Can anyone relate?

sparky05084

sparky05084

sparky05084

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Joined
4 Sep 2011
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596
Evening all.

I thought I'd come on here to vent a few frustrations that have been bothering me recently. Basically, my social life is rather poor to say the least and I can't seem to do anyhting about it or improve it.

I have a few friends of which are currently in relationships and live a fair distance from me. One in particular lives in Blackpool and I only see him once or twice a year (he has a family etc etc).

Another friend lives in Chester and again, he is in a relationship although I see him more often but only 2 - 3 times in a few months. I don't really get involved with work colleagues as I tend to keep to myself.

I am 28, have no commitments and I feel like nobody wants to associate with me. At college for example (currently doing an evening course twice a week) I have a laugh with the lads and we talk about what we've been up to in the week etc but once college finishes, we part company and that is that.

I have made one friend at college but we help each other on the course and it seems that it won't materialise into anything more like going out for a few beers etc.

What is most annoying is that I feel I am quite a witty person. Don't get me wrong, I'm no comedian by any standards but I make people laugh and put people at ease. It seems though that once people have had that said laugh, they move on.

It has gotten to a point now where I feel like just saying what the hell and giving up. I've tried all the usual advices that anyone could give like join a gym blar blar.

Speaking of the gym, I don't think that's the best place to build up a rappor with anyone due to the fact that most people have their Ipods in and are in their "zone" training.

Last time I spoke to a guy at the gym I was being friendly and all but he kept looking at the clock if so I was taking his time up, thus I cut the conversation short and he went on his way.

When people speak of going out etc with freinds or out on the you know what I feel rather left out. If I'm asked what my weekend plans are I tend to make it up so it doesn't sound as lame. Sad isn't it.

I've joined a few clubs in the past but I felt I didn't fit in so I never went back. Perhpas I should have perservered a bit more.

I have a good job, I have no debt and I am a fit and healthy person. Yes I suppose I have my bad points (as do we all) but I feel I would be a good addition to a group of friends.

I get the impression these days if you approach a person or group ( I am speaking from past experiences) and you are a stranger then you have an ulterior motive. People just don't seem that interested in me and yes they say you only get out what you put in but why bother when it's so hard?

Ah well, rant over.

Thanks for the read GD as always.
 
I can't say I can directly relate. But I can honestly say I can see myself being in the same position when I'm 28... Not because I want to be, but after Uni, I could easily see me parting ways with friends more so...
 
100% relate to this. I'm exactly the same. 28 in two weeks. Have a good job, and generally get on well with people at work, but keep myself to myself to a point, as there is quite a lot of back stabbing and bitching goes on amongst people!

I have made a few female friends at work who I can trust, and who's houses I go round every now and then for a few drinks and a Chinese which is nice.

Dont go to the Gym and dont really go out clubbing (I have cerebal palsy, so both of these are difficult to do. Cant walk too far and cant spend too long on my feet)

All my mates are in relationships and i've been single for all of my 28 years. This doesn't really bother me, but do miss out on company / companionship sometimes. My one mate is married with one kid and another on the way, my other mate has moved in with his mrs, isn't married yet but its probably on the cards soon, and my other best friend from way back (primary school days) is a trucker so dont see him at all now as hes away from home a lot.
 
I'm kind of the opposite. I'm not introverted but I am sort of a loner, in that I'm quite selfish and I like my own company. I have few friends because I don't make an effort to maintain friendships. However it's not from lack of opportunity. I'm constantly turning down nights out, I don't socialise as much as I could... I'm always finding reasons to distance people who try make closer friendships with me. I don't think I could describe it as an extreme, I'm certainly not being hounded, and the phone doesn't ring off the hook... but rather than having trouble making friends I have trouble not offending people when they try to make friends.

Perhaps we're never satisfied with our lot and we always see the advantages of a different position, rather than the one we're in?
 
James N. That is exactly why I don't get involved with people at work. Back stabbing. I would rather let them get on with it and I steer clear of all their games.

I understand what you mean about missing the comapny of others. We are social creatures at the end of the day and I believe we are not meant to be isolated or lonely.

I kind of envy you in a way Halk as I only wish I was being offered nights out but this simply does not happen. Now, that doesn't mean to say I can't help the situation and I've realised that I have to be more proactive.

Trouble is, I've been at this stage for many months and again, it's only quite recently that it's started to upset me.
 
kwerk said:
Watch the film "I love you man" if you havent already.
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I came in to post exactly that :eek:

OP, you need to get out of your comfort zone if you want things to change. Make that extra effort to talk to people at the gym, go to more clubs, go to evening classes or weekend events and put yourself out there. All you need is that one spark, that one return on your effort and your outlook will change dramatically.

As a side note, that was actually a pretty great post you made. You sound like you know what your issue is so go out there and fix it buddy :)
 
sparky05084 said:
I understand what you mean about missing the comapny of others. We are social creatures at the end of the day and I believe we are not meant to be isolated or lonely.
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Nope, we are not supposed to be isolated. I guess my mood hasn't been helped by doing nights for 12 months at work. My choice I guess. Easy money and a slower pace of life, but that gets me down as well. Don't often see many people doing nights, and obviously in the day, busy sleeping. That's recently started getting to me too. Still, only 3 months of that left.
 
This kind of thread always makes me smile. I lost almost all my friends to women that didn't agree with any entitlement to a social life. Things are now changing rapidly.. a few splits and divorces on the cards and it's just like being 21 again!

I need company to live a sane life so things are looking good...
 
[Fng]magnolia. Cheers for the compliment. I try to be as honest as I can and I have obviously put across how I feel and my predicament rather well.

Yes, your exactly right and I agree that I must take responsibility for my social life if I wish to change my current circumstances. However, I have done all of the above and it's getting rather tedious now.

One spark is all it requires but it seems almost impossible to achieve. I look for the best in people and try not to beat myself up over rejection or be bitter but that is easier said than done. I think the fear of rejection and not being socially accepted is the biggest issue here and is one tough nut to crack.

I'm a fully qualified Electrician and a good one at that but can't make or maintain relationships. Crazy if you ask me.

James N. I suppose if the money as you say, is easy then your going to do it regardless. Having said that, if it's having a negative effect then perhpas it's just as well that it's coming to a close in 3 months.
 
No offence but you need to man up, all this "I feel like no one....." gets you nowhere, nothing will change, you won't feel better by getting different opinions and frankly you won't care what anyone else says anyway.

The truth is you know you can make more of an effort to be more social, no one else can do it for you.

Be what you want to be and be happy at it.
 
I don't get offended that easily Mitzy so all's good. Ha ha. Congratulations on the first "man up" post by the way.

Incidentally, you will find that your mistaken because I actually do care what people say and yes, although it is probably what I've heard before, it is interesting to get varied opinions and talking does help.

I appreciate your input anyway.
 
Just get involved in something that you enjoy and make the effort. Whilst I have a few great friends, I often struggle to find people to do stuff with. What do I do? I go to stuff by myself and just get chatting to folk.
 
Goto a few OCUK or forum meets and you will soon meet new mates that you have things in common with, most of my best mates these days are people ive met over the years from various online things going back ten years or so.
 
sparky05084 said:
I don't get offended that easily Mitzy so all's good. Ha ha. Congratulations on the first "man up" post by the way.

Incidentally, you will find that your mistaken because I actually do care what people say and yes, although it is probably what I've heard before, it is interesting to get varied opinions and talking does help.

I appreciate your input anyway.
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I'm not having a go, I just think it's pointless asking for advice or thoughts on how you feel. You already have those niggles at the back of your head, you have the answers buddy. That's all I'm saying.
 
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