hit woman are usually cowards towards other men.

"the guys down the pub gave me a little bit of a hard time huni, so now I'm gonna take my rage out on you"

Sister was married to a guy like that, and took over 10 years to understand it wasn't her fault.
 
Linkex said:
I take it you mean, after you have reported it and moved out? Because if you mean that you get a safe room in the house with the abuser, I may just decide I don't want to live on this planet anymore...


@bagsjoni - Great contribution to the discussion there...
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sorry yes, its after the perpetrator has been moved out of the house.

its to encourage women to stay in their own homes rather than rehousing, by making their current home safe.
 
IrishChr1s said:
From my own experiences men who hit woman are usually cowards towards other men.

"the guys down the pub gave me a little bit of a hard time huni, so now I'm gonna take my rage out on you"

Sister was married to a guy like that, and took over 10 years to understand it wasn't her fault.
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Some of the worst DV I've seen wasn't even that bad physically, it was the psychological warfare that was inflicted on them that was really abhorrant. That was far more powerful and also meant that they didn't leave the relationship when any other person would have run for the hills long ago.
 
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