Exes who are friends?

LocalNative

LocalNative

LocalNative

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Joined
8 Jan 2012
Posts
262
Long story short, ex bf of 4 years left me about 5 months ago. It was really devastating and I wanted to cut all contact, but he offered to be mates, so I said sure, why not. The funny thing is that he doesn't really make the effort to be friends. I'm always the one that has to call first, he ditches me when we make plans to speak and hardly ever responds back. I've talked to him about it on multiple occasions, and he's apologised, but it still keeps happening. We've been mates on and off for the past couple of months as a result. I'll take a short break from him and then decide I'm fine...then we'll speak again, and I'll turn into a complete mess. I've tried bringing up the cutting all contact method, but he absolutely refuses.

Fast forward to now, he's completely over everything, and he's booked holidays to these crazy party islands where god knows what he'll be getting up to, if you know what I mean. He knows I'm not really over him yet, so I was bound to be a little sad/angry when I found out. At this point, I was just sick and tired of being sad, so I told him I didn't want to speak anymore.

All I wanted from him was to agree so I could get some closure and move on, but instead, he responds with things like, "we're always going to stay mates, and you're always gonna come back", or "I refuse to cut all contact as you mean a lot to me", which is frankly just BS based on how's he's been treating me.

I don't know, I guess I'm just confused and I want to be able to move on, but it's difficult to do when he's sending me all these mixed messages. I'm not exactly too sure why he wants to be mates either, and why he can't just agree to cut contact :(

Maybe I'm just being silly with this whole closure thing, but I don't want to have to think about him calling or texting me when I'm going about my day. It'd just be so much easier to forget him :( Don't really know what to do and the whole situation is a bit sad, but whatever :(:o
 
Are you still sleeping with him? If you are, he's totally using you just for sex.

Cut all contact, it'll be much better for you.

And now lets close this thread.
 
Ignore him. Don't respond to his messages AT ALL.

Move on.

Plenty of single hunks on OcUK tbh, all hip and happening when it comes to the latest hardware.
 
LocalNative said:
I figured this would be the most sensible thing to do.
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If this fails and he persists, you could just tell him you're now lesbian.

He'll probably want proof though. Record yourself having hot sex with another girl.

Make sure you post it here first so we can check whether or not it will work.
 
I think you should definitely cut all contact with him, he is being insensitive to how you are feeling about the whole thing, and that isnt going to help you to move on from this.

I say cut all ties with him, regardless of if he doesnt want to, because you are looking out for YOURSELF now, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Maybe after a few months / a year or so if you feel ready to say "Hi" or whatever then fine, but focus on you and make plans with decent friends and keep busy, time really does heal everything.

*hugs*
 
arctine said:
If this fails and he persists, you could just tell him you're now lesbian.

He'll probably want proof though. Record yourself having hot sex with another girl.

Make sure you post it here first so we can check whether or not it will work.
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I take my hat off to you sir. :D

Also :o lady on ocuk.

[joey] How you doin'? [/joey]
 
I had a nasty break up around August. Completely idolised the guy and was absolutely devastated. I tried the cutting contact thing but if I'm honest it didn't make it any easier. It's the last thing you want to hear, but there is sweet **** all you can do about it.

You can't force a friendship, if you stay friends you stay friends. If you don't, you don't. Your ex is probably finding it difficult understand that you are still not over it.

I'm still finding it hard to not think about my ex all the time and I don't think I'll ever be totally over him, but he appears to be well over it, which is pretty lame. Life goes on though!
 
I'm friends with 2 of my ex girlfriends. However, it took about a year of not speaking to them before we could actually be friends again. I'd tried it like you're doing now with one of my ex's, and it didn't work at all. I now no longer speak to her, and in all honestly, never will, as I have 0 interest in her.
Coming out of a 4 year relationship and wanting to be friends right away will never work IMO, as said, you're best moving on. If you're destined to be friends, it'll happen, but not as things are now, it would need time.
 
kaffe said:
I'm still finding it hard to not think about my ex all the time and I don't think I'll ever be totally over him, but he appears to be well over it, which is pretty lame. Life goes on though!
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Appearances can be deceiving, he probably doesn't want you to see how he really feels.
 
He's moved on, you haven't. Tough but it's my opinion. :(

Time will make things better. Just wait it out.
 
Is he seeing some one else? I would imagine his newly found wouldn't be keen on him meeting up with his ex gf. The whole "Oh we are just going for a drink" doesn't really wash that well :)
 
LocalNative said:
He's told me no, but who knows :p
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Seriously, just forget about him. If he tries to message you again just tell him he blew his chance and he needs to let you move on.

If he still messages you, ignore him.


























If this doesn't work then I really can't stress enough how much impact that the aforementioned lesbian video will strike.
 
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