Exes who are friends?

what is this **** about being a lesbian? some of you need to relax. He clearly doesn't care, hes just playing games because you keep chasing him around, just leave it and get on with your life.
 
kaffe said:
You can't force a friendship, if you stay friends you stay friends. If you don't, you don't. Your ex is probably finding it difficult understand that you are still not over it.
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Pretty much the best bit of advice. I get sad and frustrated my ex has jumped into a new relationship with me sitting here no idea where to go or what to do. Still want to be her friend but not in the situation where I have to be anything to do with her relationship need.

But yeah just not forcing it is essential for everyones sake, walking away from a friend is really hard but the only sensible thing to do
 
Friends with an ex... Bleegh. Possible, extremely rare, and almost never as easy as straight faces would like you to think it is.
 
Nitefly said:
Friends with an ex... Bleegh. Possible, extremely rare, and almost never as easy as straight faces would like you to think it is.
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only possible if the breakup is pretty mutual and you were only staying together because you were used to it and didnt want to make the chance imo
 
A mate of mine recently ditched his missus, as he caught her setting herself up to meet with another bloke (who was also married, and a father to boot) via the internet. Oddly however, he's decided to remain friends with her, but was telling me the other day that she's been moaning to him about his aunt and sister deleting her from their Facebook friends list. Then she starts chatting to me on Facebook, and I'm at a loss as to how I should play it. Part of me wants to tell her to go and fornicate herself with a rusty iron stake for what she did to my mate. Another argues that I should stay civil as he wants to remain friends with her, and she'll only give him grief if I do tell her where to go.

I honestly don't know how he can do it, I'd be furious and absolutely hate her if she'd done that to me. He's adamant he won't take her back though as she's already begged him to give her another chance on several occasions apparently. Offered him no strings pasty as well, which he's turned down.

So yeah, first world problems yo.
 
If you cant handle some of the things he's doing, you need to separate. Because the feelings you have for him, arent going anywhere when you're keeping in contact.

Just say to him. We cant be friends. If he comes back with a soppy we'll always be friends message. Ignore it. And leave it there.

Thats where you start to move on with your life. And yes, Going cold turkey will be hard, and you will crave contact with him. But have some restraint.
 
This guy is clearly playing with your emotions. I know this will sound harsh and don't take offence but what he gets up to for example on these "crazy party islands" is none of your business.

Which ever way you look at this and you can analyze it all you want it's obvious that he is either doing this to punish you or because he wants the upper hand and some sort of control. Constantly saying that you will always be mates and refusing to cut contact speaks volumes to me and I'm a complete stranger. Surely then you can see where this is going.

You have to swallow a very bitter pill and accept that he has a life of his own as do you. Trying to maintain contact in such circumstances when you are the one doing all the running around/chasing blar blar blar (call it what you like) will only end up in dissapointment and continued hurt.

Is that really what you want?

When you can answer that question you will know within yourself what you have to do regardless of advice on here. Good luck.
 
Usually find it's the partner who has found someone else that always suggests to stay friends, it's always born out of guilt and very rarely works as you always find unless it's mutual that one of the couple has stronger feelings and is less likely to want the split.

Breaking contact no matter how much it hurts is usually the best way, that or find someone to have monkey sex with, works wonders :D
 
Nitefly said:
Friends with an ex... Bleegh. Possible, extremely rare, and almost never as easy as straight faces would like you to think it is.
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Couldnt agree more. I've tried to stay friends on my end but it's very tough, and I dont know if it's really helping things for me overall.

OP, ultimately you have to do what's best for you. If he's not making an effort then there's no reason you should be doing any more for him. If you still have feelings for him it'll be difficult to be the one actively pushing away but it'll probably be for the best in the long run. Next time he 'knows you'll come back', tell him sorry but this time you wont. DTMFA (as a friend) and move on with your life. As said above, plenty more ahead than behind!
 
Don't know what he's up to, maybe his ego needs/wants your attention.

I am friends with all my ex's now, but they do require time before the friendship is easy. One I didn't speak to for at least a year - can't remember how long it was in the end. Others have been easier - but I think it depends how long or deep a relationship it was in the first place.

4 years is some time - long enough that life without that person in it is rather different, and needs getting used to. You need to make sure he's not part of it for long enough that you settle comfortably into your own patterns before he can form part of the periphery again.

You had the right idea - closure is absolutely a useful tool.
 
You don't need his permission to cut contact.

Just deaf him, delete his number and ignore any attempt of contact from him.

Immerse yourself in your friends, and interests.
 
Cut all contact, change your number, remove him from Facebook etc.

I don't think being 'friends' after a long relationship would ever work.
 
It sounds to me he hasn't found anybody else and he's using you just to keep 'something' there for him.

Likewise that probably why you haven't cut all contact and your in the same kind of state.

Ditch all contact, don't text, don't chat, ignore and start fresh.

Its hard but its necessary.
 
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