Living, knowing that you're soon to be without somebody close to you

TNGL

TNGL

TNGL

Soldato
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Basically, my Nan's been having some problems recently, such as moving her arm and hand. She also struggles to perform every day activities, such as unscrewing bottle lids (sometimes), lifting certain things etc. So, after many MRI scans and other tests, they believe that it could be motor neuron disease (MND)... so, you're probably thinking, oh they only think it's MND but it could be something else such as multiple sclerosis (MS). But after speaking to another professional recently, he's pretty much said that it's most likely MND. We're soon to hear from another professional, and can only hope he says something different.

If you don't know already, MND is a terrible thing to have; it's incurable, only gets worst and gradually paralysis the body. My Nan's everything to me and always will be, I'd be a completely different person if it wasn't for her, and she still to this day helps me... more than most people should I add, including my Mum, although she really helps me as well, and I'm very grateful for that because I don't know where I'd be without her. My Nan's always pushed me to do well from day 1, made sure I'm always happy from day 1... it's hard to find the words to describe how much she means to me and how big a part of my life she is.

If you know about MND, you'll also know that after experiencing such mobility issues, you're only expected to live for another 3 - 5 years, and this is what gets me. HOW, can you live and see that person, knowing that soon, they're not going to be around despite being one of the biggest parts of your life? HOW, can you even crack a smile, knowing that somebody close to you is suffering and soon to leave you? Even walking around the house, knowing that I won't be coming around any more, to a place I've been coming to for the whole of my life. It almost brings me to tears writing this alone, I just don't know what to do. I've always relied upon my Nan, because the relationship between my Mum and Dad isn't exactly great and none of them push me to do well like my Nan.

Anybody else go/going through the same thing? How can you cope with it? I certainly can't, I've never lost somebody close to me before (despite my Great Grandmother, although that was at a young age and I didn't really understand) and just thinking about it upsets me.
 
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That's life - I really don't mean this in a nasty way, rather in the way that it happens to everyone. Your job is to make it as comfortable for her as possible.

You sound very close to her, so make the absolute most of your time together. Don't take anything for granted. Find out what she want's to do, what she's always wanted to do, and help her accomplish it. You'll hopefully enjoy these years as much as her. 3-5 years is a long time yet. Don't write it off quite so soon.

Remember to talk to people as the years go on, if/when her condition worsens. It's a terrible thing, so share your feelings. If you feel upset about it now, have you got another family member that feels the same as you? Talking and sharing your feelings can be incredibly reassuring and supportive.

I haven't lost anyone over an extended period of time, but I have lost people very close to me in sudden deaths (car crash and accidents). You'll eventually grieve, and there'll be a time to find out about that. But at the moment, you have a long period of time in which you can do wonders for your Nan.

best of luck
 
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I'm sorry to hear about this, it's awful. The only advice I can offer is to spend what time you can with her and make the most of it. It's pretty much all you can do. Thinking about it negatively will make it more difficult (of course) but there is little else to do about it. Just try and make the most of the time you can have with her, and know that you're better off because of the influence she had on your life.

Again, my condolences for this unfortunate turn of events, my words may not mean much but I hope you can cope for now.
 
Thank you very much for your kind words guys, I will certainly try and make the most of the time I have left with my Nan, and yes like you say, Tres, we are very close. Everybody in the family is upset about it, but we, including myself just don't know what to do or how to deal with it. My Nan is obviously very upset as well and just knowing that, upsets everybody in the family because there's nothing we can do. I try not to think about things negatively, but I just can't get it out of my head.
 
Kamwah said:
Make the best of your time because it's better than them being taken away with no warning.
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Exactly. when my Old man died it went from "i dont feel so well" to "A&E dead 2h later" after he came home from Bingo one evening...

make the most of the time you KNOW you have left.
 
