herzog Tue 10-Jan-12 16:36:50
My husband freely admits that he thinks he is having a midlife crisis. Although he is only mid 30s he has lost quite a lot of hair and is sensitive about his receding hairline, and other physical signs of ageing. He had an affair towards the end of last year with a work colleague - I believe him when he says that they are no longer sleeping together but they have to work together so it is not feasible to expect him to stop seeing her. She is married but emailled him over Christmas to say she is getting a divorce. He says that he wants to see if we can work things out and phoned the local marriage guidance counselling service so we are now on a waiting list for an initial appointment. He says that he had an affair because it was exciting and because our relationship had got too comfortable and that he currently doesn't feel any desire to be physically intimate with me although he says I'm his best friend and that we have fun doing stuff together.
I admit that our relationship had got comfortable and that we weren't prioritising each other as much as we should. We have a four year old daughter who we love, we both enjoy our jobs and we both separately enjoy lots of activities outside of working hours. Until recently we didn't socialise very much together as we didn't have a babysitter (since family moved closer we have all the help we need whenever we need it).
I thought that one of the ideals of marriage was to happily grow old together and that although looks, excitement, etc would diminish having your partner as a best friend was one of the joys. The news that he doesn't feel the same way has completely shattered my feeling of security.
What can I do to help turn this situation around?