I'm in a similar position, my mum passed away last friday, i was in China when she came down with critical liver failure, she had died by the time i got to the hospital. I hadn't spoke to her in a month or two as well, i never got to say goodbye properly. I had to walk into my mothers death bed to say goodbye and give her kiss after she had passed, she had jaundice, her hair was white and she was still warm, she was 58. I would say your fortunate to have 3 to 5 years with her. I would give anything just to be able to say "goodbye" and "i love you" to her properly. I wish you the best mate, as people have mentioned, you've got a great opportunity to have an amazing few years with her. :)
 
My Nan died 2 weeks ago now, she filled a similar role in our family. My Dad (her son) died when I was 8, I'm now 27 and throughout she was the glue that held the family together, incredibly important to all of us so its been really hard.

She got diagnosed with a brain tumour in November, watching her slowly get worse over the past 4 months was heartbreaking. Having time with her was nice, however I kind of wish she didn't have to go through it at all, she didn't deserve to suffer like she did. :(

All I will say is you just have to be there for her night and day and reassure her it will all be ok. It's tough I feel for you.
 
I don't mean this in a bad way, but your not the only one. It can often be surprising how many other people are in the same situation and you only realise this when the time comes. Hopefully you can share experiences and learn things to help you and your nan.
 
My Grandmother got taken to hospital in a very bad state about 10 years ago and i was too scared to go see her, she died after being at the hospital for only a few hours and i have never been able to forgive myself for the cowardice and selfishness i showed that day.

Moral of the story is make every second with her count.
 
My Grandfather passed away a week last Tuesday after a few months of his health seriously deteriorating (after around a year of illness) and being in and out of hospital for weeks on end, eventually there was nothing that could be done and it was just palliative care for the last few weeks.

It wasn't easy, but because you know what's going to eventually happen, you can make the last few months or weeks mean something and spend as much time as possible with them as you can.

For me and my family and especially my mum, most of our crying and being upset were done before he passed away, it's something that we just adjusted to over time so when it eventually happened, we were able to cope pretty well.

Just make the most of what time you have left.
 
A bloke that lived in the street next to me had MND, he was slim as anything average 50 year old married man with 2 kids, worked all his life, took his dog for a walk all time, he would walk down the my street so would see him all the time and bam, stopped noticing him, is in a motorised wheelchair now, nurses and people taking him out.

If it was me after seeing his life just waste away, bullet to the temple please.
 
I’ve been there with both my parents who were taken away after long illnesses. Don’t think about what will come because you will have plenty of time for that after it happens. Be strong, you have to be there for them. So spend as much time as you can with them, bite your tongue, keep smiling and try and make those remaining days as special as you can for them.
 
I'm so sorry for the losses some of you above have had, and wish you and your families the best. I understand how precious these years shall be treated, and that I should spend as much time as I can with her, after all, you're right, it is better than a sudden death. M4rk, I know what you mean by the 'glue of the family' and I think you may have had the same kind of relationship with your Nan as I do, and it's the process of degeneration that really gets at me, and it must've been terrible for you to have to endure seeing it.

Yeah MND is a terrible thing, Cheets, and there's no cure, just a drug (which I can't remember the name for) that adds another 6 months on to their life.
 
cheets64 said:
A bloke that lived in the street next to me had MND, he was slim as anything average 50 year old married man with 2 kids, worked all his life, took his dog for a walk all time, he would walk down the my street so would see him all the time and bam, stopped noticing him, is in a motorised wheelchair now, nurses and people taking him out.

If it was me after seeing his life just waste away, bullet to the temple please.
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Euthanasia
 
Spenty said:
Euthanasia
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My Nan's quite blunt about such things, at one point I think she said "Oh you may as well ship me off on a plane to Switzerland.". But the worrying thing is, she's not joking, though she's always had a slightly negative view on life in the first place.
 
To quote Community;

"Life is only worth a damn because it's short, it's designed to be consumed, used, spent, lived and felt. We're supposed to fill it with every mistake and miracle we can manage and then we're supposed to let go."
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I know it's going to be hard for you, but it's time for a little role change and you to be strong for her now. Show her what she made you. She's clearly proud of you as much as you of her. Be there for her all you can.

We all go someday and sometimes it's really hard but you can cope, I bet your nan is sure you can.

I'm sorry to hear about this. :(
 
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